(Untitled)

[ockills]

after a couple years effortlessly removing myself completely from mtv/pop radio

I just heard tokio hotel

and I'm fucking TERRIFIED

German 16 year olds sporting images made cliche in the late 90's
performing "pop" songs without a semi-decent hook
are selling multi-platinum albums

we give them a gem like david hasselhoff
and we get THIS?!?

Comments

keith's rant pt 1

[choadushouse]

If that wildly unentertaining faux celebrity we've collectively agreed to refer to as Perez Hilton can gain notoriety by poorly photo shopping cumshots and 4th grade fart joke commentary onto someone elses pictures like some retarded john madden, maybe this can be my chance to be the voice of the counter culture hungry to indict pop culture for its affront to good taste. I'm speaking directly of the MTV awards that I voluntarily but painstakingly endured tonight. If you have the audacity to call yourself an award show, perhaps you should consider the artistry that goes into making an actual video. As apprehensive as I am to say this, the most honorable acceptance speech was made by the band Linkin Park, whose lead singer commended the videos director for his vision (albeit the director was a band member). What did the director have to say about it? Who knows. The second he began his speech, MTV cut him off. Not ONCE over the course of its two and a half hours did this VIDEO award show applaud the vision of reputable directors. Panic At The Disco's tremendously florid and most original video of the year lost to Brittney Spears whose appearance at the awards was as robotic and scripted as any celebrity with a formidable public relations team could write for her, given her universally viewed meltdown. It was almost as if I was told to host an award show based on my favorite keith buckley. When you conjure up, preen and present an artist, to award IT a trophy is not only perpetuating your sense of self importance, but terribly insulting to an intelligent audience that still hopelessly clings to your programming desperately trying to catch a glimpse of itself in the vapors of what was once its idea of rebellion. Luckily for MTV, they've abandoned their intelligent viewers long ago and can get away with giving air time to T-PAIN who arrived on an elephant surrounded by clowns, providing an unintentional but astoundingly appropriate satire of music as a whole.

keith's rant pt 2

[choadushouse]

It is a baroque mockery of itself.
Note my Chuck Palahniuk use of one line paragraphs to stress importance that you otherwise may not have understood had I not outlined it for you.
If it weren't for Pete Wentz and FN'MTV resurrecting the importance of new artists, when asked what our favorite music video of all time was, most of us would say "that collaboration with that dude"
Anyone here miss LIMP BIZKIT? Fear not! They've been resurrected as PINK. We get it lady. You are punk rock. Nice butt cheeks. Nico would be proud.
Ive never been more incessantly reminded of anyone as forgettable as Rhianna.
"hey you hear that new rhianna joint?"
"No, who is that?"
"I dunno. A female vocalist whose voice has been processed in pro tools beyond recognition"
"Maybe. Whats she look like?"
"Kind of like Kim Cattrall in MANNEQUIN but as female vocalist"
"oh yea. Shut up and drive rules"
"totally. you pick out your junior prom suit yet?"
"nope"
Keep in mind that 25 years ago, the nominees for BEST MALE VIDEO were Billy Joel and Michael Jackson. Tonight it was FLO RIDA. Nonono guys. Not FLORIDA. That's way too over your head. You see, METRE is the term used to describe the rhythmic arrangement of the accented and unaccented syllables in verse. So FLORIDA is considered the metric foot. FLO RIDA is the negation of everything you know as grammatically correct, shaking the foundation of traditional structure. You'll never understand how advanced "In The Ayer" truly is until you study the iambic pentameter that made Shakespeare legendary.
I was reminded of how much I love 'Merica when the Pussycat Dolls not only aggrandized their hit single ode to the insufficiencies of female tweens but then thanked our troops for their dedication to freedom before plugging their shitty record. I'm sure the legless father of 2 felt his heart skip a beat while receiving no remuneration for his time served in a pointless war. The battle over who can stuff the pockets of our first illiterate president has finally been validated in the concise prose of the women who sing "When I grow up Fresh and clean Number one chick when I step out on the scene". If that doesn't scream national pride, I don't know what does.
Really? The Jonas Brothers? Lets forget the fact that every live performance from the backlot looked like something big bird would have done when elmo joined him in a spin off of a Barbara Streisand song. Those 3 cartoon character brothers ACTUALLY sang on the same stairs where Harold Hooper argued with Oscar the Grouch. Is it possible to further perpetuate the idea that non threatening, a-sexual and talentless assholes hold the key to the heart of our youth? And for anyone that watched their performance when they moved to "Main Stage", lets run through the producers thought process:
"ok, jonas brothers begin where Gordon talks to Count Von Count"
"perfect so far"

keith's rant pt 3

[choadushouse]

"then we put a bunch of overweight 14 year olds in pastel spandex and have them rush the stage in order to give the viewing audience the idea that these 3 shitbags are popular"
"hold on, I thought I was at the meeting for the nickelodeon awards. Is this really MTV?"
"yes. But we can amalgamate our viewers as long as I have Miley Cyrus playing rock band"
"Deal. Can one of the brothers rip off his vest in a defiant but predictable maneuver and then crowd surf to show how edgy he is?"
"totally sweet."
"nice. Ill see you in aruba"
Last year at the VMA's we got a glimpse into the guilt that MTV must have felt for no longer awarding such visionaries as Michel Gondry or Chris Cunningham. Enter Lou Reed. His opinion seemed almost prophetic as this year we have effortlessly seen the elimination of:
BEST ALT VIDEO
BEST MTV2 AWARD
BEST GROUP VIDEO
BEST LONG FORM VIDEO
Ingenuity is rolling in its grave.
While I don't claim to hold any stringent allegiance to what main stream media channels offer me, I wont pretend that I am completely immune to its influences. Only vapid indie hipsters who imagine that they are so far removed from popular culture as to maintain a staunch indifference to its pervasiveness declare this absurdity. Yes guys I understand. You love JUSTICE and new balance sneakers and organic foods and denying the origin of any of your cliché ideas for a song. But the truth is, creativity comes not only from an awareness of influences but from a study of how they offend you. if it weren't for MTV award shows there would be no music devoted to its undoing. There would be no antiplots and miniplots and archplots that make direction and story writing what it is. If I didn't hate METRO STATION as much as I do I would never fully appreciate the brilliance of true music played by musicians. I am proud to be a part of a culture that will not make a countdown on a local radio station. And if I do, then it is under the same pretense that that creepy asshole in glasses came into the Emersons house in The Lost Boys. Get the invitation, then ruin all you come into contact with. Maybe one day ill be invited into the "House Of All The Rage". But if I am, I promise I'm bringing my bloodsucking friends with me. See you on tour.

Love keith and ETID

Re: keith's rant pt 3

[ockills]

My brain is either having an orgasm or an aneurysm.

Hot Damn's lyrics are still some of my all-time faves.