Disguises
Title: 061. Disguises [5/100]
Pairing: Yesung/Yesung
Rating: PG
Genre: kinda angst
Word count: 829
Summary: Yesung is just a show for the cameras, so where does Jongwoon fit in?
A/N: This thought was in my head for a couple of days, so eventually I had to write it... I like something in this, but I'm not sure what it is. Also, the SJ members only got to know Jongwoon when he was a trainee, so "Yesung" had already been created? Or something? So they don't notice because of that... Sorry if it's weird or confusing, but please let me know what you think <3
Kim Jongwoon had been a cheerful child. He had had a loving family and a number of good friends, all very supportive of his doings. He had loved animals, collected stamps and studied to get good grades in school. One might have called him average, but he was a good kid nonetheless.
There was one thing he was far from average in, though, and that was singing. He had an incredibly strong and beautiful voice that anyone would love to listen to for hours. And he loved it. He loved singing and he loved the attention he got from doing it. Becoming a singer became his biggest dream at a young age.
But he was just a feeble country boy, so it wasn’t like it was going to happen for real, right? It really wouldn’t have, but he had the best mother on earth, really. She had made all the preparations so that he could attend the auditions, and he was able to sign with the company. He really had been so grateful to her, for so many reasons.
The training period before debut had been very tough. He - along with all the other trainees - had received singing lessons, dancing lessons, lessons on etiquette and so many other things. They even taught them how to make expressions on television: the more interesting your reactions were, the more you would receive broadcast time. That was how it started really: just a simple thing like exaggerating your feelings or hiding them behind a smile was what made him shut himself away.
It was just like applying makeup. First he just put a little on to emphasize his good points while he went on stage. But as time drew on, he felt like he needed it more and more. He felt ugly and embarrassed to show himself in front of people without it. That disguise became something he put on the very first thing in the morning, hardly ever doing anything without it.
But the thing was, that it wasn’t just a layer of substance on his face - it was much more meaningful. He hid behind a mask, wore a disguise on himself to keep people out. He built something around himself, someone to take all the hits people might give him, someone who wouldn’t bruise. That someone was Yesung.
Yesung never even flinched when someone made fun of him. He didn’t run away when Jongwoon was scared, he stood his ground. He was very different from Jongwoon.
He smiled when Jongwoon wanted to cry. He laughed when Jongwoon was tired. He cried when Jongwoon was happy. He appeared attentive when Jongwoon was ignorant. He was so different, but maybe that was the reason he made Jongwoon feel safe. Because he was brave and strong, while Jongwoon was weak. Neither of them lacked determination, but Yesung was the only one who had the guts to really make things happen.
But when Jongwoon wore it so much, eventually that “makeup” started to seep into his skin. It flowed deeper and deeper, until it became difficult to tell where Yesung ended and Jongwoon began. Maybe it was a good thing, Jongwoon had thought at first. Yesung had so much more confidence: maybe it could help him onwards. But it didn’t really work just like that.
Jongwoon no longer liked seeing his face in the mirror. Without makeup, he looked tired and worn. His skin had ugly red splotches because of the very makeup he had to use to cover them up. And when he wore it, it didn’t look like him either: that was Yesung. It became harder and harder to see where Jongwoon fit in between all the hectic schedules that were Yesung’s time to shine. Jongwoon could no longer find his own time, and he could feel his light dimming.
No one else seemed to notice, though. Of course he would be tired with so much work, and it was to be expected that he’d change a little: after all, anyone would when placed under so much pressure and adoring eyes. Besides, there weren’t that many people who had always been so close to him that they would be able to tell. And he saw those people so rarely now. They weren’t there to make Jongwoon stand out.
Even so, Jongwoon was still flickering. He was still in there. But like he had always known, he was weak. It was only a matter of time before he would be suffocated by the greater light. It was only a matter of time before Yesung had taken his place, and no one would be able to tell. They weren’t the same, but they looked the same, sounded the same. Everybody only knew the mannerisms Yesung had. Jongwoon would be forgotten by everybody, he already was by most.
Even if he knew this, Jongwoon got up early in the morning and plastered the disguise on his face. The smile Yesung always wore when Jongwoon…
100 fic masterlist
Pairing: Yesung/Yesung
Rating: PG
Genre: kinda angst
Word count: 829
Summary: Yesung is just a show for the cameras, so where does Jongwoon fit in?
A/N: This thought was in my head for a couple of days, so eventually I had to write it... I like something in this, but I'm not sure what it is. Also, the SJ members only got to know Jongwoon when he was a trainee, so "Yesung" had already been created? Or something? So they don't notice because of that... Sorry if it's weird or confusing, but please let me know what you think <3
Kim Jongwoon had been a cheerful child. He had had a loving family and a number of good friends, all very supportive of his doings. He had loved animals, collected stamps and studied to get good grades in school. One might have called him average, but he was a good kid nonetheless.
There was one thing he was far from average in, though, and that was singing. He had an incredibly strong and beautiful voice that anyone would love to listen to for hours. And he loved it. He loved singing and he loved the attention he got from doing it. Becoming a singer became his biggest dream at a young age.
But he was just a feeble country boy, so it wasn’t like it was going to happen for real, right? It really wouldn’t have, but he had the best mother on earth, really. She had made all the preparations so that he could attend the auditions, and he was able to sign with the company. He really had been so grateful to her, for so many reasons.
The training period before debut had been very tough. He - along with all the other trainees - had received singing lessons, dancing lessons, lessons on etiquette and so many other things. They even taught them how to make expressions on television: the more interesting your reactions were, the more you would receive broadcast time. That was how it started really: just a simple thing like exaggerating your feelings or hiding them behind a smile was what made him shut himself away.
It was just like applying makeup. First he just put a little on to emphasize his good points while he went on stage. But as time drew on, he felt like he needed it more and more. He felt ugly and embarrassed to show himself in front of people without it. That disguise became something he put on the very first thing in the morning, hardly ever doing anything without it.
But the thing was, that it wasn’t just a layer of substance on his face - it was much more meaningful. He hid behind a mask, wore a disguise on himself to keep people out. He built something around himself, someone to take all the hits people might give him, someone who wouldn’t bruise. That someone was Yesung.
Yesung never even flinched when someone made fun of him. He didn’t run away when Jongwoon was scared, he stood his ground. He was very different from Jongwoon.
He smiled when Jongwoon wanted to cry. He laughed when Jongwoon was tired. He cried when Jongwoon was happy. He appeared attentive when Jongwoon was ignorant. He was so different, but maybe that was the reason he made Jongwoon feel safe. Because he was brave and strong, while Jongwoon was weak. Neither of them lacked determination, but Yesung was the only one who had the guts to really make things happen.
But when Jongwoon wore it so much, eventually that “makeup” started to seep into his skin. It flowed deeper and deeper, until it became difficult to tell where Yesung ended and Jongwoon began. Maybe it was a good thing, Jongwoon had thought at first. Yesung had so much more confidence: maybe it could help him onwards. But it didn’t really work just like that.
Jongwoon no longer liked seeing his face in the mirror. Without makeup, he looked tired and worn. His skin had ugly red splotches because of the very makeup he had to use to cover them up. And when he wore it, it didn’t look like him either: that was Yesung. It became harder and harder to see where Jongwoon fit in between all the hectic schedules that were Yesung’s time to shine. Jongwoon could no longer find his own time, and he could feel his light dimming.
No one else seemed to notice, though. Of course he would be tired with so much work, and it was to be expected that he’d change a little: after all, anyone would when placed under so much pressure and adoring eyes. Besides, there weren’t that many people who had always been so close to him that they would be able to tell. And he saw those people so rarely now. They weren’t there to make Jongwoon stand out.
Even so, Jongwoon was still flickering. He was still in there. But like he had always known, he was weak. It was only a matter of time before he would be suffocated by the greater light. It was only a matter of time before Yesung had taken his place, and no one would be able to tell. They weren’t the same, but they looked the same, sounded the same. Everybody only knew the mannerisms Yesung had. Jongwoon would be forgotten by everybody, he already was by most.
Even if he knew this, Jongwoon got up early in the morning and plastered the disguise on his face. The smile Yesung always wore when Jongwoon…
100 fic masterlist