Confidant
This is a story for my friend dragoninajar !
It's a short fic about Critic having relationship troubles and turning to Film Brain to help him out. I loved how in the beginning of To Boldly
Flee, it seemed like Critic calling Film Brain to talk was not an unusual occurrence for either of them. It really made me believe that their
relationship had matured a great deal from toady and boss to true friends, and this fic focuses on that friendship. It's also set before To
Boldly Flee, since I didn't want to have to deal with Critic being the Plot Hole/a god/whatever he is now.
I hope you enjoy it! :)
“That’s it, I’m fucking outta here!”
“Critic! Would you just calm down and listen to me? I didn’t mean-”
“Fuck you, Nerd! Just-just fuck you!”
Critic stormed out of Nerd’s house, holding his crumpled jacket and hat in his arms as he’d been too enraged to get properly dressed before leaving. Once he was outside, he snatched his phone from his pocket and pressed a few buttons before he was teleported back to his own home in Chicago.
Critic stomped through his house for a few hours more, slamming doors and cursing at anyone who dared to talk to him, before his fury was exhausted and he was left with nothing but loneliness and regret keeping him company.
“Why does this keep happening?” he moaned as he collapsed onto his bed, burying his head under his pillows. “Why am I always getting into a fucking fight with him?”
Critic discovered that moping wistfully did even less to soothe him than rampaging furiously did, and he soon found his fingers wrapping around his phone once again as they dialed an all-too familiar number.
“Critic! I’m so happy you called!” Film Brain answered with entirely too much cheeriness in his voice for the miserable Critic to stomach. “I’ve been wanting to talk to you for quite a while, but I was worried that you were too busy to chat, so I-”
“Film Brain,” Critic cut him off as he heaved a gloomy sigh, “I really need to talk to someone right now.”
“What’s wrong?” Film Brain’s tone instantly filled with worry. “Are you in trouble again?”
“No, it’s nothing like that,” Critic replied, moving the phone to his other hand so he could roll over onto his back. “It’s just… I had another fight with Nerd and he probably hates me now.”
“Oh, is that all? I thought it was something serious.” Critic frowned at Film Brain’s sudden nonchalance, which the Brit much have sensed since he swiftly added, “Not that I’m saying that you sabotaging your relationship isn’t important., because it is! Oh! N-not that I’m saying that that’s what you’re doing, Critic, because I’m sure even you wouldn’t be so childish or self-destructive… well, you haven’t been lately, I mean… and I… oh.” Film Brain sighed. “You’d probably like to speak to someone else about now, huh?”
To both of their surprise, Critic didn’t.
“Actually, Film Brain, I probably would get something out of your inability to keep your foot out of your mouth,” Critic replied, managing a small smile for the first time in hours. “I think talking to you might be just what I need right about now.”
“Really? You think I can help you?” Critic chuckled softly at the disbelief in Film Brain’s voice.
“Well, you’ve helped me through all my other fuck-ups, so I figure one that doesn’t involve invading a country or sending people on life-threatening quests should be a piece of cake.”
“Then I hereby swear to do my best with whatever you need, Critic! Tell me all about what’s going on between you and Nerd.”
“All right.” Critic sat up on his bed. “But I don’t really want to talk over the phone like this. I’m gonna transport you over here for a little while, okay Film Brain?”
“You’re going to what?”
Critic lowered his phone and pressed the proper buttons. Seconds later a bewildered Film Brain appeared in a swirl of blue energy right in the middle of Critic’s bedroom.
“What the bloody hell was that?” he asked, cell phone still clutched to his ear as he stared at Critic, mouth agape.
“Eh, just some technology I stole from Insano,” Critic answered with a shrug as he hung up his phone. “I figure it might come in handy some day. So anyway, can we get back to my problem now?”
“Right.” Film Brain pocketed his phone and sat down on the edge of Critic’s bed. “What happened, Critic?”
“Well,” Critic started, looking down at the carpet as he thought back to the events of that day. “I don’t even know, really. Everything seemed to be going fine. I went to visit Nerd at his place for a few days and we decided to just hang out and do nothing today, like we usually do. So we were just shooting the shit for a little while, talking about movies we’d seen, and this segued into talking about work.”
Film Brain nodded, knowing all too well how often that topic came up when producers were talking with each other.
“So Nerd told me about this review he was working on and showed me this new camera he bought,” Critic continued, one hand reaching up to play with the end of his tie, “and I guess I made some joke about him sucking in high-definition now or something. Well, he didn’t really like that I guess, but I wasn’t fucking serious or anything. So I told him to stop being a baby and to grow some fucking balls, and, well, he didn’t like that either, so we just started kinda screaming at each other.”
“Hmmm,” Film Brain murmured, his brows knitting together as he took in Critic’s words.
“That wasn’t all of it.” Critic continued fiddling with his tie as he talked, seemingly trying to tie the end of it into a knot. “After that fight, we cooled down a little and decided to play some Mario Kart. Nerd wanted to watch a movie but I was in the mood for games and I figured he’d be into it, since, you know, ‘video game’ is only a part of his fucking name. But then he has the audacity to call me the world’s shittiest racer ever, and he even laughed when I hit myself with my own green shell!” Critic’s eyes seemed to light up with rage as he remembered the incident. “So I told him he should consider shoving that controller up his ass, and he told me to calm down, and I insulted him some more, and then finally I just got the hell out of there! I mean, who needs that kind of abuse day in and day out? I certainly don’t, so screw Nerd and his fucking video games!”
Critic continued ranting about Nerd for several more minutes, naming quite a few of the gamer’s things that he could screw as he did, while Film Brain watched him with increasingly widened eyes.
“So, let me get this straight,” he said when Critic had finally paused to take in a breath. “First, Nerd shared something with you about his work and you jokingly insulted him for pretty much no reason. Then, after he’d agreed to do what you wanted to, he made a joke himself about your well-known appalling skills at games, you both got into a shouting match, and then you left. Have I gotten that right?”
“Well… yes,” Critic admitted, now wringing his tie like it was a wet towel, “but… when you say it like that, I come off like…” He sighed and dropped his head again. “Like such a jackass.”
“I wouldn’t go that far,” Film Brain said softly. He was always ready to lift Critic’s spirits when the other man was feeling low, but this time Critic shook his head.
“No, you should. God, what is wrong with me?” Critic rubbed his hands over his face, leaving his tie to hang limply around his neck. It now resembled less an article of clothing and more a bread tie.
“You’re just not used to being in a relationship,” Film Brain said, moving closer to Critic so he could pat his shoulder consolingly. “Didn’t you tell me that Nerd was the first serious romantic partner you’ve had in your life?”
“I did, after you promised never to tell anyone that piece of information even under penalty of torture,” Critic shot back before casting a worried glance around the room, as if someone were listening to them.
“And I’ve always kept that promise,” Film Brain reassured him, which helped settle Critic’s nerve. “But my point is, you’re still very inexperienced when it comes romantic relationships… and any other type of relationship, really, sorry to say.”
“No, it’s fine,” Critic said with a defeated sigh. “I already know it’s true. Hearing it out loud shouldn’t make any difference.” He glanced over at Film Brain, his eyes lost and bleeding vulnerability. “So… what am I supposed to do, Film Brain? I don’t want to go on like this… I don’t want to lose him.”
Film Brain could sense Critic’s fear and it broke his heart. He smiled at him warmly, encouragingly, and pulled the older man into a gentle embrace.
“You’re not going to lose him, Critic,” he told him, his words gentle but resolute. “I’ve never seen two people more in love than you and Nerd. There’s no way a connection like yours can be torn apart by one stupid fight.”
“Yeah?” Critic stared into Film Brain’s eyes, desperate to see he truly meant his words. Film Brain nodded.
“Yes. But, you might lose him if you keep engaging in stupid fights over petty, trivial bullshit.”
Critic’s expression drooped again but he knew Film Brain was right.
“So, if you really want my advice,” Film Brain continued, “then stop holding grudges, stop turning to insults when you’re unsure of what else you should say, and stop running away when you’re upset. If you keep pushing Nerd away and then bailing before getting a chance to settle things, you might find that one day, he won’t be willing to talk to you at all.”
“I don’t want that to happen,” Critic admitted, his eyes growing haunted by the very thought of never being able to see Nerd’s smile or listen as he ranted about a terrible game again.
“I know, Critic. But I truly believe what I said before.” Film Brain stared directly into Critic’s eyes and spoke calmly. “Nerd loves you and wants to be with you. So as long as you’re making an effort at your relationship, then I just know you’ll be able to make it work.”
“I wish I could be as confident as you, Film Brain. I just don’t think I can do this on my own.” Critic looked disgusted by this admission, hating how immature and pathetic he felt at failing what should have been a simple task. Only when Film Brain squeezed his knee did he look up again.
“But Critic, you won’t have to do this alone,” he chided with a laugh, shaking his head a little at how silly Critic sounded. “You and Nerd can work on this together. You just have to tell him what you told me and no matter what happens, don’t get angry or run away. If you don’t feel ready just yet, you can always practice on me, you know.” Film Brain laughed again. “Although you’d honestly be better off talking to a bloke who’s actually managed to have a successful relationship in the past decade.”
Film Brain’s merriment turned to surprise when Critic pulled him into a hug this time.
“No way. When I want to bitch about my fucked up life, there’s only one guy I’m turning to,” Critic said, softly enough that Film Brain was certain it had taken a lot for him to admit such a fact. Critic seemed to grow uncomfortable with the revelation since he quickly added, “Well, there are two, but Nerd’s usually too busy playing with his cats to care about my bullshit.”
“I’m honored to receive the Number 2 slot on that roster anyway,” Film Brain kidded, helping to lighten the mood. He yawned then and stretched his arms out over his head, which amused Critic.
“Oh, am I boring you now?”
“No, sorry, I’m just a bit tired. We’re several hours ahead of the States, and I was getting ready to get to bed when you called.”
“Right. Shit, I’m sorry, Film Brain.” Critic watched the younger man rub his eyes a little and felt horrible. “There’s more of my selfish, immature behavior to work on I guess.”
“Critic, I really don’t mind,” Film Brain insisted, shooting him a friendly if tired smile. “You know I’m always ready to help out a friend.”
Critic looked down, not wanting Film Brain to see how touched he was by this simple term of affection. He was used to having incompetent subordinates and bitchy co-workers, but friends were still new phenomena for him.
“Yeah.” Critic couldn’t figure out what else to say to Film Brain, so he shot him one final, appreciative look. “Thank you, Film Brain… to me, you really are… you know…. so thanks.”
Film Brain nodded, understanding what Critic wanted to say but couldn’t articulate quite yet. “So, if you don’t mind, could you pop me back home with your stolen technology?”
Critic laughed and pulled out his phone. “Trust me, it’s better off that Insano doesn’t have this.”
Critic watched Film Brain disappear into the ether once more before he stared down at his phone, willing it to ring but knowing it wouldn’t. He was certain of very few things in this world, but when it came to Nerd, Critic knew what he had to do. He had to stop running and stop hiding everything, even the things that hurt or terrified him more than any balloon with eyes ever could.
Critic took a breath and slowly dialed Nerd’s number.
“Hey, it’s me… I want to talk.”
It's a short fic about Critic having relationship troubles and turning to Film Brain to help him out. I loved how in the beginning of To Boldly
Flee, it seemed like Critic calling Film Brain to talk was not an unusual occurrence for either of them. It really made me believe that their
relationship had matured a great deal from toady and boss to true friends, and this fic focuses on that friendship. It's also set before To
Boldly Flee, since I didn't want to have to deal with Critic being the Plot Hole/a god/whatever he is now.
I hope you enjoy it! :)
“That’s it, I’m fucking outta here!”
“Critic! Would you just calm down and listen to me? I didn’t mean-”
“Fuck you, Nerd! Just-just fuck you!”
Critic stormed out of Nerd’s house, holding his crumpled jacket and hat in his arms as he’d been too enraged to get properly dressed before leaving. Once he was outside, he snatched his phone from his pocket and pressed a few buttons before he was teleported back to his own home in Chicago.
Critic stomped through his house for a few hours more, slamming doors and cursing at anyone who dared to talk to him, before his fury was exhausted and he was left with nothing but loneliness and regret keeping him company.
“Why does this keep happening?” he moaned as he collapsed onto his bed, burying his head under his pillows. “Why am I always getting into a fucking fight with him?”
Critic discovered that moping wistfully did even less to soothe him than rampaging furiously did, and he soon found his fingers wrapping around his phone once again as they dialed an all-too familiar number.
“Critic! I’m so happy you called!” Film Brain answered with entirely too much cheeriness in his voice for the miserable Critic to stomach. “I’ve been wanting to talk to you for quite a while, but I was worried that you were too busy to chat, so I-”
“Film Brain,” Critic cut him off as he heaved a gloomy sigh, “I really need to talk to someone right now.”
“What’s wrong?” Film Brain’s tone instantly filled with worry. “Are you in trouble again?”
“No, it’s nothing like that,” Critic replied, moving the phone to his other hand so he could roll over onto his back. “It’s just… I had another fight with Nerd and he probably hates me now.”
“Oh, is that all? I thought it was something serious.” Critic frowned at Film Brain’s sudden nonchalance, which the Brit much have sensed since he swiftly added, “Not that I’m saying that you sabotaging your relationship isn’t important., because it is! Oh! N-not that I’m saying that that’s what you’re doing, Critic, because I’m sure even you wouldn’t be so childish or self-destructive… well, you haven’t been lately, I mean… and I… oh.” Film Brain sighed. “You’d probably like to speak to someone else about now, huh?”
To both of their surprise, Critic didn’t.
“Actually, Film Brain, I probably would get something out of your inability to keep your foot out of your mouth,” Critic replied, managing a small smile for the first time in hours. “I think talking to you might be just what I need right about now.”
“Really? You think I can help you?” Critic chuckled softly at the disbelief in Film Brain’s voice.
“Well, you’ve helped me through all my other fuck-ups, so I figure one that doesn’t involve invading a country or sending people on life-threatening quests should be a piece of cake.”
“Then I hereby swear to do my best with whatever you need, Critic! Tell me all about what’s going on between you and Nerd.”
“All right.” Critic sat up on his bed. “But I don’t really want to talk over the phone like this. I’m gonna transport you over here for a little while, okay Film Brain?”
“You’re going to what?”
Critic lowered his phone and pressed the proper buttons. Seconds later a bewildered Film Brain appeared in a swirl of blue energy right in the middle of Critic’s bedroom.
“What the bloody hell was that?” he asked, cell phone still clutched to his ear as he stared at Critic, mouth agape.
“Eh, just some technology I stole from Insano,” Critic answered with a shrug as he hung up his phone. “I figure it might come in handy some day. So anyway, can we get back to my problem now?”
“Right.” Film Brain pocketed his phone and sat down on the edge of Critic’s bed. “What happened, Critic?”
“Well,” Critic started, looking down at the carpet as he thought back to the events of that day. “I don’t even know, really. Everything seemed to be going fine. I went to visit Nerd at his place for a few days and we decided to just hang out and do nothing today, like we usually do. So we were just shooting the shit for a little while, talking about movies we’d seen, and this segued into talking about work.”
Film Brain nodded, knowing all too well how often that topic came up when producers were talking with each other.
“So Nerd told me about this review he was working on and showed me this new camera he bought,” Critic continued, one hand reaching up to play with the end of his tie, “and I guess I made some joke about him sucking in high-definition now or something. Well, he didn’t really like that I guess, but I wasn’t fucking serious or anything. So I told him to stop being a baby and to grow some fucking balls, and, well, he didn’t like that either, so we just started kinda screaming at each other.”
“Hmmm,” Film Brain murmured, his brows knitting together as he took in Critic’s words.
“That wasn’t all of it.” Critic continued fiddling with his tie as he talked, seemingly trying to tie the end of it into a knot. “After that fight, we cooled down a little and decided to play some Mario Kart. Nerd wanted to watch a movie but I was in the mood for games and I figured he’d be into it, since, you know, ‘video game’ is only a part of his fucking name. But then he has the audacity to call me the world’s shittiest racer ever, and he even laughed when I hit myself with my own green shell!” Critic’s eyes seemed to light up with rage as he remembered the incident. “So I told him he should consider shoving that controller up his ass, and he told me to calm down, and I insulted him some more, and then finally I just got the hell out of there! I mean, who needs that kind of abuse day in and day out? I certainly don’t, so screw Nerd and his fucking video games!”
Critic continued ranting about Nerd for several more minutes, naming quite a few of the gamer’s things that he could screw as he did, while Film Brain watched him with increasingly widened eyes.
“So, let me get this straight,” he said when Critic had finally paused to take in a breath. “First, Nerd shared something with you about his work and you jokingly insulted him for pretty much no reason. Then, after he’d agreed to do what you wanted to, he made a joke himself about your well-known appalling skills at games, you both got into a shouting match, and then you left. Have I gotten that right?”
“Well… yes,” Critic admitted, now wringing his tie like it was a wet towel, “but… when you say it like that, I come off like…” He sighed and dropped his head again. “Like such a jackass.”
“I wouldn’t go that far,” Film Brain said softly. He was always ready to lift Critic’s spirits when the other man was feeling low, but this time Critic shook his head.
“No, you should. God, what is wrong with me?” Critic rubbed his hands over his face, leaving his tie to hang limply around his neck. It now resembled less an article of clothing and more a bread tie.
“You’re just not used to being in a relationship,” Film Brain said, moving closer to Critic so he could pat his shoulder consolingly. “Didn’t you tell me that Nerd was the first serious romantic partner you’ve had in your life?”
“I did, after you promised never to tell anyone that piece of information even under penalty of torture,” Critic shot back before casting a worried glance around the room, as if someone were listening to them.
“And I’ve always kept that promise,” Film Brain reassured him, which helped settle Critic’s nerve. “But my point is, you’re still very inexperienced when it comes romantic relationships… and any other type of relationship, really, sorry to say.”
“No, it’s fine,” Critic said with a defeated sigh. “I already know it’s true. Hearing it out loud shouldn’t make any difference.” He glanced over at Film Brain, his eyes lost and bleeding vulnerability. “So… what am I supposed to do, Film Brain? I don’t want to go on like this… I don’t want to lose him.”
Film Brain could sense Critic’s fear and it broke his heart. He smiled at him warmly, encouragingly, and pulled the older man into a gentle embrace.
“You’re not going to lose him, Critic,” he told him, his words gentle but resolute. “I’ve never seen two people more in love than you and Nerd. There’s no way a connection like yours can be torn apart by one stupid fight.”
“Yeah?” Critic stared into Film Brain’s eyes, desperate to see he truly meant his words. Film Brain nodded.
“Yes. But, you might lose him if you keep engaging in stupid fights over petty, trivial bullshit.”
Critic’s expression drooped again but he knew Film Brain was right.
“So, if you really want my advice,” Film Brain continued, “then stop holding grudges, stop turning to insults when you’re unsure of what else you should say, and stop running away when you’re upset. If you keep pushing Nerd away and then bailing before getting a chance to settle things, you might find that one day, he won’t be willing to talk to you at all.”
“I don’t want that to happen,” Critic admitted, his eyes growing haunted by the very thought of never being able to see Nerd’s smile or listen as he ranted about a terrible game again.
“I know, Critic. But I truly believe what I said before.” Film Brain stared directly into Critic’s eyes and spoke calmly. “Nerd loves you and wants to be with you. So as long as you’re making an effort at your relationship, then I just know you’ll be able to make it work.”
“I wish I could be as confident as you, Film Brain. I just don’t think I can do this on my own.” Critic looked disgusted by this admission, hating how immature and pathetic he felt at failing what should have been a simple task. Only when Film Brain squeezed his knee did he look up again.
“But Critic, you won’t have to do this alone,” he chided with a laugh, shaking his head a little at how silly Critic sounded. “You and Nerd can work on this together. You just have to tell him what you told me and no matter what happens, don’t get angry or run away. If you don’t feel ready just yet, you can always practice on me, you know.” Film Brain laughed again. “Although you’d honestly be better off talking to a bloke who’s actually managed to have a successful relationship in the past decade.”
Film Brain’s merriment turned to surprise when Critic pulled him into a hug this time.
“No way. When I want to bitch about my fucked up life, there’s only one guy I’m turning to,” Critic said, softly enough that Film Brain was certain it had taken a lot for him to admit such a fact. Critic seemed to grow uncomfortable with the revelation since he quickly added, “Well, there are two, but Nerd’s usually too busy playing with his cats to care about my bullshit.”
“I’m honored to receive the Number 2 slot on that roster anyway,” Film Brain kidded, helping to lighten the mood. He yawned then and stretched his arms out over his head, which amused Critic.
“Oh, am I boring you now?”
“No, sorry, I’m just a bit tired. We’re several hours ahead of the States, and I was getting ready to get to bed when you called.”
“Right. Shit, I’m sorry, Film Brain.” Critic watched the younger man rub his eyes a little and felt horrible. “There’s more of my selfish, immature behavior to work on I guess.”
“Critic, I really don’t mind,” Film Brain insisted, shooting him a friendly if tired smile. “You know I’m always ready to help out a friend.”
Critic looked down, not wanting Film Brain to see how touched he was by this simple term of affection. He was used to having incompetent subordinates and bitchy co-workers, but friends were still new phenomena for him.
“Yeah.” Critic couldn’t figure out what else to say to Film Brain, so he shot him one final, appreciative look. “Thank you, Film Brain… to me, you really are… you know…. so thanks.”
Film Brain nodded, understanding what Critic wanted to say but couldn’t articulate quite yet. “So, if you don’t mind, could you pop me back home with your stolen technology?”
Critic laughed and pulled out his phone. “Trust me, it’s better off that Insano doesn’t have this.”
Critic watched Film Brain disappear into the ether once more before he stared down at his phone, willing it to ring but knowing it wouldn’t. He was certain of very few things in this world, but when it came to Nerd, Critic knew what he had to do. He had to stop running and stop hiding everything, even the things that hurt or terrified him more than any balloon with eyes ever could.
Critic took a breath and slowly dialed Nerd’s number.
“Hey, it’s me… I want to talk.”