This Was The Best Birthday Ever!
Another ficlet, for the prompt of it being Son of Insano's first birthday and Insano kidnaps some reviewers to attend his party. I kind of want to write more of the reviewers being captured here, but I felt like I already had enough. Maybe I'll write more if I get some good ideas for presents.
The title is taken from Greg's line during "World's Worst", where they wanted the worst lover. The word I removed from his line is Grandma. Oh Greg, you and Ryan were never afraid to go disturbing places.
When the invitations arrived proclaiming ‘SOI requests the honor of your presence at his first birthday party, next Saturday at 1:00’, the Channel Awesome reviewers turned in concern to Spoony.
“Don’t worry,” Spoony told a few on the phone, and a few more in emails, “just send a present and you won’t have to show up. I’ll take care of everything.” Feeling relieved, the producers quickly followed instructions and sent their gifts to Insano several days before the party would be held.
That next Saturday, they inevitably found themselves waking up bound to wooden chairs arranged in a circle around a table laden with familiar wrapped packages in a room filled with streamers and balloons.
“Damn it, Spoony, this is how you take care of things?” the Critic yelled as he struggled to free himself.
“I didn’t think Insano was going to chloroform us and forcibly bring us here!” Spoony snapped back, also pulling against his ropes. “That’s more of the Chick’s deal.”
“Bite me,” the Nostalgia Chick said, not even bothering to struggle.
“Well, I see you’re all awake!” The reviewers turned as Insano and a ball of pink tendrils with large eyes entered the room. “Good, now the party can truly begin! We are both so pleased you could all attend this most joyous day, aren’t we?”
“Riki-tee!” Son of Insano chirped as he bounced over to the pile of presents.
“Now, which one should you open first?” Insano reached for a gift wrapped in Power Rangers paper. “Oh, this one is from our fearless hero, Linkara. I wonder what it could be.”
“Mmmmm!” Linkara, unlike the other producers, was gagged as well as bound.
“Riki!” Son of Insano somehow managed to rip the paper off despite lacking hands and Insano lifted up a stack of comic books.
“Oh, how original,” Insano snarked while Linkara’s face reddened slightly. “Did you even bother to buy these, or did you just pull them out of your personal collection?”
“Hey, he bought those,” Marzgurl defended from her chair, which was beside Linkara’s. “Linkara wouldn’t cheap out on a kid’s birthday like that!” Linkara offered her a thankful glance.
“And how much would you spend on a darling child’s birthday?” Insano asked as he picked up her lumpy present wrapped in blue and purple paper. “Here you go.”
“Riki-ki!” Son of Insano soon trilled with glee when a Raggedy Ann doll emerged from the wrappings. Insano, on the other hand, looked less than thrilled.
“What is that?”
“Uh, a doll?” Marzgurl said, sounding slightly confused. “I had one like that when I was young, so I thought your daughter would like it too.”
“That’s my son, you idiotic girl!” Insano snarled, causing Marzgurl to wince.
“Oh, really? I guess I just assumed… because of all the pink… uh, sorry.”
“Moron,” Insano muttered before reaching down. “Here, son, give Daddy the doll and he’ll exchange it for a better gift.”
“Riki!” Son of Insano wrapped a few tendrils around the doll and clung tightly to it.
“All right, fine,” Insano sighed. “I suppose we can just put it next to your tea set. All right, now let’s see what the Nostalgia Critic bought for your birthday.”
“My present is pretty awesome,” the Critic bragged as Son of Insano ripped off the bright red bow and placed it on his head. “Ta-da!” he shouted when the pink ball of happiness lifted a few Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles action figures into the air. “You’ve got the whole team there, Leonardo, Raphael, Dona-”
“Riki.” Son of Insano dropped the figures unenthusiastically and returned to cuddling his Raggedy Ann.
“Hey! You can’t just do that to the Turtles!” The Critic looked slightly hurt as stared down at the abandoned figures, and gasped when Insano kicked them out of the room.
“Another act of incompetence from the Critic,” Insano muttered as reached for the Chick’s gift, which was wrapped in paper a shade of pink that matched his son’s hue.
“I got him a doll too,” the Chick said before he could open it.
“Damn it, he’s a boy!” Insano shouted while his son began cuddling both dolls.
“I know. I did it to subvert the rigid gender roles this country forces on children,” the Chick explained. “If a boy wants to play with a doll, or play dress-up, why shouldn’t he-”
“Remind me to never invite you to a party again,” Insano interrupted, earning an angry glare from the Chick. “Ok, I guess the last gift we have here is from Spoony!”
“Wait,” Spoony exclaimed when he saw the only package left on the table, which was very large. “I didn’t get him whatever that is, I got him a yo-yo.”
“I know,” Insano told him with a smug smile. “Then you decided that a yo-yo did not properly express just how much my son means to you, so you asked me to pick out the most expensive gift I could find with this.”
“What?” Spoony’s eyes almost bugged out of his skull when Insano pulled his credit card from the pocket of his lab coat. “You bastard! I’ll fucking kill you!”
“Riki-ki-ki!” Son of Insano squealed as he pulled a child’s fully functional sports car out of the box and quickly jumped into the driver’s seat.
“I know, it is amazing.” Insano moved the car onto the ground and watched his son drive in circles around the room before speeding off down the hallway. “They grow up so fast,” he sighed, clutching his hands together.
“So, are we done here?” the Critic asked, sounding hesitant.
“Yes, I suppose you’ve done enough,” Insano said, turning to reveal a jar of chloroform and a rag in his hands. “Besides, I still have so many more of your producer friends to bring here so that they can watch my son open their gifts! This party may just last for a week!”
The title is taken from Greg's line during "World's Worst", where they wanted the worst lover. The word I removed from his line is Grandma. Oh Greg, you and Ryan were never afraid to go disturbing places.
When the invitations arrived proclaiming ‘SOI requests the honor of your presence at his first birthday party, next Saturday at 1:00’, the Channel Awesome reviewers turned in concern to Spoony.
“Don’t worry,” Spoony told a few on the phone, and a few more in emails, “just send a present and you won’t have to show up. I’ll take care of everything.” Feeling relieved, the producers quickly followed instructions and sent their gifts to Insano several days before the party would be held.
That next Saturday, they inevitably found themselves waking up bound to wooden chairs arranged in a circle around a table laden with familiar wrapped packages in a room filled with streamers and balloons.
“Damn it, Spoony, this is how you take care of things?” the Critic yelled as he struggled to free himself.
“I didn’t think Insano was going to chloroform us and forcibly bring us here!” Spoony snapped back, also pulling against his ropes. “That’s more of the Chick’s deal.”
“Bite me,” the Nostalgia Chick said, not even bothering to struggle.
“Well, I see you’re all awake!” The reviewers turned as Insano and a ball of pink tendrils with large eyes entered the room. “Good, now the party can truly begin! We are both so pleased you could all attend this most joyous day, aren’t we?”
“Riki-tee!” Son of Insano chirped as he bounced over to the pile of presents.
“Now, which one should you open first?” Insano reached for a gift wrapped in Power Rangers paper. “Oh, this one is from our fearless hero, Linkara. I wonder what it could be.”
“Mmmmm!” Linkara, unlike the other producers, was gagged as well as bound.
“Riki!” Son of Insano somehow managed to rip the paper off despite lacking hands and Insano lifted up a stack of comic books.
“Oh, how original,” Insano snarked while Linkara’s face reddened slightly. “Did you even bother to buy these, or did you just pull them out of your personal collection?”
“Hey, he bought those,” Marzgurl defended from her chair, which was beside Linkara’s. “Linkara wouldn’t cheap out on a kid’s birthday like that!” Linkara offered her a thankful glance.
“And how much would you spend on a darling child’s birthday?” Insano asked as he picked up her lumpy present wrapped in blue and purple paper. “Here you go.”
“Riki-ki!” Son of Insano soon trilled with glee when a Raggedy Ann doll emerged from the wrappings. Insano, on the other hand, looked less than thrilled.
“What is that?”
“Uh, a doll?” Marzgurl said, sounding slightly confused. “I had one like that when I was young, so I thought your daughter would like it too.”
“That’s my son, you idiotic girl!” Insano snarled, causing Marzgurl to wince.
“Oh, really? I guess I just assumed… because of all the pink… uh, sorry.”
“Moron,” Insano muttered before reaching down. “Here, son, give Daddy the doll and he’ll exchange it for a better gift.”
“Riki!” Son of Insano wrapped a few tendrils around the doll and clung tightly to it.
“All right, fine,” Insano sighed. “I suppose we can just put it next to your tea set. All right, now let’s see what the Nostalgia Critic bought for your birthday.”
“My present is pretty awesome,” the Critic bragged as Son of Insano ripped off the bright red bow and placed it on his head. “Ta-da!” he shouted when the pink ball of happiness lifted a few Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles action figures into the air. “You’ve got the whole team there, Leonardo, Raphael, Dona-”
“Riki.” Son of Insano dropped the figures unenthusiastically and returned to cuddling his Raggedy Ann.
“Hey! You can’t just do that to the Turtles!” The Critic looked slightly hurt as stared down at the abandoned figures, and gasped when Insano kicked them out of the room.
“Another act of incompetence from the Critic,” Insano muttered as reached for the Chick’s gift, which was wrapped in paper a shade of pink that matched his son’s hue.
“I got him a doll too,” the Chick said before he could open it.
“Damn it, he’s a boy!” Insano shouted while his son began cuddling both dolls.
“I know. I did it to subvert the rigid gender roles this country forces on children,” the Chick explained. “If a boy wants to play with a doll, or play dress-up, why shouldn’t he-”
“Remind me to never invite you to a party again,” Insano interrupted, earning an angry glare from the Chick. “Ok, I guess the last gift we have here is from Spoony!”
“Wait,” Spoony exclaimed when he saw the only package left on the table, which was very large. “I didn’t get him whatever that is, I got him a yo-yo.”
“I know,” Insano told him with a smug smile. “Then you decided that a yo-yo did not properly express just how much my son means to you, so you asked me to pick out the most expensive gift I could find with this.”
“What?” Spoony’s eyes almost bugged out of his skull when Insano pulled his credit card from the pocket of his lab coat. “You bastard! I’ll fucking kill you!”
“Riki-ki-ki!” Son of Insano squealed as he pulled a child’s fully functional sports car out of the box and quickly jumped into the driver’s seat.
“I know, it is amazing.” Insano moved the car onto the ground and watched his son drive in circles around the room before speeding off down the hallway. “They grow up so fast,” he sighed, clutching his hands together.
“So, are we done here?” the Critic asked, sounding hesitant.
“Yes, I suppose you’ve done enough,” Insano said, turning to reveal a jar of chloroform and a rag in his hands. “Besides, I still have so many more of your producer friends to bring here so that they can watch my son open their gifts! This party may just last for a week!”