When I Got Back, The Baby Was Upside-Down
Another fic for the kink meme. I was hoping to post this before it got filled but I was a little too late. I know it's acceptable to write multiple fills for a prompt, but i just don't feel comfortable doing that yet. Anyway, this is for the prompt of Cinema Snob baby-sitting Son of Insano. Now, while I think Brad is a very sweet, kind, friendly guy who would probably do well with children, I just can't see the Snob being so fortunate when looking after one. I know he has cats, as seen in some videos, but they don't seem as needy as a child would be, in my opinion, so I wrote this as not going so well.
The title comes from a lovely March done by Paul, who was always delightfully bad during singing games. I love Paul and wish he had been on WL more.
It was a dreary afternoon in Springfield. Cinema Snob was celebrating the release of his latest review by actually watching good films for a change. At least, he would have been, if there hadn’t been a sudden rapping upon his front door. Grumbling to himself, the Snob stepped outside and found himself staring into the swirly goggles of Dr. Insano.
“Oh, this can’t be good,” he muttered while the scientist scowled at him.
“Spare your inane chatter, you blowhard,” he snapped. “I’ve come to ask for a favor.”
“And you certainly are doing a good job of buttering me up,” the Snob said sarcastically. That’s when he noticed the mass of pink tendrils hopping around his porch. “What the hell is that?”
“My son,” Insano said. “And I need you to watch him for the rest of the day.”
“What? Why?”
“I’m here in town for a mad scientist’s convention,” Insano explained as he handed Cinema Snob a brochure for the event. “Usually I don’t bring my son when I come, but that buffoon I live with had to go out of town as well this weekend.”
“Doesn’t the hotel you’re going to have a daycare center?” the Snob asked as he glanced through the pamphlet.
“Yes, but I don’t like the looks of the people in charge,” Insano admitted with a frown. “If they’ve agreed to host an event teeming with psychotic individuals like myself, they must not have the brightest bulbs at work there, and I’d be loath to leave my child in such surroundings.”
“Good point,” Cinema Snob agreed. “But why do you trust me? I barely know Spoony, let alone you.”
“Yes, well, as I recall you were one of the only sane people during that whole Molossia fiasco,” Insano said. “Even though it led to your banishment, I found your logical mind and cold personality something to admire.”
“Thanks, I guess,” the Snob said, wondering if he should feel insulted.
“So, that’s why I’ve chosen you to watch my son,” Insano went on as he bent down. “Son, come over and say hello to the nice man.” Son of Insano bounced over to where they stood and peered up at Cinema Snob.
“Riki-tee!” he chirped before rubbing against the Snob’s leg.
“Aw, he likes you,” Insano said in an adoring voice. “You two will have a wonderful day together.”
“Wait, I never agreed to this,” Cinema Snob tried to protest.
“Make sure he eats all his vegetables at dinner and don’t give him any sugar-I don’t want him up all night,” Insano instructed, completely ignoring the other man’s protests. “He enjoys cartoons and documentaries about SCIENCE, but isn’t too fond of the dark, so make sure you keep the lights on at all times. I’ll be back before it gets too late, but if he gets sleepy just tuck him into your bed. If you need to reach me, call the hotel and have me paged.”
“Riki-ki!” Son of Insano squealed as his father pulled him into a hug and kissed the top part of his body.
“Good-bye, son, be good for the nice snob. Daddy will be back tonight.” Insano stood back up and turned to leave. “Oh, yes, and one more thing.” He looked back over his shoulder at the Snob and lowered his voice. “If any harm at all comes to my son while he’s here, I was personally destroy everything and everyone you’ve ever held dear. Do I make myself clear?”
“Crystal,” the Snob answered in a slightly higher pitched voice.
“Good. Ta-ta.” Insano walked back to his car and drove off while waving to his son, who waved back with several tendrils. Then he bounced inside the Snob’s house and started exploring while the reviewer watched.
“Today is going to suck, isn’t it?”
-----
A few hours later, Cinema Snob could be found leaning behind his couch and trying to coax his cats back out into the living room.
“Come on, it’s okay,” he called in a soft tone, “that little pink thing won’t hurt you.” Two Siamese faces hissed at his approaching hand and one paw wielding claws swatted at him. “Fuck,” the Snob said softly as he pulled back a second before being scratched.
“Riki-tee?”
“No, that’s not a new word you should tell your Daddy about,” Cinema Snob told the pink child while mentally unleashing several more expletives. He had spent most of his day chasing the ball of energy around, dodging piles of mashed potatoes and carrots that fell from Son of Insano’s plate as he ate dinner, or hiding from him when he found the bottles of exotic drinks sent to his house by fans and started throwing them around in some sort of game he’d invented.
“Riki-ki-ki!”
“I know you’re bored, just hang on a minute.” Giving up on his cats for the time being, the Snob walked over to his racks of DVDs. “There’s got to be something here that’s good for kids.”
“Riki-tee?” He looked down as Son of Insano held up several DVDs with his tendrils. Among his picks were ‘Alice in Wonderland: An X-Rated Musical Fantasy’, ‘Super Hornio Brothers’, and ‘E.T. the Porno’.
“Uh, no, I think we have better movies than those,” the Snob said as he quickly grabbed the movies and tossed them behind the couch as well, earning another round of hissing from the cats. “Let me go pick something out and you can go sit in my chair, ok?”
“Riki!” While Son of Insano made himself comfortable in Cinema Snob’s chair, the producer wandered over to his wife’s rack of anime.
“She said most of these would be okay for kids to watch,” he muttered as he examined the backs of a few.
“Riki-tee?”
“What? Oh, sure, you can eat that candy bar. It’s not like I was going to eat it,” he muttered under his breath.
“Ri-ki!” The Snob nodded before heading back to his search.
“Oh, this one only has six episodes. That should eat up a good chunk of time without going for too long.” The Snob slipped the DVD entitled ‘Fooly Cooly’ into his player and turned it on before heading into the kitchen for a drink.
------
An hour later, Son of Insano was rampaging through the house on a sugar-high, a guitar clutched in several tendrils, as he proceeded to bash every object he could find. Cinema Snob had barely managed to push his TV, computer, and a few lamps into his bedroom before barricading it with a bookshelf. Currently he was on the phone with his wife, who was spending the weekend with some friends.
“Honey, I thought you said these shows were good for children,” he yelled into his cell over the crash of a window. “Well, how am I supposed to remember which anime contains crazy aliens hitting people with guitars?” Another DVD rack fell over then and the Snob looked up. “Honey, I have to go.” He hung up, summoned all of the courage he had, and lunged at Son of Insano.
“Riki-tee!” he squealed as he was caught by the older man, obviously thinking they were playing a game. Son of Insano tried to squirm away and lost his grip on the guitar, which the Snob grabbed.
“Gotcha,” he muttered triumphantly before running to throw the guitar into another room. After properly barricading that door, Cinema Snob turned around panting. Son of Insano was still bouncing around the living room, more hyper than ever.
“Time for desperate measures.” The Snob flew into his kitchen and warmed up a glass of milk. Then, after checking to make sure he wasn’t being watched, he dropped a sleeping pill into the glass and stirred it until it dissolved. “Say, would anyone like a warm beverage?” Cinema Snob called with a dark smile.
------
When Insano returned that night, he was astounded to see his son snuggled on the lap of the Cinema Snob and sleeping peacefully.
“He didn’t give you any trouble, then?” he asked while collecting the ball of pink into his arms.
“No, we had a delightful afternoon,” Cinema Snob lied with a pleasant smile. After knocking the kid out, he’d spent the rest of the day picking up his broken possessions, pulling the shades down on his broken windows, and moving things back to their proper position. As far as anyone knew, the house looked the same as it had this morning.
“I’m so pleased,” Insano admitted as he cradled the sleeping child in his arms. “Here, take this for your trouble.” He reached into a pocket of his lab coat and pulled out a credit card. “It belongs to Spoony, but I’m sure he won’t mind you borrowing it for a while. Buy whatever suits your fancy and then mail it back to us.”
“Why, thank you, doctor.” The Snob smiled as he grasped the card tightly between his fingers. What’s a few broken possessions and destroyed crappy DVDs when you could buy all the foreign ‘Caligula’ memorabilia and Crystal Pepsi you wanted off of eBay anyway?
The title comes from a lovely March done by Paul, who was always delightfully bad during singing games. I love Paul and wish he had been on WL more.
It was a dreary afternoon in Springfield. Cinema Snob was celebrating the release of his latest review by actually watching good films for a change. At least, he would have been, if there hadn’t been a sudden rapping upon his front door. Grumbling to himself, the Snob stepped outside and found himself staring into the swirly goggles of Dr. Insano.
“Oh, this can’t be good,” he muttered while the scientist scowled at him.
“Spare your inane chatter, you blowhard,” he snapped. “I’ve come to ask for a favor.”
“And you certainly are doing a good job of buttering me up,” the Snob said sarcastically. That’s when he noticed the mass of pink tendrils hopping around his porch. “What the hell is that?”
“My son,” Insano said. “And I need you to watch him for the rest of the day.”
“What? Why?”
“I’m here in town for a mad scientist’s convention,” Insano explained as he handed Cinema Snob a brochure for the event. “Usually I don’t bring my son when I come, but that buffoon I live with had to go out of town as well this weekend.”
“Doesn’t the hotel you’re going to have a daycare center?” the Snob asked as he glanced through the pamphlet.
“Yes, but I don’t like the looks of the people in charge,” Insano admitted with a frown. “If they’ve agreed to host an event teeming with psychotic individuals like myself, they must not have the brightest bulbs at work there, and I’d be loath to leave my child in such surroundings.”
“Good point,” Cinema Snob agreed. “But why do you trust me? I barely know Spoony, let alone you.”
“Yes, well, as I recall you were one of the only sane people during that whole Molossia fiasco,” Insano said. “Even though it led to your banishment, I found your logical mind and cold personality something to admire.”
“Thanks, I guess,” the Snob said, wondering if he should feel insulted.
“So, that’s why I’ve chosen you to watch my son,” Insano went on as he bent down. “Son, come over and say hello to the nice man.” Son of Insano bounced over to where they stood and peered up at Cinema Snob.
“Riki-tee!” he chirped before rubbing against the Snob’s leg.
“Aw, he likes you,” Insano said in an adoring voice. “You two will have a wonderful day together.”
“Wait, I never agreed to this,” Cinema Snob tried to protest.
“Make sure he eats all his vegetables at dinner and don’t give him any sugar-I don’t want him up all night,” Insano instructed, completely ignoring the other man’s protests. “He enjoys cartoons and documentaries about SCIENCE, but isn’t too fond of the dark, so make sure you keep the lights on at all times. I’ll be back before it gets too late, but if he gets sleepy just tuck him into your bed. If you need to reach me, call the hotel and have me paged.”
“Riki-ki!” Son of Insano squealed as his father pulled him into a hug and kissed the top part of his body.
“Good-bye, son, be good for the nice snob. Daddy will be back tonight.” Insano stood back up and turned to leave. “Oh, yes, and one more thing.” He looked back over his shoulder at the Snob and lowered his voice. “If any harm at all comes to my son while he’s here, I was personally destroy everything and everyone you’ve ever held dear. Do I make myself clear?”
“Crystal,” the Snob answered in a slightly higher pitched voice.
“Good. Ta-ta.” Insano walked back to his car and drove off while waving to his son, who waved back with several tendrils. Then he bounced inside the Snob’s house and started exploring while the reviewer watched.
“Today is going to suck, isn’t it?”
-----
A few hours later, Cinema Snob could be found leaning behind his couch and trying to coax his cats back out into the living room.
“Come on, it’s okay,” he called in a soft tone, “that little pink thing won’t hurt you.” Two Siamese faces hissed at his approaching hand and one paw wielding claws swatted at him. “Fuck,” the Snob said softly as he pulled back a second before being scratched.
“Riki-tee?”
“No, that’s not a new word you should tell your Daddy about,” Cinema Snob told the pink child while mentally unleashing several more expletives. He had spent most of his day chasing the ball of energy around, dodging piles of mashed potatoes and carrots that fell from Son of Insano’s plate as he ate dinner, or hiding from him when he found the bottles of exotic drinks sent to his house by fans and started throwing them around in some sort of game he’d invented.
“Riki-ki-ki!”
“I know you’re bored, just hang on a minute.” Giving up on his cats for the time being, the Snob walked over to his racks of DVDs. “There’s got to be something here that’s good for kids.”
“Riki-tee?” He looked down as Son of Insano held up several DVDs with his tendrils. Among his picks were ‘Alice in Wonderland: An X-Rated Musical Fantasy’, ‘Super Hornio Brothers’, and ‘E.T. the Porno’.
“Uh, no, I think we have better movies than those,” the Snob said as he quickly grabbed the movies and tossed them behind the couch as well, earning another round of hissing from the cats. “Let me go pick something out and you can go sit in my chair, ok?”
“Riki!” While Son of Insano made himself comfortable in Cinema Snob’s chair, the producer wandered over to his wife’s rack of anime.
“She said most of these would be okay for kids to watch,” he muttered as he examined the backs of a few.
“Riki-tee?”
“What? Oh, sure, you can eat that candy bar. It’s not like I was going to eat it,” he muttered under his breath.
“Ri-ki!” The Snob nodded before heading back to his search.
“Oh, this one only has six episodes. That should eat up a good chunk of time without going for too long.” The Snob slipped the DVD entitled ‘Fooly Cooly’ into his player and turned it on before heading into the kitchen for a drink.
------
An hour later, Son of Insano was rampaging through the house on a sugar-high, a guitar clutched in several tendrils, as he proceeded to bash every object he could find. Cinema Snob had barely managed to push his TV, computer, and a few lamps into his bedroom before barricading it with a bookshelf. Currently he was on the phone with his wife, who was spending the weekend with some friends.
“Honey, I thought you said these shows were good for children,” he yelled into his cell over the crash of a window. “Well, how am I supposed to remember which anime contains crazy aliens hitting people with guitars?” Another DVD rack fell over then and the Snob looked up. “Honey, I have to go.” He hung up, summoned all of the courage he had, and lunged at Son of Insano.
“Riki-tee!” he squealed as he was caught by the older man, obviously thinking they were playing a game. Son of Insano tried to squirm away and lost his grip on the guitar, which the Snob grabbed.
“Gotcha,” he muttered triumphantly before running to throw the guitar into another room. After properly barricading that door, Cinema Snob turned around panting. Son of Insano was still bouncing around the living room, more hyper than ever.
“Time for desperate measures.” The Snob flew into his kitchen and warmed up a glass of milk. Then, after checking to make sure he wasn’t being watched, he dropped a sleeping pill into the glass and stirred it until it dissolved. “Say, would anyone like a warm beverage?” Cinema Snob called with a dark smile.
------
When Insano returned that night, he was astounded to see his son snuggled on the lap of the Cinema Snob and sleeping peacefully.
“He didn’t give you any trouble, then?” he asked while collecting the ball of pink into his arms.
“No, we had a delightful afternoon,” Cinema Snob lied with a pleasant smile. After knocking the kid out, he’d spent the rest of the day picking up his broken possessions, pulling the shades down on his broken windows, and moving things back to their proper position. As far as anyone knew, the house looked the same as it had this morning.
“I’m so pleased,” Insano admitted as he cradled the sleeping child in his arms. “Here, take this for your trouble.” He reached into a pocket of his lab coat and pulled out a credit card. “It belongs to Spoony, but I’m sure he won’t mind you borrowing it for a while. Buy whatever suits your fancy and then mail it back to us.”
“Why, thank you, doctor.” The Snob smiled as he grasped the card tightly between his fingers. What’s a few broken possessions and destroyed crappy DVDs when you could buy all the foreign ‘Caligula’ memorabilia and Crystal Pepsi you wanted off of eBay anyway?