useless thoughts
anonymous
September 5 2004, 00:43:00 UTC
Maybe this confession will help me, either make peace with my feelings and their futility, or just be able to vent and say what I cannot say without consequences to the person I wish I could tell. I've been head-over-heels for one person for years, but she's always been out of reach...she's gone from one love to one love, in my opinion, mistake after mistake. Almost for complete lack of caring, I dated too. Once, I fell in love, but it was very destructive, not real love. She's always been this beautiful and wonderful person, so far above me I felt it would be a crime to touch her, because i might dirty her. Over the years, I've gotten more comfortable with her. I confide in her, laugh with her, and love just listening to her. Though I've seen her possibly at her worst (which is still incredible to me) and she has seen me in the same, she is still just as magical, even in her humanity, as before. I smile when I hear her name, or anything that reminds me of her. My stomach lifts and twists when I find she's coming, or see her coming around the corner. My hands go numb and my body grows heavy and tense when I look at her. I concentrate on just breathing. Her touch is electric. At times she jokes, and it drives me crazy, making me wonder...And then I think how she knows so many of my faults but seems to find them almost endearing; it often seems like she sees me as only her silly little sister. I don't know what I'm waiting for, or what it is I'm waiting to do. I'm happy to be her friend, because she's one of the best, and it may be all we're meant for, but what if we're meant for more? We'll never know.
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