Fear
So Friday night was pretty good, not too much drama and beer makes me happy. Someone asked Lex and I if we were together. She said yes. I said something like, "we are?" Because we hadn't really discussed it. I was sort of avoiding discussing it because I think it will hurt more when she leaves. But I know that it will hurt the same no matter if we are official or not. I really like her, she is an amazing person. I wish I could spend all my time with her, but we are both so busy all the time. She leaves in a week and a half or 2 weeks. I'll probably cry... I hate crying. So I am scared of letting myself like her as much as I do. If I keep living in fear my life will become empty and that is not what I want. But that doesn't prevent me from being scared. Why do I always have to like people who I am not going to be able to see very often, like right before I left for AmeriCorps, or now with Lex? It sucks. Hopefully I can get enough homework/studying done here at Lambda so I can see her tonight. I have another test of Monday, but I think I have a little break for a while and I can catch up in all my classes. That would be ideal. I am so behind in everything...
I have to go set up tables, I'll write more later.
I have to go set up tables, I'll write more later.