[fic post] All of Her, Every Inch

[oceansex]

Title: All of Her, Every Inch
Rating: NC-17
Genre: Romance/Angst
Pairings or Characters: Neji/Hinata
Warnings: Hyuugacest
Word Count: 1513
Summary: There are parts of Hinata that belong to others. Neji wishes they were his alone.
Author Notes: Fourth (and currently last) fic written for the kinkmeme. This is the last so far, as my other couple are

Comments

[hungrytiger11]

Wow. I found the idea of different parts of her - her smile/eyes/heart as belonging to different people a very nice metaphor that highlighted the strain being Hyuuga seems to be. Hot, angsty and yet sweet.

[oceansex]

thank you very much! 8D

[redbrunja]

Oh, Neji.

I really like this. I enjoyed how you had word beneath words and the fact that you started writing this relationship in media res.

However, I like the very last line should be cut - it weakens Neji's angst and the main thrust of the story. Just Neji wanted her -- all of her, every inch -- to belong to him. is a stronger ending.

[oceansex]

thank you! the "words behind the words" was actually an afterthought, and then I ended up throwing it in three more times 'cause I thought it worked, lol.

and I do agree with you about the last line. I'm an awful angst/dark writer, because I just can't leave things with a definite "sad" ending. but this was also a case of tempo. I felt like I needed a second line after "belong to him" because when I stop after that sentence, my ear needs something else there. but I'm gonna remove it anyway, 'cause it's much better without it. XD thank you for your feedback! C:

[redbrunja]

Glad I could help.

[nakedhearts]

How can I only just have found this?! It was just brilliant. So angsty and hot. Mmm!

You're one of my favourite writers, lovely, you really are. ♥

[oceansex]

thank you so much! you make me blush~ *o* <3