[fic post] Blame

[oceansex]

Title: Blame
Rating: G
Genre: Angst/Downer
Pairings or Characters: Tamaki/Haruhi, Host Club
Warnings: not a happy fic.
Word Count: 933
Summary: The funny thing is, she doesn't so much mind the dreams, because at least she gets a chance to say it to him instead of just an empty room.
Author Notes: Wrote this up in the last half hour. I'm not having

Comments

[treeflamingo]

Wow. That... yeah, that was a downer. Allow me to congratulate you on a piece of unabashed angst that gracefully avoids being adolescent and whiny. What I appreciate about using a dream sequence to tell this story is that it allows for unreliability on the part of the narrator; you have no idea if all this blame and guilt, all these fingers being aimed at Haruhi are real, or just facets of her own unhappiness.

Also, congratulations on effectively using present tense. It is exceptionally well executed here, and adds to the angst in a wonderfully subtle manner.

I always look for concrit to give people, and I have two points for you. Point 1: you may want to try looking for smoother ways to transition between some of the scenes in the dream; some of the transitions are kind of... short. The transition between "Twins" and "Carriage" is excellent (excellent), but between "HunnyMori" and "Twins" is abrupt. Therein lies the difficulty of dream sequences, I think - dreams are such wishy washy, subjective things. It's hard to make them make sense and still be dreamy.

My other piece of concrit is actually not concrit it all - it's poking: I want to see more of this. I want to know what happened to Tamaki, and I want to know if they all blame her the way she blames herself, and if it really is hopeless, and what Haruhi plans to do about it. Because Haruhi might cry in her dreams, but she will not wallow awake. I want to read this.

Finally, feel happy revey-chan! You are only allowed to feel pointlessly depressed for one day at a time. After that, you must demand snuggles and chocolate ice cream until feel better. It is your obligation and your right. *hugs*

[oceansex]

thank you for your comment! as always, reading what you've written for me has brought a big smile to my face! I'm happy to announce that I'm feeling far less depressed than I did when I wrote this. XD

as for your concrit: I know what you mean, and looking back over it, I certainly could have used a little more description with some of the switching between scenes. but at the same time, I modeled this after dreams I've had, and some transitions are jerky and sudden and hardly noticeable, while others are smoother and more detailed. but I suppose in a piece of writing, the more description the better, regardless of the tendency of dreams lol.

if I were to write a sequel to this, I'd either have to be depressed again or make it slightly happier in tone, and so I'm debating with myself if it's worth it or even possible without lessening the impact of this one. also, I have hardly any idea what's happened to the Host Club, aside from Haruhi, in this scenario, and I kind of like that ambiguity. but at the same time, I, too, want to know what the hell happened. XD I guess I'll just have to figure it out and see if I can get a good fic out of it lol.

again, thank you for the wonderful review and well wishes. <3