(no subject)
I'm going to start going thru the DSS archives to find inspiration for some meaningful posts. Anyone know if they plan on continuing that anytime soon?
I have a lot of fragmented childhood memories. I remember crawling with my hands in my mom's birkenstocks because I liked how they felt on my hands. I did NOT like how the floor felt on my knees though. This was probably in first or second grade I guess. Its when we lived in the yellow house on Alameda. I remember in kindergarten having a button up shirt that was all flowery. It was in dark reds and browns, the fabric i'd die for to have a skirt in now, but it was an ugly shirt and I hated it. One day I walked into class and a boy said "I knew you'd wear that today". I can't see much that these earlier memories have left on me, though. Its the later ones that I believe may have had an effect.
In second grade there was a game we used to play. We folded up paper to fit over our first and middle fingers of both hands and would... well, I don't know how to explain it. But one of the conclusions you ended up with on mine was having a crush on matt stockwell, and I did. I said that to someone, who told him, and he walked over and told me to never say that again. He was kind of laughing as he said it, I think he did it to impress his friends more than anything else. Ever since then, though, I've had huge issues telling people how I felt. It didn't help that in my family there were certain things you just didn't talk about. I'd tell my grandma and the rest of my family that I loved them, but sitting them down and telling them all the great things they do and how fantastic they are and how happy I am to have them in my life? They would've thought I was crazy. Compared to them I was a freak, though. I can see some simularities, mostly in looks, but really I've never been anything like my mom's family. There was always something missing, and now I know it was the connection to my dad that I had as a baby and toddler, and just not being able to relate to anyone around me, except my brother a little. So that has affected my ability to talk to people a lot.
Also in sixth or seventh grade as I walked into band class, my friend Matt (different matt) said something about B.O. Ever since then i've been obsessive about not smelling and taking showers. In seventh grade I was sitting by a friend at a table and her leg brushed mine and she said wow are your legs hairy enough? Ever since then i've had problems with having body hair.
I think I was called bubble butt in 3rd or 4th grade. I started diets then.
So the things that have happened to me have affected me a lot. The thing is that I don't have body issues for being mocked mercilessly, its these little things that just happened once.
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If I could be male for a day, well, I don't know if I would. I have absolutely no curiousity about what its like to be the opposite sex anymore. I'm proud to be a woman and wouldn't change that for anything. If I didn't have a choice and was just changed, I'd probably just go hang out around town and see how people react to me differently. Will someone be more curteous, or ruder, just because i'm male? Will people still try to cut in front of me in lines if i'm a big bad man instead of a short fat woman? Will I still have to constantly use rude words and forcefullness to get my point across or will people just listen?
It'd be interesting.
I have a lot of fragmented childhood memories. I remember crawling with my hands in my mom's birkenstocks because I liked how they felt on my hands. I did NOT like how the floor felt on my knees though. This was probably in first or second grade I guess. Its when we lived in the yellow house on Alameda. I remember in kindergarten having a button up shirt that was all flowery. It was in dark reds and browns, the fabric i'd die for to have a skirt in now, but it was an ugly shirt and I hated it. One day I walked into class and a boy said "I knew you'd wear that today". I can't see much that these earlier memories have left on me, though. Its the later ones that I believe may have had an effect.
In second grade there was a game we used to play. We folded up paper to fit over our first and middle fingers of both hands and would... well, I don't know how to explain it. But one of the conclusions you ended up with on mine was having a crush on matt stockwell, and I did. I said that to someone, who told him, and he walked over and told me to never say that again. He was kind of laughing as he said it, I think he did it to impress his friends more than anything else. Ever since then, though, I've had huge issues telling people how I felt. It didn't help that in my family there were certain things you just didn't talk about. I'd tell my grandma and the rest of my family that I loved them, but sitting them down and telling them all the great things they do and how fantastic they are and how happy I am to have them in my life? They would've thought I was crazy. Compared to them I was a freak, though. I can see some simularities, mostly in looks, but really I've never been anything like my mom's family. There was always something missing, and now I know it was the connection to my dad that I had as a baby and toddler, and just not being able to relate to anyone around me, except my brother a little. So that has affected my ability to talk to people a lot.
Also in sixth or seventh grade as I walked into band class, my friend Matt (different matt) said something about B.O. Ever since then i've been obsessive about not smelling and taking showers. In seventh grade I was sitting by a friend at a table and her leg brushed mine and she said wow are your legs hairy enough? Ever since then i've had problems with having body hair.
I think I was called bubble butt in 3rd or 4th grade. I started diets then.
So the things that have happened to me have affected me a lot. The thing is that I don't have body issues for being mocked mercilessly, its these little things that just happened once.
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If I could be male for a day, well, I don't know if I would. I have absolutely no curiousity about what its like to be the opposite sex anymore. I'm proud to be a woman and wouldn't change that for anything. If I didn't have a choice and was just changed, I'd probably just go hang out around town and see how people react to me differently. Will someone be more curteous, or ruder, just because i'm male? Will people still try to cut in front of me in lines if i'm a big bad man instead of a short fat woman? Will I still have to constantly use rude words and forcefullness to get my point across or will people just listen?
It'd be interesting.