Struggling with grief
For me, for many on my friends list today is a day of pain ache and struggle.
I find it hard to talk about - because it really isn't about me, or the affect it's had on me, or any of us. I don't want to take any moment away from popfiend. What I'm struggling with in all of this pales in comparison. There aren't words for how deeply he's hurting - and I don't want to make this about my pain.
But it is there - my hurt, your hurt. popfiend has touched each of our lives in a very deep and special way, and whether or not we knew Lisa, his love for her, his devotion, it touched us all. And we hurt for him, and we hurt with him. And we're all struggling with it in our own way. Struggling to touch him as he has touched us, struggling to try to find our own way to deal with the shock and the grief. Words are so frightfully inadequate.
And your struggle, your pain, your need deal with it is different than mine, and mine is different from hers and hers is different from yours.
I'm only 47 years old, and yet lately, I seem to be surrounded by death. Old ones and new. Barely known forum members mourning the loss of parents and uncles, I lost my second brother this year, the first I lost 9 years ago - last month was his birthday, May will be the anniversary of his death, Eric died in 2004, he too would have just celebrated a birthday, james_b lost his best friend - the beloved husband of another dear friend 5 years ago next month - I was as powerless to help him in 2007 as I am to help my friend today. popfiend who loved and cared and help me deal with my beloved grieving 10,000 miles away. Today I can't find the words to say to him - each one feels heavy and clumsy and ... wrong. I am hurting for my friend, I am hurting for myself, I am hurting for all of them, and all of you.
I feel them all, their spirits, their memories, surrounding me right now, the loved ones, the ones I barely knew, the ones I never knew. Not in a malevolent way - for non of them were malevolent. I just feel them - and I feel the losses. I feel tiny and fragile not so much frightened as deeply aware of all of our fragility. I shiver and hold my beloved a little closer.
For popfiend, for me, for all of us left behind, life will go on, it'll never be the same again - but then it never is - but it will go on. Until it doesn't, and non of us ever will know when that will be.
Blessings my friends.
I find it hard to talk about - because it really isn't about me, or the affect it's had on me, or any of us. I don't want to take any moment away from popfiend. What I'm struggling with in all of this pales in comparison. There aren't words for how deeply he's hurting - and I don't want to make this about my pain.
But it is there - my hurt, your hurt. popfiend has touched each of our lives in a very deep and special way, and whether or not we knew Lisa, his love for her, his devotion, it touched us all. And we hurt for him, and we hurt with him. And we're all struggling with it in our own way. Struggling to touch him as he has touched us, struggling to try to find our own way to deal with the shock and the grief. Words are so frightfully inadequate.
And your struggle, your pain, your need deal with it is different than mine, and mine is different from hers and hers is different from yours.
I'm only 47 years old, and yet lately, I seem to be surrounded by death. Old ones and new. Barely known forum members mourning the loss of parents and uncles, I lost my second brother this year, the first I lost 9 years ago - last month was his birthday, May will be the anniversary of his death, Eric died in 2004, he too would have just celebrated a birthday, james_b lost his best friend - the beloved husband of another dear friend 5 years ago next month - I was as powerless to help him in 2007 as I am to help my friend today. popfiend who loved and cared and help me deal with my beloved grieving 10,000 miles away. Today I can't find the words to say to him - each one feels heavy and clumsy and ... wrong. I am hurting for my friend, I am hurting for myself, I am hurting for all of them, and all of you.
I feel them all, their spirits, their memories, surrounding me right now, the loved ones, the ones I barely knew, the ones I never knew. Not in a malevolent way - for non of them were malevolent. I just feel them - and I feel the losses. I feel tiny and fragile not so much frightened as deeply aware of all of our fragility. I shiver and hold my beloved a little closer.
For popfiend, for me, for all of us left behind, life will go on, it'll never be the same again - but then it never is - but it will go on. Until it doesn't, and non of us ever will know when that will be.
Blessings my friends.