(no subject)
i'm falling asleep.
i am remembering some thoughts that i used to keep in my head. the thoughts are there only to bother me and tell me that i cannot move on just yet. that there is no stopping sometimes. and this moment right here. these letters right now are a "not stop" situation. car bombs throwing creativity like gas ignited in a small tank, or babies getting flushed down the drain. i'm supposed to think "deeper". i know i am alive somewhere in this medication, somewhere beneath all these lies. i know it is all in my head. from the very start i made a joke and said, "it's in my head right?" and he replied that it was in-fact all in my head. maybe i think that i am back and maybe i think that i have lost my touch, but one thing stands for sure, and that is the proof that i have not lost my mind. though some thoughts prove to be more violent and time consuming than others, they still have their little delights in my life.
at the party i was talking of what i thought i wanted to let people know. i talked about recycling and i talked about digital. about everything i thought i should voice myself about in this crowd i hardly cared to know. on and on i went, half awake like right now and falling through different states.
i think twenty different masks for one night should do. wear myself to the brink of being too thin. the dancing slows and the people started to leave. balloons start their decent as the room gets cooler. i watch on that says "party" float away from me and toward the door. i wait till the janitor has come out and start to talk with him. the night is a great place to try to be, but most of the people i know get caught up in needing to sleep when their thoughts could be at full bloom.
wander the exploration of your minds, fall through a few months of living just to see how you never experienced life before.
i'm told to let people alone about what they should think. to stop manipulating to stop imparting. to stop my brain storming and to stay and rot inside myself. it's times like that when i watch pornography and wonder what i am looking at. not even the sight of a woman's body can bring me to pleasure at times like that. i think then think and think then think. i'm cruel then cruel and cruel then cruel. i frustrate myself inside my being until nothing can come out except scrutiny i'm not sure i believe in, myself.
FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i need help
i am remembering some thoughts that i used to keep in my head. the thoughts are there only to bother me and tell me that i cannot move on just yet. that there is no stopping sometimes. and this moment right here. these letters right now are a "not stop" situation. car bombs throwing creativity like gas ignited in a small tank, or babies getting flushed down the drain. i'm supposed to think "deeper". i know i am alive somewhere in this medication, somewhere beneath all these lies. i know it is all in my head. from the very start i made a joke and said, "it's in my head right?" and he replied that it was in-fact all in my head. maybe i think that i am back and maybe i think that i have lost my touch, but one thing stands for sure, and that is the proof that i have not lost my mind. though some thoughts prove to be more violent and time consuming than others, they still have their little delights in my life.
at the party i was talking of what i thought i wanted to let people know. i talked about recycling and i talked about digital. about everything i thought i should voice myself about in this crowd i hardly cared to know. on and on i went, half awake like right now and falling through different states.
i think twenty different masks for one night should do. wear myself to the brink of being too thin. the dancing slows and the people started to leave. balloons start their decent as the room gets cooler. i watch on that says "party" float away from me and toward the door. i wait till the janitor has come out and start to talk with him. the night is a great place to try to be, but most of the people i know get caught up in needing to sleep when their thoughts could be at full bloom.
wander the exploration of your minds, fall through a few months of living just to see how you never experienced life before.
i'm told to let people alone about what they should think. to stop manipulating to stop imparting. to stop my brain storming and to stay and rot inside myself. it's times like that when i watch pornography and wonder what i am looking at. not even the sight of a woman's body can bring me to pleasure at times like that. i think then think and think then think. i'm cruel then cruel and cruel then cruel. i frustrate myself inside my being until nothing can come out except scrutiny i'm not sure i believe in, myself.
FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i need help