(no subject)
I have a paper due in the morning and I haven't done shit yet. Tomorrow is another session, and only one more after that to be completely finished. It's taking forever, and I'm so impatient. Every morning I take birth control and feel like such an idiot. I've been single for over a year now, and presently have no offers. I'm going to die an old maid. In conclusion, everyone likes my sister better. I'm thinking about skipping class tomorrow and just smoking chronic with Tristan. Some kind of distraction would be so nice. Killing myself to get Dean's List every semester, working hard for a raise I'll never receive, and coping with living in this house has really taken it's toll. I miss the sunshine on my face and laughing all day. I just want to love deeply and freely and daily. Daydreaming about being out of debt and being on my own again is intoxicating. I could do it all day without hesitation. I'm getting fat, too. That needs to change. Everyday is a mess of inappropriate frustrations. If only I didn't fuck up as much, or tried harder. Whatever it is, what I'm waiting for, it's not coming. I keep thinking that something will balance out and I'll be okay, but all I see myself is going deeper in reality. give me a break