better or worse?
i went to the hospital wednesday morning, about 2am, b/c my kidneys were going to explode. turns out i have been harvesting a staff infection for about a month and a half and it spread to my kidneys. but man, the fuckin pills they gave me, the size of the palm of my hand! they gave me twice the dose, same prescription as the anthrax victims, cipro. mother fucker.
john called me last nite twice. missed both calls. it makes me want to cry.
but, possibly the greatest moment in the last few days, i realized how i can manipulate jason to get whatever i want. maybe manipulate isnt a good word for it...maybe its WORK OVER or something. but i can get him to do whatever i want and if he truly loves me, he will let me do it. not everything, but enough. we spent our first nite apart in four months. god, and the worst thing? i miss him when hes not around.
enough about THAT crap. school sucks but in a good way. my senior year is really eye-opening to me. i get to work AND go to school. its kinda the best of both worlds, really. imean, in one hand, i have my social life and the regular school year with my peers and learning and all that wonderful rancid pile of festering horse shit. every OTHER day, i work. i work 9-5 in a fucking cubicle. its horrible. but the best thing is that i get to see how horrible working and the real world is. not to say that high school is better, but its like no one understands how lucky they are right now. its a fucking privilage that we CAN go to school and learn.
people piss me off.
so to my dear pisces, i tried to call you back last nite. i want to do something soon with you. and i will be willing to drive down to richmond if you are willing to house me. no jason. just you, me, and some fine kind bud! maybe some vodka too, eh? ...at least talk to me again even if you dont want to see me...i miss you.
i care about my friends more than i show. i need to let them know that i am still here, just not as much as i used to be. not 24/7, but 20/5.
john called me last nite twice. missed both calls. it makes me want to cry.
but, possibly the greatest moment in the last few days, i realized how i can manipulate jason to get whatever i want. maybe manipulate isnt a good word for it...maybe its WORK OVER or something. but i can get him to do whatever i want and if he truly loves me, he will let me do it. not everything, but enough. we spent our first nite apart in four months. god, and the worst thing? i miss him when hes not around.
enough about THAT crap. school sucks but in a good way. my senior year is really eye-opening to me. i get to work AND go to school. its kinda the best of both worlds, really. imean, in one hand, i have my social life and the regular school year with my peers and learning and all that wonderful rancid pile of festering horse shit. every OTHER day, i work. i work 9-5 in a fucking cubicle. its horrible. but the best thing is that i get to see how horrible working and the real world is. not to say that high school is better, but its like no one understands how lucky they are right now. its a fucking privilage that we CAN go to school and learn.
people piss me off.
so to my dear pisces, i tried to call you back last nite. i want to do something soon with you. and i will be willing to drive down to richmond if you are willing to house me. no jason. just you, me, and some fine kind bud! maybe some vodka too, eh? ...at least talk to me again even if you dont want to see me...i miss you.
i care about my friends more than i show. i need to let them know that i am still here, just not as much as i used to be. not 24/7, but 20/5.