Third Wheel on a Gay Baby Date
Still catching up- this took place June 2
I'm really lucky to live near a health center that has a lot of experience working within the queer community, and has programs set up for family planning and such. So when we found out they were offering a seminar on IVF for the LGBT community, we decided to go. IVF isn't our first choice, but it never hurts to gather information. Unfortunately, hubby had to work, so I went alone.
When I got there, the room was empty aside from the social worker who coordinates these programs. She introduced herself, welcomed me, gave me a packet of information, and offered snacks. A minute later a gay couple walked in. They were friendly enough, and settled in across from me at the conference table in the middle of the room. The presenter arrived and began to set up, and I realized he was the same doctor I had heard speak at a conference a year or two ago, which means this is probably information I've already heard, but no harm in that. He and the social worker kept saying they were going to wait a few minutes for more people to arrive, but it was just me and these two guys. I texted my bff to vent about how awkward it was to be at a thing like this solo, and with only one other couple in the room. It felt like I was the third wheel on their baby-making date. So awkward.
Eventually the presenter got started with his powerpoint, and a few minutes into it a lesbian couple came in and sat down. Hey, upgraded to a 5th wheel- is that a spare tire? I'm not sure. But anyway. The presenter went through his section on IVF options for gay male couples, then went through his section on options for lesbian couples. Then he said something along the lines of "This next section is for transgender couples, but we don't have any trans people here tonight, right?" (Ugh, really?? 1, you assume you'd know. 2, I'm about to out my husband, which is awkward.) I spoke up and said "Yes, my husband is trans", and he went on through the section for trans people. Apparently "fertility options for trans people" means "make sure you win the lotto and can afford to freeze your sperm or eggs before any sort of transition begins". Right, totally realistic. And we totally would have done that if: 1. my husband had the $ for it 2. we thought either of us would survive the crazy hormones required to harvest eggs 3. it wasn't too late (he had a hysto years ago). And other than that, it's the same process as either the gay couple or lesbian couple- put the stuff in a Petri dish, then put it into a womb. I guess I don't know what more I would have expected to hear... Fingers crossed for amazing new science to come out while I'm still young enough to birth babies that would allow my hubby's DNA to mix with mine.
Then he got to the Q&A section. The guys had some good questions about cost, and legal rights/protections for everyone involved. The girls had sat right next to me when they came in, and the one sitting closest to me had the curliest hair and she had just like pulled it thru the back of her baseball cap and let it poof. And she looked like she was ready to go play softball when we were done. And I was already uncomfortable, so she irritated me for probably no reason. But when anyone asked questions, she was the type to really lean in, make eye contact, and nod enthusiastically while they asked, like she needed them to really know she supported their asking. She did the same when he answered. I didn't ask anything, but when one of the guys asked something (I forget what) the presenter explained how it worked for each of us, and when he was talking about trans families, this girl was all staring at me, big smile, nodding. I'm sure she was trying to be friendly to the girl there alone, but she just creeped me out.
But the guys were cute, and as awkward as I was.
I texted my husband afterwards and told him that it was the same presentation we had heard before, and that I had been hoping to meet another couple like us, so that if nothing else we had someone to talk to who "gets it", but no luck.
I left with a sheet of information on local resources, and we looked it over, but there was nothing local for trans people/families. Apparently our resources are still all connecting online, and even those were outdated. SO... livejournal it is.
I'm really lucky to live near a health center that has a lot of experience working within the queer community, and has programs set up for family planning and such. So when we found out they were offering a seminar on IVF for the LGBT community, we decided to go. IVF isn't our first choice, but it never hurts to gather information. Unfortunately, hubby had to work, so I went alone.
When I got there, the room was empty aside from the social worker who coordinates these programs. She introduced herself, welcomed me, gave me a packet of information, and offered snacks. A minute later a gay couple walked in. They were friendly enough, and settled in across from me at the conference table in the middle of the room. The presenter arrived and began to set up, and I realized he was the same doctor I had heard speak at a conference a year or two ago, which means this is probably information I've already heard, but no harm in that. He and the social worker kept saying they were going to wait a few minutes for more people to arrive, but it was just me and these two guys. I texted my bff to vent about how awkward it was to be at a thing like this solo, and with only one other couple in the room. It felt like I was the third wheel on their baby-making date. So awkward.
Eventually the presenter got started with his powerpoint, and a few minutes into it a lesbian couple came in and sat down. Hey, upgraded to a 5th wheel- is that a spare tire? I'm not sure. But anyway. The presenter went through his section on IVF options for gay male couples, then went through his section on options for lesbian couples. Then he said something along the lines of "This next section is for transgender couples, but we don't have any trans people here tonight, right?" (Ugh, really?? 1, you assume you'd know. 2, I'm about to out my husband, which is awkward.) I spoke up and said "Yes, my husband is trans", and he went on through the section for trans people. Apparently "fertility options for trans people" means "make sure you win the lotto and can afford to freeze your sperm or eggs before any sort of transition begins". Right, totally realistic. And we totally would have done that if: 1. my husband had the $ for it 2. we thought either of us would survive the crazy hormones required to harvest eggs 3. it wasn't too late (he had a hysto years ago). And other than that, it's the same process as either the gay couple or lesbian couple- put the stuff in a Petri dish, then put it into a womb. I guess I don't know what more I would have expected to hear... Fingers crossed for amazing new science to come out while I'm still young enough to birth babies that would allow my hubby's DNA to mix with mine.
Then he got to the Q&A section. The guys had some good questions about cost, and legal rights/protections for everyone involved. The girls had sat right next to me when they came in, and the one sitting closest to me had the curliest hair and she had just like pulled it thru the back of her baseball cap and let it poof. And she looked like she was ready to go play softball when we were done. And I was already uncomfortable, so she irritated me for probably no reason. But when anyone asked questions, she was the type to really lean in, make eye contact, and nod enthusiastically while they asked, like she needed them to really know she supported their asking. She did the same when he answered. I didn't ask anything, but when one of the guys asked something (I forget what) the presenter explained how it worked for each of us, and when he was talking about trans families, this girl was all staring at me, big smile, nodding. I'm sure she was trying to be friendly to the girl there alone, but she just creeped me out.
But the guys were cute, and as awkward as I was.
I texted my husband afterwards and told him that it was the same presentation we had heard before, and that I had been hoping to meet another couple like us, so that if nothing else we had someone to talk to who "gets it", but no luck.
I left with a sheet of information on local resources, and we looked it over, but there was nothing local for trans people/families. Apparently our resources are still all connecting online, and even those were outdated. SO... livejournal it is.