THE big 3-0
So here it comes... friday is the big day. I am going back to Carolina to spend the day with my Mom and Gran. Came up this past weekend for a joint birthday celebration for my aunt and I. It was a good time, not nearly as traumatic as I expected. Actually had a real talk with my girl cousin, and engaged in a genuine way with her kids. I'm excited to spend the whole day in Asheville with my momma.
Last 2 weeks have been trying, I feel very beaten up over it all. I feel a profound sense of loss, coming from people I have loved deeply, or from myself because of shifts in their lives that I cannot make peace with. I was feeling satisfied with the new connections I was making here in Atlanta, but they've felt absent or not enough lately. I am not getting along so well with M, I am worried on multiple levels. I'm not sure how much I am contributing to the problem. I know I need to be independent. I need to be fully responsible for myself. I'm not sure how my latest philosophy on love speaks to this. I don't know how to get what I need and not over-burden my partner. I'm sure I'll bounce back. I just hear Kris in my head asking is this how you want to bring in the next decade? The context was different then, but it makes me want to run far.
Oh well, I'm ready for a few days of open windows and cicadas chipping their rhythm, nights so day you can't see your hand in front of your face, walking into the pasture to visit with the rude horses, and being in the country.
Last 2 weeks have been trying, I feel very beaten up over it all. I feel a profound sense of loss, coming from people I have loved deeply, or from myself because of shifts in their lives that I cannot make peace with. I was feeling satisfied with the new connections I was making here in Atlanta, but they've felt absent or not enough lately. I am not getting along so well with M, I am worried on multiple levels. I'm not sure how much I am contributing to the problem. I know I need to be independent. I need to be fully responsible for myself. I'm not sure how my latest philosophy on love speaks to this. I don't know how to get what I need and not over-burden my partner. I'm sure I'll bounce back. I just hear Kris in my head asking is this how you want to bring in the next decade? The context was different then, but it makes me want to run far.
Oh well, I'm ready for a few days of open windows and cicadas chipping their rhythm, nights so day you can't see your hand in front of your face, walking into the pasture to visit with the rude horses, and being in the country.