the universe begins to make sense...finally
Well... I have reacquainted myself with an old belief.
When I was a kid, I believed that things did happen for a reason (this was heavily tied into my catholic upbringing) and eventually things stopped making sense to me and it seemed like in the end, things always went down the crapper. Well, one good thing to come of this (my life was/is by no means crappy, just have alot of bad luck, often) was that I learned how to take let downs and disappointments in stride. Infact, I have realized in the last year or two that I deal with disappointment MUCH better than getting what I actually wanted. I hate to say I expect to fail, I'd say more like I'm just prepared for any negative outcome I can think of and I'm not often surprised.
Well, today some things actually seem to be making sense, and I guess with the way my life outlook has evolved since christmas I can actually appreciate it. I don't know if I'd say *everything* happens for a reason, BUT I can easily look over several events that have occured in my life since approximately last august and realize if one single event back then had gone the other way... my life would be extremely different right now. And while there are a few aspects of my life that I'm not thrilled about, I'm extremely happy with where I am and what I am now, as opposed to what could have been.
For clarity: I almost got a job at Honda in Alliston. It would have involved moving to newmarket and working full time for who knows how long. I never would have done the internship at the recording studio, I wouldn't have formed a band and I wouldn't have met some of the really awesome friends I now have. I would have continued to waste money, take for granted what I had and not grow as a person. I am broke, jobless, single, but happy. And I will be happier when any or all of those things change, but it's not necessary. I've learned to be happy with very little, to appreciate what really matters. I know I sound incredibly lame right now (if you don't think so, I do) but it's true. When I go back to school this fall I'm going to be focused, motivated and driven. In the meantime I job hunt and I work on my music, the single most important thing to me right now.
I realize that some people go through this before they ever reach the age of 20 (or pass it in my case) but it was overdue and necessary. I can't believe how much my life and my self have changed in the last 6 months. And for the people yet to go through it... your time will come, and I'll be waiting for you with a smile and a handshake on the other side.
It seems that while yes we do have a certain amount of control over our lives, and the power to take ourselves in a certain direction, there will always be things that knock you off course or maybe that show you you're not going the direction you really should or that you really want to. I have direction. There are detours, speedbumps, potholes and road signs that I can't read for whatever reason, but as long as you keep going forward, you'll get where you're going eventually. Man I hate sounding so lame but it's true.
And these lyrics have been resonating that sentiment to me.
"remove my hands and feet, watch me crawl on my stubs
throw me to the streets, watch me fall down head first
it's not that simple, I've needed this from the start
to guide my way, you'll be ok
it's made life simple, I've needed this from the start"
Dredg - Not that simple
When I was a kid, I believed that things did happen for a reason (this was heavily tied into my catholic upbringing) and eventually things stopped making sense to me and it seemed like in the end, things always went down the crapper. Well, one good thing to come of this (my life was/is by no means crappy, just have alot of bad luck, often) was that I learned how to take let downs and disappointments in stride. Infact, I have realized in the last year or two that I deal with disappointment MUCH better than getting what I actually wanted. I hate to say I expect to fail, I'd say more like I'm just prepared for any negative outcome I can think of and I'm not often surprised.
Well, today some things actually seem to be making sense, and I guess with the way my life outlook has evolved since christmas I can actually appreciate it. I don't know if I'd say *everything* happens for a reason, BUT I can easily look over several events that have occured in my life since approximately last august and realize if one single event back then had gone the other way... my life would be extremely different right now. And while there are a few aspects of my life that I'm not thrilled about, I'm extremely happy with where I am and what I am now, as opposed to what could have been.
For clarity: I almost got a job at Honda in Alliston. It would have involved moving to newmarket and working full time for who knows how long. I never would have done the internship at the recording studio, I wouldn't have formed a band and I wouldn't have met some of the really awesome friends I now have. I would have continued to waste money, take for granted what I had and not grow as a person. I am broke, jobless, single, but happy. And I will be happier when any or all of those things change, but it's not necessary. I've learned to be happy with very little, to appreciate what really matters. I know I sound incredibly lame right now (if you don't think so, I do) but it's true. When I go back to school this fall I'm going to be focused, motivated and driven. In the meantime I job hunt and I work on my music, the single most important thing to me right now.
I realize that some people go through this before they ever reach the age of 20 (or pass it in my case) but it was overdue and necessary. I can't believe how much my life and my self have changed in the last 6 months. And for the people yet to go through it... your time will come, and I'll be waiting for you with a smile and a handshake on the other side.
It seems that while yes we do have a certain amount of control over our lives, and the power to take ourselves in a certain direction, there will always be things that knock you off course or maybe that show you you're not going the direction you really should or that you really want to. I have direction. There are detours, speedbumps, potholes and road signs that I can't read for whatever reason, but as long as you keep going forward, you'll get where you're going eventually. Man I hate sounding so lame but it's true.
And these lyrics have been resonating that sentiment to me.
"remove my hands and feet, watch me crawl on my stubs
throw me to the streets, watch me fall down head first
it's not that simple, I've needed this from the start
to guide my way, you'll be ok
it's made life simple, I've needed this from the start"
Dredg - Not that simple