wow
I never thought it would be like this. I knew moving down here would change my life but I never could have imagined this. One of my best friends is someone I always swore I would hate. Someone I thought would always be there for me screwed me over and hurt me for no reason. My best friend isn't the same person I thought he was. Someone I thought would always just be someone elses friend became mine and has been the only one able to cheer me up on several occassions when things go bad. One of my best friends is from Pennsylvania.. We are the same person. Some people who I spent so many nights with that I thought I could never live without have slowly become just a memory. I doubted I would stay as close to my friends as I have. I never thought my dad would come to visit before my mom. I never thought I would have a kitten 3 months after I got down here. I never thought taking care of myself 100% would be so easy to adjust to. Everything has been pretty easy to adjust to. Except the love of my life. We were doing so good about it when I first got here. How are we fighting? How am I saying I'm on the verge of being done for good.. Put him out of my life. When did everyone become so against me and him.. And when did I start listening? When I think about not having him.. My body feels empty. My heart is instantly sad and my stomach churns.. Everything I've wanted to hear from him for so long came out on Thursday. So I should be happy. But instead I'm worried about people being mad at me.. And hearing one stupid thing about Jordan and brittney made me feel like shit. I envy people who just have things work. I swear in my life it can NEVER just go right and be easy. Don't get me wrong.. I love my life down here.. I've met some amazing people. I always have something to do.. I wish sometimes I could just sit at home bored but that rarely happens.. I love where I am. Our apartment is pretty cute. Its all okay. Except the one thing that means the most to me.. I'm at a place where I need to make the hardest decision of my life so far. Do I wait until he's ready? Or do I let it go and do what I feel I deserve even if its not the same as what I want or what will make me happy? Why does this have to be so hard?? I have a lot of thinking befor my trip to lane rd tonight...