oooooh canada.
i'm really excited about this canoe trip, but i'm not going to mention it again in this entry.
i don't know, tonight was just really good. and i feel like i should mention it. lately, it's been the negative things i've wanted to mention. and then when something good happens, it's just "oh, this is good! it's good again!" and yeah, this is good, but it feels different.
courtney is gone. laura is leaving. i'm doing something else for the next week other than my normal life. and maybe this is temporary. just for a week or two or three. but tonight was just a good that only seems to come on last nights of things.
like last year, when i left for ten days to maryland, and there was that pool party at jagan's and we were dancing in his basement and erica was dancing a lot and it was just really fun. and i visited brandy at her window because her parents wouldn't let her go. it was just a good night. and then tonight, running into the water with all of our clothes on, the most random group of people you could ever picture doing it together, that was just a "what the hell!?" type moment that can only make you smile because it's so unexpectedly awesome. and then the spooning! i'm not going to lie. i was really, really, really happy in my spooning position.
for a couple days, i felt really stupid and vulnerable and rediculous for being so open at lindsay's. (i'm not hiding names here. i figure you know anyway. and i'm going to be gone for ten days, so you probably will forget this entry when i come back.) i just felt really stupid for all of it--for crying like that, but that's only because i became sober again and i didn't feel the way i did when i did it. does that make sense? it probably doesn't. i still felt stupid though. but now i don't so much. now i'm glad i did it even, and i think i was all along. and i like being open now because it's just the way it is right now. nothing else added. ifyouknowwhatimean.
but what i wanted to say, even though it's sad, is that everyone sooner or later will have their final last night here. well, for the most part. mine will be the 23rd of august. you will probably have a different one. but either way, with what we've been feeling and what we keep realizing, i don't know. it's like garden state at the end with the ellipsis . . . none of this is an end to anything. if anything, it will make us realize so much more.
tonight was really good. i love my friends--they are my family. lake michigan. life. i remember when i felt this way all the time. i'm not sad anymore than i don't. i'm happy that i did, and i'm so glad i feel the way i do right now.
alright. that's it for now.
i don't know, tonight was just really good. and i feel like i should mention it. lately, it's been the negative things i've wanted to mention. and then when something good happens, it's just "oh, this is good! it's good again!" and yeah, this is good, but it feels different.
courtney is gone. laura is leaving. i'm doing something else for the next week other than my normal life. and maybe this is temporary. just for a week or two or three. but tonight was just a good that only seems to come on last nights of things.
like last year, when i left for ten days to maryland, and there was that pool party at jagan's and we were dancing in his basement and erica was dancing a lot and it was just really fun. and i visited brandy at her window because her parents wouldn't let her go. it was just a good night. and then tonight, running into the water with all of our clothes on, the most random group of people you could ever picture doing it together, that was just a "what the hell!?" type moment that can only make you smile because it's so unexpectedly awesome. and then the spooning! i'm not going to lie. i was really, really, really happy in my spooning position.
for a couple days, i felt really stupid and vulnerable and rediculous for being so open at lindsay's. (i'm not hiding names here. i figure you know anyway. and i'm going to be gone for ten days, so you probably will forget this entry when i come back.) i just felt really stupid for all of it--for crying like that, but that's only because i became sober again and i didn't feel the way i did when i did it. does that make sense? it probably doesn't. i still felt stupid though. but now i don't so much. now i'm glad i did it even, and i think i was all along. and i like being open now because it's just the way it is right now. nothing else added. ifyouknowwhatimean.
but what i wanted to say, even though it's sad, is that everyone sooner or later will have their final last night here. well, for the most part. mine will be the 23rd of august. you will probably have a different one. but either way, with what we've been feeling and what we keep realizing, i don't know. it's like garden state at the end with the ellipsis . . . none of this is an end to anything. if anything, it will make us realize so much more.
tonight was really good. i love my friends--they are my family. lake michigan. life. i remember when i felt this way all the time. i'm not sad anymore than i don't. i'm happy that i did, and i'm so glad i feel the way i do right now.
alright. that's it for now.