departure and worry...and worry...and worry...
athlete.liberal.musician.conservative.artist.exhausted.runner.performer.unique.conformist.individual.environmentalist.energetic.idealist.thinker.writer.painter.singer.friend.daughter.son.brother.cynic.sister.employee.intellectual.afraid.adult.kid.reader.senior.pessimist.freshman.friend.happy.sad.confused.alive.disappointed.liar.vegetarian.voter.drinker.smoker.patient.friend.
etc...
i dont know. i'm somewhere in there. so are you. maybe more than one. maybe five. maybe ten. it doesn't really matter. it's not really about labelling at all. but at some point, i stopped caring which one you are, because to me, i am the same. but i'm not. i'm not the same at all. but you don't see me either. it's like we're all in there, but we don't even see each other. we don't even really understand/respect that aspect of everyone else. or we did, but we forgot. or we just stopped listening all together. it's like we're so damn consumed with who we want to be, we forget who everyone else actually is. and i'm guilty of it.
i'm just fucking tired. of everything. of crying? of crying over something i can't even put my finger on.
i don't have problems. by that, i mean that nothing truly tramatic has happened to me in my life. i'm fortunate. my parents just celebrated their 20th anniversary. my life is good. but that doesn't change the fact that i want something that i can just crawl underneath by myself and then come back from, rise above it, have a story to tell. maybe it's just i want a fucking story to tell. maybe i want to see what it would do. and i know that's probably normal actually. people like to have things they can point to and say "this is why..." or something like that.
don't tell me that you feel the same/think the same/go through the same things. i know that's true even right now. i've realized throughout my teen years that we basically feel the same at one time or another. that we deal with the same things over and over again. these feelings aren't new. i've just repressed them. i've held them in. even when i'm drunkenly open, i've held them in. because who is actually listening anymore. i know you are. but nothing feels like it used to.
i'll be okay. i'll recover from nothing. i'll move on. i just wonder how far until the distance hurts too much.
i guess the only thing i'm really saying is that i'm at that point of letting go and holding on to so many things. i just want to feel that all of it is worth it again.
etc...
i dont know. i'm somewhere in there. so are you. maybe more than one. maybe five. maybe ten. it doesn't really matter. it's not really about labelling at all. but at some point, i stopped caring which one you are, because to me, i am the same. but i'm not. i'm not the same at all. but you don't see me either. it's like we're all in there, but we don't even see each other. we don't even really understand/respect that aspect of everyone else. or we did, but we forgot. or we just stopped listening all together. it's like we're so damn consumed with who we want to be, we forget who everyone else actually is. and i'm guilty of it.
i'm just fucking tired. of everything. of crying? of crying over something i can't even put my finger on.
i don't have problems. by that, i mean that nothing truly tramatic has happened to me in my life. i'm fortunate. my parents just celebrated their 20th anniversary. my life is good. but that doesn't change the fact that i want something that i can just crawl underneath by myself and then come back from, rise above it, have a story to tell. maybe it's just i want a fucking story to tell. maybe i want to see what it would do. and i know that's probably normal actually. people like to have things they can point to and say "this is why..." or something like that.
don't tell me that you feel the same/think the same/go through the same things. i know that's true even right now. i've realized throughout my teen years that we basically feel the same at one time or another. that we deal with the same things over and over again. these feelings aren't new. i've just repressed them. i've held them in. even when i'm drunkenly open, i've held them in. because who is actually listening anymore. i know you are. but nothing feels like it used to.
i'll be okay. i'll recover from nothing. i'll move on. i just wonder how far until the distance hurts too much.
i guess the only thing i'm really saying is that i'm at that point of letting go and holding on to so many things. i just want to feel that all of it is worth it again.