Can't be a hero ...
When I woke up in the jungle and then made my way to the beach I wanted to pretend like it was a dream. One of those dreams you have when you’re feeling particularly bad about yourself and so you dream that you are a hero. I didn’t really have time to think about the dream or the nightmare all I could see were people who needed help. It’s still a blur; that first few minutes before the wing fell. A man was stuck, a pregnant woman needed help, another woman was being given CPR - the wrong way, the wing was about to fall on top of two people. Then it fell and the explosion knocked us all to the ground; it wasn’t until later that the whole situation started to sink in.
It didn’t even occur to me to check on myself at first, maybe it should have because tearing around the beach had torn open the gash on my back. When Kate walked through the space of beach where I was crouched I realized I could help all those people but myself? That was another question; and I didn’t particularly mind her help. Plus I was right about here, she still wasn’t running.
We crashed on a tropical Island in the middle of nowhere. Even before we found the pilot and he told Kate, Charlie and I that we’d been off course; I had no illusions about being rescued. Call me cynical but we were in a plane crash, it would only make sense for it to get worse and us never be rescued. Things like that just don’t happen in the real world, this was not some movie; though if I saw a volleyball anywhere I’d probably throw it as deep into the jungle as I could go.
Sometimes I think my life has always been a big show. I talked about rescue with everyone else because it seemed like the thing to do. I was singular in my drive to get to the cockpit because who else would do it? Maybe that’s just the way I am, the molded steel my father made me into, doing things because they had to be done- no mater what.
I don’t even want to think about the ‘creature’ that had no form that killed the pilot and made it’s presence known as we all settled down for the night in an attempt to get a moments peace in the face of disaster. I don’t think I’ve gotten a moments peace since the crash. It doesn’t escape my attention that a moment’s peace would probably be few and far between on this damn island anyway but it doesn’t stop me from wanting that moment.
I don’t know why I tried to stop Kate from going on the hike with the transceiver. Maybe because she helped me, or maybe because we’d seen what that ‘thing’ did to the pilot. I could spend my time analyzing it further but my energy is needed elsewhere.
My main concern right now is the Marshall; I’m not inclined to think about why exactly he was warning me about Kate. It’s doubtful I’m going to get anything all that coherent out of him and she’s gone for the moment. So far she hasn’t presented a danger to anyone so I’m not worried; however curiosity is something I’ve always been plagued with. The way I see it, we all have a fresh start on this island and she hasn’t presented any kind of danger to anyone; call it the benefit of the doubt.
If I’m concerned about anyone it’s that guy Sawyer; in fact if I really think about it we all need to be careful. There are over 40 people stranded on this island and we know nothing about each other besides the fact that we were all on that plane. 40 people under grievance circumstances all waiting for a rescue that isn’t going to come? That just spells disaster.
"Whatever you say doc, you're the hero."
It's funny because of that dream. We often have dreams to root out our desires or just to process our days events and when I walked out of the jungle I wanted to pretend that is was one of those dreams where I could be the hero. To make up for all the things I'd failed at in my life. Only it wasn't a dream and beyond the first few seconds of seeing the beach scattered with wreckage I wasn't pretending it was one.
Cause maybe in my dreams I want to be a hero, but in real life? I can't be a hero. I'm just a man and I don't know what to do any better than anyone else.
It didn’t even occur to me to check on myself at first, maybe it should have because tearing around the beach had torn open the gash on my back. When Kate walked through the space of beach where I was crouched I realized I could help all those people but myself? That was another question; and I didn’t particularly mind her help. Plus I was right about here, she still wasn’t running.
We crashed on a tropical Island in the middle of nowhere. Even before we found the pilot and he told Kate, Charlie and I that we’d been off course; I had no illusions about being rescued. Call me cynical but we were in a plane crash, it would only make sense for it to get worse and us never be rescued. Things like that just don’t happen in the real world, this was not some movie; though if I saw a volleyball anywhere I’d probably throw it as deep into the jungle as I could go.
Sometimes I think my life has always been a big show. I talked about rescue with everyone else because it seemed like the thing to do. I was singular in my drive to get to the cockpit because who else would do it? Maybe that’s just the way I am, the molded steel my father made me into, doing things because they had to be done- no mater what.
I don’t even want to think about the ‘creature’ that had no form that killed the pilot and made it’s presence known as we all settled down for the night in an attempt to get a moments peace in the face of disaster. I don’t think I’ve gotten a moments peace since the crash. It doesn’t escape my attention that a moment’s peace would probably be few and far between on this damn island anyway but it doesn’t stop me from wanting that moment.
I don’t know why I tried to stop Kate from going on the hike with the transceiver. Maybe because she helped me, or maybe because we’d seen what that ‘thing’ did to the pilot. I could spend my time analyzing it further but my energy is needed elsewhere.
My main concern right now is the Marshall; I’m not inclined to think about why exactly he was warning me about Kate. It’s doubtful I’m going to get anything all that coherent out of him and she’s gone for the moment. So far she hasn’t presented a danger to anyone so I’m not worried; however curiosity is something I’ve always been plagued with. The way I see it, we all have a fresh start on this island and she hasn’t presented any kind of danger to anyone; call it the benefit of the doubt.
If I’m concerned about anyone it’s that guy Sawyer; in fact if I really think about it we all need to be careful. There are over 40 people stranded on this island and we know nothing about each other besides the fact that we were all on that plane. 40 people under grievance circumstances all waiting for a rescue that isn’t going to come? That just spells disaster.
"Whatever you say doc, you're the hero."
It's funny because of that dream. We often have dreams to root out our desires or just to process our days events and when I walked out of the jungle I wanted to pretend that is was one of those dreams where I could be the hero. To make up for all the things I'd failed at in my life. Only it wasn't a dream and beyond the first few seconds of seeing the beach scattered with wreckage I wasn't pretending it was one.
Cause maybe in my dreams I want to be a hero, but in real life? I can't be a hero. I'm just a man and I don't know what to do any better than anyone else.