Reflections on Parenting
Things have been hard here. There's a lot going on - Mireille is getting more and more alert and curious, and wanting to be with me, and only me, a bit more. Lucien is learning to use the potty, and doing quite well with it. He is also being very THREE. And let's be honest, everyone I talk to agrees that "terrible twos" are a myth. Three is when it gets really hard. In addition to the normal boundary testing, there is something else going on with him. He has developed this fear (for lack of a better word) related to leaves outside. He is afraid of them blowing away (this extends to things like litter and flower petals, but he is mostly fixated on leaves). So every time we go outside, he MUST pick them up. This has been going on for awhile, but it has gotten really bad within the last 3-4 weeks. To the point where we have started to walk places, then had to abandon the trip because he breaks away from us and dashes into the street, hysterical - after a leaf. Most days I can't even get him to go outside. And this is a high energy kid, who used to love to go outside and play in the sandbox or play baseball. Tuesday we tried to have a play date with a friend and we walked down the street to the playground. He made it down there, picking up a few leaves on the way, but when we got there he wouldn't play and wanted to go home. He saw all the leaves there, and was completely and utterly overwhelmed. It's breaking my heart. He clearly can't help it, it hits him in the gut and he just loses it. Our house is filling with leaves he just HAS to bring in. Our car, too. And we have a special box outside to put them in. We have tried to explain that the animals and the earth need the leaves outside, and they like the wind, etc., but that has gotten us nowhere. I let him pick out a few special rocks from Lake Erie, to put in his pocket when he goes out, so that he can hold them if he feels sad or anxious. I think maybe that has helped a little. But he still doesn't want to go out just to play. He did go out Wednesday and pick some flowers. I think maybe having something else to focus on (i.e. picking up flowers rather than leaves) helped.
My mom sent me a website that talked about gifted children having particularly intense fears. It got me thinking. Is Lucien "gifted?" Probably. Does it matter? I mean, what does that label really mean? Are all children gifted in some way? I don't want him to be labeled unless it helps me or school or whatever to understand him or teach him better. The helpful thing I found was about asychronous development. I think this is important for Lucien. Intellectually, he is at a much higher level. Emotionally, he is still a 3 year old. I think we forget sometimes and expect more from him because he is so bright. The conclusion I have reached through all of this is the importance of parenting children as individuals, each with their own set of qualities. I suppose this qualifies as a "duh" moment, but it is one thing to be told that and know it intellectually, it is another thing to really see it in your own child and your own parenting.
So where does this all leave me? With a little more patience, I think. And a little more curiosity. Instead of judging my parenting and feeling guilty, I feel more open to observing and learning. Figuring out how to do a better job. I think sometimes I get hung up on the mistakes I make, and feel like it's too late to correct them (he's only three for goodness sake!). I'm pretty sure I haven't messed him up completely -- yet.
My mom sent me a website that talked about gifted children having particularly intense fears. It got me thinking. Is Lucien "gifted?" Probably. Does it matter? I mean, what does that label really mean? Are all children gifted in some way? I don't want him to be labeled unless it helps me or school or whatever to understand him or teach him better. The helpful thing I found was about asychronous development. I think this is important for Lucien. Intellectually, he is at a much higher level. Emotionally, he is still a 3 year old. I think we forget sometimes and expect more from him because he is so bright. The conclusion I have reached through all of this is the importance of parenting children as individuals, each with their own set of qualities. I suppose this qualifies as a "duh" moment, but it is one thing to be told that and know it intellectually, it is another thing to really see it in your own child and your own parenting.
So where does this all leave me? With a little more patience, I think. And a little more curiosity. Instead of judging my parenting and feeling guilty, I feel more open to observing and learning. Figuring out how to do a better job. I think sometimes I get hung up on the mistakes I make, and feel like it's too late to correct them (he's only three for goodness sake!). I'm pretty sure I haven't messed him up completely -- yet.