Reread
I just reread almost my entire journal from the very beginning. Wowza. I haven't used the term pro-ana for sooooooooooo long. I realize that the term itself is pretty taboo, but I guess I really still am pro-ana. I also found some fun things... like the time I made that motivational list for myself that I am reposting
MOTIVATION COMES IN MANY FORMS (she had pics too)
*Because eating like a normal person would make you normal, average, boring, fat
*Because you have to make a choice
*Because if men don't find you sexy, they won't use you for their own sexual amusement
*Because you are not just a normal girl, and you like it that way
*Because you want people to look twice when you pass by
*Because of feels so good to be empty inside
*Because it makes you happy when you succeed at starving
*Because you want to be frighteningly beautiful, not cute or average.
*Because it makes you feel unique and special
*Because starving is soooo artistic
*Because you want to look in the mirror and be proud of what you see
*Because you want to wear size zero jeans
*Because you want to show off your stomach, not hide it
*Because you want to be at the lowest BMI possible
*Because you want to get on a scale and see two digits, not three
*Because fat is ugly and skinny in beautiful
*Because skinny is close to ethereal and ethereal is close to perfection
*Because nothing tastes are good as thin feels
*Because you want to wear those cute flat shoes you bought with jeans and not look like a hippo
I want to add to it as soon as I get a chance, but not today.
I also reminded myself that I went to the doctors recently and on their scale I was 124.6. Huzzah! Not that I haven't gained it all back since then, but hey. That number is in my head now. And rereading my journal gave me such a boost! Can I believe that at one time I was down to 112? I am jealous of my former self. I had the same struggles that I do now, but I was smaller then. I hope to get back to that. Soon. Jah love.
MOTIVATION COMES IN MANY FORMS (she had pics too)
*Because eating like a normal person would make you normal, average, boring, fat
*Because you have to make a choice
*Because if men don't find you sexy, they won't use you for their own sexual amusement
*Because you are not just a normal girl, and you like it that way
*Because you want people to look twice when you pass by
*Because of feels so good to be empty inside
*Because it makes you happy when you succeed at starving
*Because you want to be frighteningly beautiful, not cute or average.
*Because it makes you feel unique and special
*Because starving is soooo artistic
*Because you want to look in the mirror and be proud of what you see
*Because you want to wear size zero jeans
*Because you want to show off your stomach, not hide it
*Because you want to be at the lowest BMI possible
*Because you want to get on a scale and see two digits, not three
*Because fat is ugly and skinny in beautiful
*Because skinny is close to ethereal and ethereal is close to perfection
*Because nothing tastes are good as thin feels
*Because you want to wear those cute flat shoes you bought with jeans and not look like a hippo
I want to add to it as soon as I get a chance, but not today.
I also reminded myself that I went to the doctors recently and on their scale I was 124.6. Huzzah! Not that I haven't gained it all back since then, but hey. That number is in my head now. And rereading my journal gave me such a boost! Can I believe that at one time I was down to 112? I am jealous of my former self. I had the same struggles that I do now, but I was smaller then. I hope to get back to that. Soon. Jah love.