Why Taking Care of Myself is An Act of Love
Even before my father died in April, I had spent a lot of time thinking about how his total disregard for his health for so many years wasn't merely hurting him--it was a slap in the face to the people who loved him, my mother in particular. That's because we had to share in the burden. I spent 21 years watching him die a slow and rather unpleasant death, and just to add to the sting a bit more, he continued to smoke and drink. While his out-of-pocket medical expenses continued to climb, he added to the family's financial burden by blowing money on booze and cigarettes--which ate up a bunch of money in both their purchase and their added health drain. Meanwhile, my mother had to miss out on birthdays, family gatherings, even the birth of a granddaughter, because he couldn't be left alone for very long. The stress impacted her health as well with weight gain and climbing blood pressure. Nearly every day I still think about how much I miss my father now that he's gone--and I continue to feel hurt that he cared more about his vices than the love of his family.
After watching this cycle, I realized that I couldn't do the same thing to the people I love and who love me. No matter how much I may decide I dislike myself in a moment, my love for others is always greater--and that means that even if I don't care that much about myself I care about my mother and my daughter and my partner and the many many loving people in my life. Taking care of myself is about so much more than loving myself, it's about loving the people around me enough to do all I can to be there for them for as long as I can. And not just alive, but living and engaged.
It's not always easy, but I find it's getting easier. When I'm able to make positive health choices and connect those choices with that feeling of love, it reinforces them. Yesterday I was feeling a bit cruddy with a mild headache, but decided to go out for a walk instead. I ended up walking 5.2 miles at a brisk pace, while pushing baby in a stroller, and I felt great. Physically I felt a lot better, but I also felt pride in my accomplishment and a welling up of love. I've got to hold onto those feelings--because that's what is going to ensure that I continue on a path of self-care. When I'm feeling guilty for taking my 5-10 minutes of prescribed relaxation during the day, I have to remember that those 15-30 minutes a day of selfishness could potentially add years of time spent with the people I love.
And so I don't smoke. And I don't drink. And I'm learning to relax. And I'm cutting back on caffeine. And I'm remembering to drink water. And I'm exercising more. And I'm learning to choose more fruits and veg instead of cookies. And I am so so so far from living my ideals--but I hope that those around me can see that even my trying is an act of love.
Remember that the choices that you make in life leave ripples that impact the wider world. We do not live in isolation, we live in community with family, friends, co-workers, neighbors... even the cashier at the market. Even if you're having a hard time and can't love yourself, maybe you can find it in your heart to love one of them.
After watching this cycle, I realized that I couldn't do the same thing to the people I love and who love me. No matter how much I may decide I dislike myself in a moment, my love for others is always greater--and that means that even if I don't care that much about myself I care about my mother and my daughter and my partner and the many many loving people in my life. Taking care of myself is about so much more than loving myself, it's about loving the people around me enough to do all I can to be there for them for as long as I can. And not just alive, but living and engaged.
It's not always easy, but I find it's getting easier. When I'm able to make positive health choices and connect those choices with that feeling of love, it reinforces them. Yesterday I was feeling a bit cruddy with a mild headache, but decided to go out for a walk instead. I ended up walking 5.2 miles at a brisk pace, while pushing baby in a stroller, and I felt great. Physically I felt a lot better, but I also felt pride in my accomplishment and a welling up of love. I've got to hold onto those feelings--because that's what is going to ensure that I continue on a path of self-care. When I'm feeling guilty for taking my 5-10 minutes of prescribed relaxation during the day, I have to remember that those 15-30 minutes a day of selfishness could potentially add years of time spent with the people I love.
And so I don't smoke. And I don't drink. And I'm learning to relax. And I'm cutting back on caffeine. And I'm remembering to drink water. And I'm exercising more. And I'm learning to choose more fruits and veg instead of cookies. And I am so so so far from living my ideals--but I hope that those around me can see that even my trying is an act of love.
Remember that the choices that you make in life leave ripples that impact the wider world. We do not live in isolation, we live in community with family, friends, co-workers, neighbors... even the cashier at the market. Even if you're having a hard time and can't love yourself, maybe you can find it in your heart to love one of them.