jesus christ, I'm alone again
I am so terrified of this. I never imagined myself getting remotely close to letting you back in and now you're coming here and things are... I don't even know what they are. I don't have enough faith in you to be yours again but I don't know if I can handle the in between, all the others and we are what we are, that's all we need etc.
so difficult, I can't have you be just mine but I can't handle sharing you either. I miss the days when this stupid fucking creature wasn't inside of me, altering my emotions. I used to be closed off. I used to feel nothing. I used to be safe.
now I have no choice but to put all my emotions on the table and feel everything. I don't know if I prefer my life the way it is now, nothing staying the same and constant excitement or if I would be happier if my life was boring and nothing ever happened.
my perspective is changing and I can't stand grey areas.
so difficult, I can't have you be just mine but I can't handle sharing you either. I miss the days when this stupid fucking creature wasn't inside of me, altering my emotions. I used to be closed off. I used to feel nothing. I used to be safe.
now I have no choice but to put all my emotions on the table and feel everything. I don't know if I prefer my life the way it is now, nothing staying the same and constant excitement or if I would be happier if my life was boring and nothing ever happened.
my perspective is changing and I can't stand grey areas.