at war with my own heart
its been awhile but i couldnt write my thoughts down, i realized it had been so long that i would of broken my hand.
im at war with my heart -- i dont know whether to just go with things or some how change them, there is this boy, he is amazingly beautiful in everyway && the feeling i get around him is unexplainable, but then again i dont know if im soo in love with him or the memories of him.i was on the plane going to mexico && i looksed in my old journal and found the first to convos with him ever (( yes im a dork & save convos )) it was soo great like reading them && getting this smile on my face, tingle in my stomach and pounding heart, the feeling i get when im with him, but he just doesnt know it. i feel i shouldnt rush && tell him how i feel bc well one ive done that before with other guys, that was a car crash in half or i get left hanging and when it happened it was like i didnt really care of get hurt by it, maybe a lil peeved but not mad or sad or even upset,it just passed like the leaving blowing in the fall. but im scared, openly, plainly scared to death bout telling this boy how i feel, i guess scared of rejection or even scared of him feeling the same way. mixed signals mostly and me probably thinking && looking too hard into things. but when i didnt talk to him for those 2 or 3 weeks and then im asking me why i didnt talk to him anymore, it was like i got that feeling all over again and wondered why didnt i talk to him!? when i think back to those weeks i cant even remember thinking of him, but now i cant stop thinking of him. it kinda feels like this book i just read, minus the whole neighbor thing, this boy && this girl, the girl liked this boy sinc she had first met him and the boy didnt like her at all then thru the years things kinda flipped, but then the girl realized she should give the boy who had fallen in love with her a chance to see if he really changed. but i mean i changed alot over this one year while he was gone. ive changed and im still changing. i used to think that we would always end up together but now im not so sure. some say he is what i need && vice versa but i honestly dont know any more , my heart is closing . its scared . im scared .
im at war with my heart -- i dont know whether to just go with things or some how change them, there is this boy, he is amazingly beautiful in everyway && the feeling i get around him is unexplainable, but then again i dont know if im soo in love with him or the memories of him.i was on the plane going to mexico && i looksed in my old journal and found the first to convos with him ever (( yes im a dork & save convos )) it was soo great like reading them && getting this smile on my face, tingle in my stomach and pounding heart, the feeling i get when im with him, but he just doesnt know it. i feel i shouldnt rush && tell him how i feel bc well one ive done that before with other guys, that was a car crash in half or i get left hanging and when it happened it was like i didnt really care of get hurt by it, maybe a lil peeved but not mad or sad or even upset,it just passed like the leaving blowing in the fall. but im scared, openly, plainly scared to death bout telling this boy how i feel, i guess scared of rejection or even scared of him feeling the same way. mixed signals mostly and me probably thinking && looking too hard into things. but when i didnt talk to him for those 2 or 3 weeks and then im asking me why i didnt talk to him anymore, it was like i got that feeling all over again and wondered why didnt i talk to him!? when i think back to those weeks i cant even remember thinking of him, but now i cant stop thinking of him. it kinda feels like this book i just read, minus the whole neighbor thing, this boy && this girl, the girl liked this boy sinc she had first met him and the boy didnt like her at all then thru the years things kinda flipped, but then the girl realized she should give the boy who had fallen in love with her a chance to see if he really changed. but i mean i changed alot over this one year while he was gone. ive changed and im still changing. i used to think that we would always end up together but now im not so sure. some say he is what i need && vice versa but i honestly dont know any more , my heart is closing . its scared . im scared .