(no subject)
extreamly tired..
and im not in a very good mood.
i had a dream that i kept waking up to late for school and i would miss first period (which in my dream is math) so i was failing that subject and i was becoming really depressed, and this kid... he kept following me and kept like telling me how he wanted to be with me and i was just trying to get away from him and because i didnt want him back he was messing everything up for me. I was failing math and in my dream it was like the worst thing ever. and i became so depressed that i ended up killing myself? :\ it wasnt a very good dream. but i guess it has some reflection on my life. maybe.
so its like 8 in the morning and im awake on a sunday writing in my lj? yeah kinda weird but i just feel guilty for things that i shouldnt have to... some people put so much pressure on me.if i dont hang out with my friends, some one will hate me, if i dont go visit my dad my mom makes me feel like shit, when i dont do homework or get something wrong everyone in my fucking classes are like shock? like im sapposed to be fucking perfect. i feel guilty when i eat, i feel fat and i just want to throw up... but obviously thats stupid... :\ i hate it when people bug me about things (my mom, brothers)
and when you need a person the most, they arnt there for you because they are too busy talking shit about you and hoping that you rot in hell and hating you wich fucking sucks because: to that person... i wish the best for in life and i would never want anything like that for anyone.. :\ especially not you.
well im not aloud to go out tonight so friends of mine dont think that im JUST hanging out with matthew because im not... i just cant go out tonight :\ so dont hate me please..
im so stressed out.. and i like cant talk to anyone except matthew... maybe thats why i hangout with him so much because hes my bestfriend...
sigh
im going back to bed to cry another pillow of tears
goodnight/goodmorning
and im not in a very good mood.
i had a dream that i kept waking up to late for school and i would miss first period (which in my dream is math) so i was failing that subject and i was becoming really depressed, and this kid... he kept following me and kept like telling me how he wanted to be with me and i was just trying to get away from him and because i didnt want him back he was messing everything up for me. I was failing math and in my dream it was like the worst thing ever. and i became so depressed that i ended up killing myself? :\ it wasnt a very good dream. but i guess it has some reflection on my life. maybe.
so its like 8 in the morning and im awake on a sunday writing in my lj? yeah kinda weird but i just feel guilty for things that i shouldnt have to... some people put so much pressure on me.if i dont hang out with my friends, some one will hate me, if i dont go visit my dad my mom makes me feel like shit, when i dont do homework or get something wrong everyone in my fucking classes are like shock? like im sapposed to be fucking perfect. i feel guilty when i eat, i feel fat and i just want to throw up... but obviously thats stupid... :\ i hate it when people bug me about things (my mom, brothers)
and when you need a person the most, they arnt there for you because they are too busy talking shit about you and hoping that you rot in hell and hating you wich fucking sucks because: to that person... i wish the best for in life and i would never want anything like that for anyone.. :\ especially not you.
well im not aloud to go out tonight so friends of mine dont think that im JUST hanging out with matthew because im not... i just cant go out tonight :\ so dont hate me please..
im so stressed out.. and i like cant talk to anyone except matthew... maybe thats why i hangout with him so much because hes my bestfriend...
sigh
im going back to bed to cry another pillow of tears
goodnight/goodmorning