06/10/2005 - Cocaine
co·caine n.: A colorless or white crystalline alkaloid, C17H21NO4, extracted from coca leaves, sometimes used in medicine as a local anesthetic especially for the eyes, nose, or throat and widely used as an illicit drug for its euphoric and stimulating effects.
I’ve tried cocaine several times in the past. I have never enjoyed it. I mean, it wasn’t a bad experience - I just didn’t find it to be especially remarkable. I became more talkative, and after awhile, I noticed that my nose, gums, and throat had gone numb. It wore off quickly, and later, I caught myself thinking about it even though I hadn’t enjoyed the experience. So what’s that - physical addiction without the bonus of pleasure? GOSH!
Last night I experienced a random encounter that led to crushing and chopping cocaine into beautiful lines of white powder. Its stark contrast against the dark surface of my black scrying mirror was nothing short of perfect, precise, and pristine. I turned the lights out and placed colored directional LED lights at the four corners of the mirror, admiring the way the mountains of snow cast their reflection and shadow all at once.
My companions and I destroyed the lines one by one, slicing them each individually with a razor’s edge to reduce stubborn, errant particles into a fine dusty powder. I remember hearing one of my favorite Gravity Kills mixes in the background as we inhaled the absurdity of life through rolled dollar bills.
I was suddenly gripped by a feeling of complete elation. As moments passed, I felt more energetic. I felt like an efficient, well-oiled machine; strong, aware, and perceptive. I felt like I was mathematically processing information when viewing my surroundings - calculating rather than simply observing. I felt as though some previously hidden veil had been lifted - like the difference between the awareness of energy and the languid crawl of exhaustion, I was thinking more quickly.
A stream of seemingly endless conversation and laughter filled the room. The presence of light-hearted joy seemed so strong that our gathering felt like a celebration. If only life were always that entertaining - and wow, if only I felt that energetic and productive all the time! Now I finally understand the appeal. I am satisfied.
I’ve tried cocaine several times in the past. I have never enjoyed it. I mean, it wasn’t a bad experience - I just didn’t find it to be especially remarkable. I became more talkative, and after awhile, I noticed that my nose, gums, and throat had gone numb. It wore off quickly, and later, I caught myself thinking about it even though I hadn’t enjoyed the experience. So what’s that - physical addiction without the bonus of pleasure? GOSH!
Last night I experienced a random encounter that led to crushing and chopping cocaine into beautiful lines of white powder. Its stark contrast against the dark surface of my black scrying mirror was nothing short of perfect, precise, and pristine. I turned the lights out and placed colored directional LED lights at the four corners of the mirror, admiring the way the mountains of snow cast their reflection and shadow all at once.
My companions and I destroyed the lines one by one, slicing them each individually with a razor’s edge to reduce stubborn, errant particles into a fine dusty powder. I remember hearing one of my favorite Gravity Kills mixes in the background as we inhaled the absurdity of life through rolled dollar bills.
I was suddenly gripped by a feeling of complete elation. As moments passed, I felt more energetic. I felt like an efficient, well-oiled machine; strong, aware, and perceptive. I felt like I was mathematically processing information when viewing my surroundings - calculating rather than simply observing. I felt as though some previously hidden veil had been lifted - like the difference between the awareness of energy and the languid crawl of exhaustion, I was thinking more quickly.
A stream of seemingly endless conversation and laughter filled the room. The presence of light-hearted joy seemed so strong that our gathering felt like a celebration. If only life were always that entertaining - and wow, if only I felt that energetic and productive all the time! Now I finally understand the appeal. I am satisfied.