everybody take it off;

[obtains]

delicious double post.

I have a new profile because I AM NEVER SATISFIED

And I can't stop listening to Ke$ha what is this--

And a meme for good measure.

~I'LL FACE MYSELF~

spoilers, my persona is my fist.

also, edited for this

Leave me an anonymous comment. It can be one sentence [or even just a word], or you can pour your heart out and

Comments

[2/2]

[anonymous]

And I did.

After two months of torturing myself, I finally removed my ex from facebook, livejournal, aim list, so on so forth. I told my ex-fwb that I would get over myself and hope she was happy, told her that I was there for her. I went to school the next day and was informed I seemed more brilliant than before, dazzling. Cute actually was the word used, not brilliant or dazzling. But I'll settle for cute as well. Especially when it's in the "you seem more cute today" way instead of the "you looked really cute with your old hair cut." way.

Things were good. Things were better than good. I was on cloud nine and I wasn't showing signs of coming down. And as we know, that's a shit sentiment right there. I'm still friends with my ex-fwb, but my real ex... I haven't spoken to her in so long. I don't want to breach the topic and speak to her because I don't want to get back down into that hole of September/October. But I want to know how she's doing, how things are with her boyfriend, I want to know if she ever thinks of me like I think of her. I don't want to get back together with her at all, but I... I'm tired of this.

I'm tired of wanting to know her. I'm tired of what she did in my life. But I'm not tired of the person she made me. I want to know if I changed her as much as she did me. But I don't want to continue communications with her. I just fell out of love, I don't need to dip my toes back in that pool just yet. I know I'm a terrible person, I know what I did to her was such a shit thing, I know I'm being biased in everything, I know I know I know.

I just want to have meant something to her. I want to mean something to her character. I can't have not changed her in the year and a half we knew each other right? In the 10 months we were together? I don't want to be nothing I just want to be invisible. They aren't the same thing.

- Your overly selfish, asshole Anon.

[obtains]

Okay, first of all. You're not an asshole and you're not selfish. Second of all, I just want to hug you right now, anon.

HERM. The way I see it, you can applaud yourself for getting out of that slump. It takes a shit ton of time and I can tell you I relate to a good deal more than you might think with this. It's not all that different from shit I went through. Hell, the thing about my case is that the OTHER person is the one who really hurt me and I was still so interested in their life.

So, honestly? It's not weird to be like that. it's FRUSTRATING AS ALL HELL but it's perfectly human. When you put an emotional investment in other people, you want something to come from that. We don't instantly think "oh this will end horribly." We want to see their lives. Sometimes it's because we still care, sometimes it's because we're vindictive and wish that their lives would go to hell. We have so many reasons for looking back on people and the past and what we did and how we became. So it's not selfish at all. But to be honest, if she changed you in the months she has known you, than you have changed her. You might not be able to see any indication of it, but I can honestly say that yes. How could you not? Because you were both emotionally invested in each other in some point or another.

But I think it was a good thing you removed these people from your life. This doesn't mean it's temporary, or in the future you won't be able to see each other. The world works in such mysterious ways, and all those cliche terms. But it's true. You'd be surprised what people come back into you life, and slip out of it. But all you can do is move forward and hope for your own health and happiness. Focus on you. Focus on what makes you happy, and what keeps you moving forward. Sometimes we have time to dwindle on the past, but mistakes and problems aren't meant to be dwelled on, they just help to shape us.

So move forward in your life. When you've gotten to such a good point that those who have hurt you for this or that reason no longer phase you, than look back on them, all right? Maybe than you can resolve your differences. For now it seems that you're getting to a better spot in your life. Don't beat yourself up over the whole communication thing. In the end, it will all work out.

[anonymous]

That was really disjointed and I kind of vomited it out. Thanks for reading it all.

God those months were the worst I've ever had. I just cried all the time and got mad all the time and shit man. THEM SUCK BALLSSSSSSSSSS.

I just want to know about her. I just want to know so bad it's burning.

The thing is, I'm just such an awkward little lamb, if I ever met her again I probably wouldn't poke at the subject. I don't know. it's difficult. EVERYTHING IS DIFFICULT /breaks a chair or something.

Man there are some highs and there are some lows. I'm just glad I'm growing up, yo. I'll continue working on getting to that better spot again, but it's slow-going. Doesn't help I really need a stupid hair-cut right now.

[obtains]

It's slow but I know you'll get through it. Some progress is better than none right?

[anonymous]

yupyupyup <3