Michael: My mother is opposed to the idea of hiring a new attorney. She'll probably refuse to enter the room if she sees you.
Wayne Jarvis: I shall hide behind the couch.
[and he does just that]
Michael: Guy's a pro.
Lucille Austero: Today at lunch, you were ashamed to be with me.
Gob: No. I was ashamed to be seen with you. I like being with you.
Lucille: Michael Moore confronted me on national television.
Michael: First of all, that was not Michael Moore. That was a Michael Moore look-alike. And second it wasn't national television. It was for a bit, on Jimmy Kimmel Live.
Lucille: I don't know what that is nor do I care to find out.
Lucille: What's a Forget-Me-Now?
Gob: They're pills that create a sort of temporary forgettingness. So if somebody finds out how you do a trick, you just give 'em one of these, and they forget the whole thing. It's a mainstay of the magician's toolkit, like how clowns always have a rag soaked in ether.
Tobias Fünke: Gob, this is Flunitrazepam. It's a roofie.
Lucille: Those are illegal.
Gob: Shut up, Mom. Don't make me give you another one of these.
Gob: Tell you what we're gonna do: "Rock Paper Scissors" for it.
Michael: No, no I'm not...
Gob: One, two, three. Paper covers rock.
Michael: It is a rock, though. Should beat everything.
Gob: There's not a lot of logic to it. It's kind of like on a boat with "Women and children first." I mean, why should they...
Gob: If I didn't have a live dove in my pants right now, I'd leap across the table and...
[he unzips his pants]
Gob: Ah, what the hell...
Michael: I think that's just as good of a time as any to end the meeting.
George Sr.: Listen... Let him go. Let your son go.
Michael: I can't do that, Dad. He needs me.
George Sr.: Michael, you don't want to make the same mistake your mom made with Buster.
Michael: Yeah, boy. What happened there?
George Sr.: I really don't know. Maybe it was the eleven months he spent in the womb. The doctor said there were claw marks on the walls of her uterus. But he was her "miracle baby." And I-I was just too burnt out on raising you guys to care. So... he turned out a little soft, you know, a little doughy.
[Buster yawns next to him]
George Sr.: I don't know, maybe it was my fault. Maybe, uh, maybe I just ignored the guy.
[Buster finishes yawning although George Sr is ignoring him]
Buster: Wow. We're just blowing through nap time, aren't we?
Michael: Yeah, I got to let my son go.
Happy Birthday Aaron.
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