Pardon me while I momentarily switch fandoms...
Don't worry, I'm not abandoning any of my DEBS fics. This is just something I had to get out first. (Ye gods, FOUR stories at once. I must be insane.
Title: Do Not Go Quietly... (1/?)
Author: obsidian179
Rating: PG-13, at least so far.
Disclaimer: Grey's Anatomy is the property of ABC and Shonda Rhimes - though considering the treatment they've been giving it, I'm starting to think there should be some kind of DCFS-equivilant for television shows.
Summary: This was NOT how Callie wanted to leave things...
Author's notes: You know, I've never written fic for a show that I've never actually seen a single episode of. (I have seen clips on Youtube and read the fic of others, though. Not quite the same, I know, but at least it seems to have spared me some monumental stupidity on the behalf of ABC...) However, I find that I can't quite just let this sort of thing go by unremarked upon. That, and the muse can be a sucker for some angst. Anyway, please forgive any mistakes or minor mischaracterizations.
And away we go...
Callie Torres was not typically the sort to be given over to introspection.
She was impulsive. She wore her heart on her sleeve. She was aggressive, and confident, and went after what she wanted.
Except when it came to Erica Hahn.
Erica, it seemed, was the exception to every rule. When it came to Erica, Callie was nervous, pulled back when she should have pushed forward, was not at all open about her feelings, and had let her take the lead.
She'd told herself at the time that she'd just learned from her disastrous marriage to George, and that she'd wanted to avoid making the same mistakes. And that was true, to a degree. She hadn't wanted to be burned like that again.
But at the same time, she'd known full well that Erica wouldn't do that to her. Erica had loved her - genuinely loved her. And how had she repaid that love?
She'd freaked out and ran away. Not just once, but multiple times. Why Erica kept taking her back, even - especially - after she'd run to Mark to learn, to clear her head, to prove something to herself... She had no idea.
And now she might never know.
Erica was gone.
And nobody knew where she'd gone to.
Chief Webber - damn him - was more concerned with Erica's threat to go to UNOS regarding the Izzie/Denny debacle. Given that Callie had never said one word about it to him, she could only assume that Erica was actually moving forward with it.
And she had no idea how that made her feel.
She didn't want to defend Izzie. Hell, she couldn't believe she had defended Izzie - in however indirect a manner - to Erica. Had actually sided with Izzie - with the hospital - against her own girlfriend.
She hadn't understood what Erica had been trying to tell her. Not until the next day, when it was far too late.
If Erica didn't make friends easily, she would naturally have an even harder time letting them into her heart. Falling in love... That was the sort of thing that Doctor Hahn, cardio badass extraordinaire, would have actively resisted. She left who she was outside the hospital, she'd said.
Yet, somehow... Somehow, Callie had evidently slipped through the cracks of her armor. Callie had invaded her heart, then promptly misused and abused what should have been a treasured gift.
She didn't wonder why Erica had left her.
She wondered why it had taken so long.
The first few days after Erica mysteriously vanished from the face of the planet had been... tense, to say the least. It took almost an entire day for Callie to notice that people had begun looking at her oddly, edging away from her as subtly as they could.
No mystery there. She was all but radiating a black cloud of misery and depression, and snapped at those brave enough - or foolish enough - to attempt to try and figure out what was wrong with her. Didn't she, Hahn's best friend, know where she'd gone?
No. No, she didn't. And it hurt too much to try and explain to people why that was.
Only Mark Sloan had known they were an item, so he was the only one who wasn't at all surprised that she was looking worse as the week went on, rather then better.
Finally, five days after Erica had left, he managed to corner her at lunch. "Are you even going to try and deal with this?"
"Go away," she said dully, poking listlessly at her salad. Why had she ordered this? Out of all the available choices...
"Shove over, Sloan. Torres and I are going to share a Sapphic salad."
He shook his head. Disgusted with her? Oh, probably. God knew she was disgusted with herself. This was all her fault. Why hadn't she just lured Erica up to the roof and shoved her off? At least that would have been quicker, comparatively painless, and been over in a much faster, more permenant way. This...
"Okay," Mark said abruptly, startling her out of her thoughts. "Tell me what happened."
She stared at him. "You want to talk about emotional issues?" The only thing that would have shocked her more would have been if Christina had sat down with them and suddenly announced that she wanted to be Callie's bestest best friend ever, because she cared more about her then cardio.
Which wasn't so much unlikely as it was drugged-out hallucination territory.
"I know, I know, not really my thing, right?" He nodded. "And that's true. But I would be an absolutely lousy friend if I just left you sitting here looking like you were contemplating slitting your wrists. So out with it."
"I'm the worst girlfriend ever." She hadn't meant to actually say that - hell, she hadn't meant to say anything - but it slipped out before she could stop it, or even think it through.
And she realized it was true.
"What? Why would you-"
She slammed her fork down angrily. She was furious with herself, but she still saw him flinch reflexively. Not unfairly, she had to admit - she had been known for her temper, in the past. 'Cage-fighter Callie', she'd been dubbed. "Because I am! Look at how I treated Erica! She put up with so much of my bullshit, and all the gay panic, and I just, I just... pushed her away more, again and again. I hurt her over and over and over, and still... God, still she loved me. She didn't leave me because she hates me, she left because I treated her like dirt. I didn't deserve to have someone as amazing as her, and she finally realized that if she stayed, I'd grind her down into nothing." She felt tears threaten, but pushed them back ruthlessly. As much as Erica deserved to have her shed a few tears over what they'd lost, this was neither the time nor the place.
Doctor Hahn would not have approved.
Mark was silent for a long moment, pursing his lips in thought. "That was way more melodramatic then I would have said it," he said finally.
It surprised a laugh out of her, likely his intention all along. "Sorry. I guess proximity to Grey and her bunch has affected me."
"That is one of the hazzards of working in this hospital," he agreed, a twinkle in his eyes. "That, and sex in oncall rooms."
"I'm sometimes amazed that any actual medicine gets practiced here," she muttered. She knew how the way the staff seemed to devote more time to their personal lives then actually treating their patients had driven Erica up more then one wall.
"But the point is that we do work together. And in order for me to do my job, I need to leave who I am outside the doors of this hospital."
"And yet it does," he countered. "So, the question becomes, what is it going to take to shake you out of this funk that you're in?"
That question required no thought at all to answer. "Erica."
Not unexpectedly, that brought him up short. Callie, tired of looking at her mostly untouched salad, rose to go throw it away.
She wasn't really hungry, anyway.
Over the next two weeks, Callie managed, at the very least, to pull herself together on the job. No matter how she felt, her patients deserved the very best care she could give them.
She still tended to skip more meals then she ate, and knew she'd lost a few pounds already, but couldn't quite find it within her to care.
She didn't go out for drinks with anyone, anymore. She didn't spend time with Mark, she barely exchanged five words with Christina - and they lived together - and she didn't even care anymore if anyone was whispering or talking about her.
Had anyone figured out what had been going on between her and Erica?
She neither knew nor cared.
Ironically, that probably would have Erica happy. One of the things Callie had freaked out about - one of the many, many things - was people finding out about them. Not that Doctor Hahn wanted to be gossipped about, either, but Callie actively despised it, and had ever since things had gone wrong with George. (Which was an entirely different matter altogether. Callie O'Malley? What the hell had she been thinking?) Now...
If Erica would just come back, would just take her back one last time, she'd shout it from the rooftops, rent a billboard, and dip into her trust fund to have 'Callie Torres loves Erica Hahn' scrawled across the bottom of every major national network.
Because she was not ashamed of Erica, or what they had together. She was ashamed of the way she'd treated it. Treated her.
She knew she'd already had more chances then she deserved, yet still... She hoped.
Because she had to cling to something when she watched the Chief acting chipper, as if his career wasn't in serious jeopardy. When she sees people lauding Izzie Stevens, who she at times thinks should not even be allowed to practice medicine. When she sees all the happy couples, or bed-hopping manwhores, and goes home alone to her cold, empty bed.
When she occasionally drives past Erica's place, and finds no sign of her there.
She needs something. And hope is all she has left.
She has to wonder how long it will be until that's taken from her, too.
Or if she'll somehow destroy it herself, like she has every other good thing in her life.
Maybe she deserves to be alone.
But damn it, Erica deserves an apology. Even if she doesn't want to hear it.
She almost has to laugh, when Addison finally calls her.
Not because Addison called her, no. Because she heard about what was going on from Mark Sloan.
Mark calling in reinforcements is rare enough when it comes to women, but to call Addison?
She hadn't seen that coming. But looking back on the tangled emotional mess that was Seattle Grace, she wonders if she should have.
Addison doesn't berate her. Doesn't pity her. Doesn't say she was right or wrong. She just listens, while Callie pours it out. Everything she'd been thinking, feeling, knowing. Her thoughts, fears, insecurities... All of it.
And she cried. Oh, how she cried. She was amazed that Addison was actually able to understand her through her sobs.
"And you have no idea where she is?" Addison asks when Callie is finally finished. It's ungodly early, and while Callie may have a day off, Addison probably doesn't. Yetshe doesn't try to hurry things along at all.
"No," Callie croaked, her throat sore from all the emotion she'd released after keeping it bottled up for so long. "Almost a month, now... The Chief probably knows, if she's really pushing that UNOS thing, but he's hardly about to tell me. After all, why would he? I'm just a lowly carpenter." She's aware of how bitter that sounds. She simply doesn't care.
Addison, it seems, does. "You are no such thing," she rebuked. "Erica certainly never thought so."
That... was true, she supposed. "That doesn't mean he doesn't," she replied.
Addison paused, and Callie got the idea that she agreed with her, but didn't want to admit it. "The Chief isn't a bad guy, really," she said finally. "He just tends to... lose sight of what's important, sometimes."
"Like I did."
She could all but hear Addison shrugging. "Maybe. God knows he's hardly done better in his lovelife then you have in yours. And really, Callie-"
"I know, I know!" she said, cutting her off. "I treated Erica like dirt, I hurt her feelings again and again, no matter how much she tried to pretend otherwise, or that she doesn't have feelings at all. I just..." Her voice dropped to a whisper. "I need to see leaves."
Addison had no way of knowing what that meant, obviously, so she didn't even try to figure it out. "Well, if you're looking for leaves, Central Park was always a great spot to do some leaf watching, back in New York."
Callie laughed mirthlessly. "Yeah, great. I'll, ah, keep that in mind."
Addison pressed on, undaunted. "I still hear from some of my old collagues back there, you know. Hell, no doubt you'll keep in touch with a lot of the people there once you complete your residency."
"Maybe." Though the way she felt right now, she didn't know if she'd actually want to. Even talking to Mark lately left her feeling nauseated, after the part - however unwitting - he'd played in the way things had gone wrong between her and Erica. He was just too big of a reminder of what she'd lost.
"Oh, you will. Ties like that don't just go away," Addison predicted confidently. "Have I ever told you about my residency?"
Callie had to think about that. "A little."
"Well, you'd like the hospital. It may not be Seattle Grace... But then again, it's not Seattle Grace."
"What, they actually focus on their patients?"
Addison laughed. "Actually, yes. And they have a fantastic cardio program. Although from what I hear, they have been looking for a new cardio chief. They may even have found someone, but there's evidently some kind of legal thing going on that I'm not even supposed to know about, let alone discuss."
Callie went very, very, very still. Her mouth opened and closed silently a few times, before she was finally able to force out, "Erica?"
"Anyway, like I said, New York's great for leaf watching this time of year. If you're into that sort of thing." She paused. "And don't need any glasses."
And there was no way, no way in hell, that Addison should have known anything about that discussion. Which meant that there was only one person who could have told her. "Is... Is she okay?" Callie whispered.
Addison paused, then very deliberately replied, "Why don't you go and tell me?" Then she hung up.
And that, Callie decided, was the best idea she'd heard in weeks.
Title: Do Not Go Quietly... (1/?)
Author: obsidian179
Rating: PG-13, at least so far.
Disclaimer: Grey's Anatomy is the property of ABC and Shonda Rhimes - though considering the treatment they've been giving it, I'm starting to think there should be some kind of DCFS-equivilant for television shows.
Summary: This was NOT how Callie wanted to leave things...
Author's notes: You know, I've never written fic for a show that I've never actually seen a single episode of. (I have seen clips on Youtube and read the fic of others, though. Not quite the same, I know, but at least it seems to have spared me some monumental stupidity on the behalf of ABC...) However, I find that I can't quite just let this sort of thing go by unremarked upon. That, and the muse can be a sucker for some angst. Anyway, please forgive any mistakes or minor mischaracterizations.
And away we go...
Callie Torres was not typically the sort to be given over to introspection.
She was impulsive. She wore her heart on her sleeve. She was aggressive, and confident, and went after what she wanted.
Except when it came to Erica Hahn.
Erica, it seemed, was the exception to every rule. When it came to Erica, Callie was nervous, pulled back when she should have pushed forward, was not at all open about her feelings, and had let her take the lead.
She'd told herself at the time that she'd just learned from her disastrous marriage to George, and that she'd wanted to avoid making the same mistakes. And that was true, to a degree. She hadn't wanted to be burned like that again.
But at the same time, she'd known full well that Erica wouldn't do that to her. Erica had loved her - genuinely loved her. And how had she repaid that love?
She'd freaked out and ran away. Not just once, but multiple times. Why Erica kept taking her back, even - especially - after she'd run to Mark to learn, to clear her head, to prove something to herself... She had no idea.
And now she might never know.
Erica was gone.
And nobody knew where she'd gone to.
Chief Webber - damn him - was more concerned with Erica's threat to go to UNOS regarding the Izzie/Denny debacle. Given that Callie had never said one word about it to him, she could only assume that Erica was actually moving forward with it.
And she had no idea how that made her feel.
She didn't want to defend Izzie. Hell, she couldn't believe she had defended Izzie - in however indirect a manner - to Erica. Had actually sided with Izzie - with the hospital - against her own girlfriend.
She hadn't understood what Erica had been trying to tell her. Not until the next day, when it was far too late.
If Erica didn't make friends easily, she would naturally have an even harder time letting them into her heart. Falling in love... That was the sort of thing that Doctor Hahn, cardio badass extraordinaire, would have actively resisted. She left who she was outside the hospital, she'd said.
Yet, somehow... Somehow, Callie had evidently slipped through the cracks of her armor. Callie had invaded her heart, then promptly misused and abused what should have been a treasured gift.
She didn't wonder why Erica had left her.
She wondered why it had taken so long.
The first few days after Erica mysteriously vanished from the face of the planet had been... tense, to say the least. It took almost an entire day for Callie to notice that people had begun looking at her oddly, edging away from her as subtly as they could.
No mystery there. She was all but radiating a black cloud of misery and depression, and snapped at those brave enough - or foolish enough - to attempt to try and figure out what was wrong with her. Didn't she, Hahn's best friend, know where she'd gone?
No. No, she didn't. And it hurt too much to try and explain to people why that was.
Only Mark Sloan had known they were an item, so he was the only one who wasn't at all surprised that she was looking worse as the week went on, rather then better.
Finally, five days after Erica had left, he managed to corner her at lunch. "Are you even going to try and deal with this?"
"Go away," she said dully, poking listlessly at her salad. Why had she ordered this? Out of all the available choices...
"Shove over, Sloan. Torres and I are going to share a Sapphic salad."
He shook his head. Disgusted with her? Oh, probably. God knew she was disgusted with herself. This was all her fault. Why hadn't she just lured Erica up to the roof and shoved her off? At least that would have been quicker, comparatively painless, and been over in a much faster, more permenant way. This...
"Okay," Mark said abruptly, startling her out of her thoughts. "Tell me what happened."
She stared at him. "You want to talk about emotional issues?" The only thing that would have shocked her more would have been if Christina had sat down with them and suddenly announced that she wanted to be Callie's bestest best friend ever, because she cared more about her then cardio.
Which wasn't so much unlikely as it was drugged-out hallucination territory.
"I know, I know, not really my thing, right?" He nodded. "And that's true. But I would be an absolutely lousy friend if I just left you sitting here looking like you were contemplating slitting your wrists. So out with it."
"I'm the worst girlfriend ever." She hadn't meant to actually say that - hell, she hadn't meant to say anything - but it slipped out before she could stop it, or even think it through.
And she realized it was true.
"What? Why would you-"
She slammed her fork down angrily. She was furious with herself, but she still saw him flinch reflexively. Not unfairly, she had to admit - she had been known for her temper, in the past. 'Cage-fighter Callie', she'd been dubbed. "Because I am! Look at how I treated Erica! She put up with so much of my bullshit, and all the gay panic, and I just, I just... pushed her away more, again and again. I hurt her over and over and over, and still... God, still she loved me. She didn't leave me because she hates me, she left because I treated her like dirt. I didn't deserve to have someone as amazing as her, and she finally realized that if she stayed, I'd grind her down into nothing." She felt tears threaten, but pushed them back ruthlessly. As much as Erica deserved to have her shed a few tears over what they'd lost, this was neither the time nor the place.
Doctor Hahn would not have approved.
Mark was silent for a long moment, pursing his lips in thought. "That was way more melodramatic then I would have said it," he said finally.
It surprised a laugh out of her, likely his intention all along. "Sorry. I guess proximity to Grey and her bunch has affected me."
"That is one of the hazzards of working in this hospital," he agreed, a twinkle in his eyes. "That, and sex in oncall rooms."
"I'm sometimes amazed that any actual medicine gets practiced here," she muttered. She knew how the way the staff seemed to devote more time to their personal lives then actually treating their patients had driven Erica up more then one wall.
"But the point is that we do work together. And in order for me to do my job, I need to leave who I am outside the doors of this hospital."
"And yet it does," he countered. "So, the question becomes, what is it going to take to shake you out of this funk that you're in?"
That question required no thought at all to answer. "Erica."
Not unexpectedly, that brought him up short. Callie, tired of looking at her mostly untouched salad, rose to go throw it away.
She wasn't really hungry, anyway.
Over the next two weeks, Callie managed, at the very least, to pull herself together on the job. No matter how she felt, her patients deserved the very best care she could give them.
She still tended to skip more meals then she ate, and knew she'd lost a few pounds already, but couldn't quite find it within her to care.
She didn't go out for drinks with anyone, anymore. She didn't spend time with Mark, she barely exchanged five words with Christina - and they lived together - and she didn't even care anymore if anyone was whispering or talking about her.
Had anyone figured out what had been going on between her and Erica?
She neither knew nor cared.
Ironically, that probably would have Erica happy. One of the things Callie had freaked out about - one of the many, many things - was people finding out about them. Not that Doctor Hahn wanted to be gossipped about, either, but Callie actively despised it, and had ever since things had gone wrong with George. (Which was an entirely different matter altogether. Callie O'Malley? What the hell had she been thinking?) Now...
If Erica would just come back, would just take her back one last time, she'd shout it from the rooftops, rent a billboard, and dip into her trust fund to have 'Callie Torres loves Erica Hahn' scrawled across the bottom of every major national network.
Because she was not ashamed of Erica, or what they had together. She was ashamed of the way she'd treated it. Treated her.
She knew she'd already had more chances then she deserved, yet still... She hoped.
Because she had to cling to something when she watched the Chief acting chipper, as if his career wasn't in serious jeopardy. When she sees people lauding Izzie Stevens, who she at times thinks should not even be allowed to practice medicine. When she sees all the happy couples, or bed-hopping manwhores, and goes home alone to her cold, empty bed.
When she occasionally drives past Erica's place, and finds no sign of her there.
She needs something. And hope is all she has left.
She has to wonder how long it will be until that's taken from her, too.
Or if she'll somehow destroy it herself, like she has every other good thing in her life.
Maybe she deserves to be alone.
But damn it, Erica deserves an apology. Even if she doesn't want to hear it.
She almost has to laugh, when Addison finally calls her.
Not because Addison called her, no. Because she heard about what was going on from Mark Sloan.
Mark calling in reinforcements is rare enough when it comes to women, but to call Addison?
She hadn't seen that coming. But looking back on the tangled emotional mess that was Seattle Grace, she wonders if she should have.
Addison doesn't berate her. Doesn't pity her. Doesn't say she was right or wrong. She just listens, while Callie pours it out. Everything she'd been thinking, feeling, knowing. Her thoughts, fears, insecurities... All of it.
And she cried. Oh, how she cried. She was amazed that Addison was actually able to understand her through her sobs.
"And you have no idea where she is?" Addison asks when Callie is finally finished. It's ungodly early, and while Callie may have a day off, Addison probably doesn't. Yetshe doesn't try to hurry things along at all.
"No," Callie croaked, her throat sore from all the emotion she'd released after keeping it bottled up for so long. "Almost a month, now... The Chief probably knows, if she's really pushing that UNOS thing, but he's hardly about to tell me. After all, why would he? I'm just a lowly carpenter." She's aware of how bitter that sounds. She simply doesn't care.
Addison, it seems, does. "You are no such thing," she rebuked. "Erica certainly never thought so."
That... was true, she supposed. "That doesn't mean he doesn't," she replied.
Addison paused, and Callie got the idea that she agreed with her, but didn't want to admit it. "The Chief isn't a bad guy, really," she said finally. "He just tends to... lose sight of what's important, sometimes."
"Like I did."
She could all but hear Addison shrugging. "Maybe. God knows he's hardly done better in his lovelife then you have in yours. And really, Callie-"
"I know, I know!" she said, cutting her off. "I treated Erica like dirt, I hurt her feelings again and again, no matter how much she tried to pretend otherwise, or that she doesn't have feelings at all. I just..." Her voice dropped to a whisper. "I need to see leaves."
Addison had no way of knowing what that meant, obviously, so she didn't even try to figure it out. "Well, if you're looking for leaves, Central Park was always a great spot to do some leaf watching, back in New York."
Callie laughed mirthlessly. "Yeah, great. I'll, ah, keep that in mind."
Addison pressed on, undaunted. "I still hear from some of my old collagues back there, you know. Hell, no doubt you'll keep in touch with a lot of the people there once you complete your residency."
"Maybe." Though the way she felt right now, she didn't know if she'd actually want to. Even talking to Mark lately left her feeling nauseated, after the part - however unwitting - he'd played in the way things had gone wrong between her and Erica. He was just too big of a reminder of what she'd lost.
"Oh, you will. Ties like that don't just go away," Addison predicted confidently. "Have I ever told you about my residency?"
Callie had to think about that. "A little."
"Well, you'd like the hospital. It may not be Seattle Grace... But then again, it's not Seattle Grace."
"What, they actually focus on their patients?"
Addison laughed. "Actually, yes. And they have a fantastic cardio program. Although from what I hear, they have been looking for a new cardio chief. They may even have found someone, but there's evidently some kind of legal thing going on that I'm not even supposed to know about, let alone discuss."
Callie went very, very, very still. Her mouth opened and closed silently a few times, before she was finally able to force out, "Erica?"
"Anyway, like I said, New York's great for leaf watching this time of year. If you're into that sort of thing." She paused. "And don't need any glasses."
And there was no way, no way in hell, that Addison should have known anything about that discussion. Which meant that there was only one person who could have told her. "Is... Is she okay?" Callie whispered.
Addison paused, then very deliberately replied, "Why don't you go and tell me?" Then she hung up.
And that, Callie decided, was the best idea she'd heard in weeks.