(no subject)
I realized today that most of us are living our lives pretending and wishing to be people we're not.
I don't want to grow up lonely. I don't want to take a regular old date to the prom. I don't want to marry a regular guy and have regular kids and live in a regular house and drive a regular car.
I want to live an extravagant life... without being an extravagant person.
I don't want to live a restricted life. I don't want to have my back pressed against the wall. I want to be out in the middle of it all, where I can see everything.
I want to be who I am and not have people discriminate me for it. I want to stop faking everything. I want to stop telling people things that I think they want to hear, instead of just telling the truth. I'm tired of telling myself the things I want to hear instead of being true to myself.
I want to be free. I want to watch the sun set on my face. I want to watch it fade away to darkness, and then watch the stars take its place. I want to do all of these things without rushing away and have it perform to my back.
I'm sorry if this confused you, but something is changing inside of me. For the good.
I think this is going to be my last update for a while.
PS- He called tonight. Jack, I think in a way we were both right. You said I wouldn't be able to stay away from him, which I can't. But I was right too. I don't like him any more.
I think I love him.
I don't want to grow up lonely. I don't want to take a regular old date to the prom. I don't want to marry a regular guy and have regular kids and live in a regular house and drive a regular car.
I want to live an extravagant life... without being an extravagant person.
I don't want to live a restricted life. I don't want to have my back pressed against the wall. I want to be out in the middle of it all, where I can see everything.
I want to be who I am and not have people discriminate me for it. I want to stop faking everything. I want to stop telling people things that I think they want to hear, instead of just telling the truth. I'm tired of telling myself the things I want to hear instead of being true to myself.
I want to be free. I want to watch the sun set on my face. I want to watch it fade away to darkness, and then watch the stars take its place. I want to do all of these things without rushing away and have it perform to my back.
I'm sorry if this confused you, but something is changing inside of me. For the good.
I think this is going to be my last update for a while.
PS- He called tonight. Jack, I think in a way we were both right. You said I wouldn't be able to stay away from him, which I can't. But I was right too. I don't like him any more.
I think I love him.