manners
Fan Forum is down again for maintenance? WTF?
I am angry. I made a post on this a long time ago, and vented my little heart out, but I'm starting to see it again all over my friends list and it just pisses me off. You don't talk about your personal problems in response to somebody else's suffering. You just don't. It's horrible manners. I think a lot of people do it because they think it helps to relate to the person in need, but it doesn't. Think about it.
How many times have I seen someone make a depressed, or angry, or horrified post, only to have all the comments go "oh, sorry to hear about that, it reminds me of the one time I was really [SadAngryScared], and this is what happened to me blah blah blah." The sympathetic attention is completely diverted away from the person who made the post; somehow it suddenly becomes all about you, as though their pain is too insignificant to matter. I'm sure 99% of people who do this don't realise this is what they're doing, but they don't think about how it's gonna affect the other person, either. Most of us would have made an unhappy post sometime, and do you remember what it felt like when someone just swoops in and completely trivialises your issues? I don't think anyone would have been dancing for joy thinking "wow, this person is really supportive."
I worked as a phone counsellor many years ago, and this was lesson one. NEVER try to relate to the caller on your own experience. NEVER divert the attention and treat it as an opportunity to talk about yourself as though that would help. They don't care, it doesn't help, and it makes them feel fucking unimportant. If you wanna rant, do it in your own journal. Other people's comment spaces are for sympathy and support, not for you to show off your life experience.
This is a reaction to what I'm seeing happening on my friends list of late. It is not a barbed comment directed at anyone in particular. Over and out.
I am angry. I made a post on this a long time ago, and vented my little heart out, but I'm starting to see it again all over my friends list and it just pisses me off. You don't talk about your personal problems in response to somebody else's suffering. You just don't. It's horrible manners. I think a lot of people do it because they think it helps to relate to the person in need, but it doesn't. Think about it.
How many times have I seen someone make a depressed, or angry, or horrified post, only to have all the comments go "oh, sorry to hear about that, it reminds me of the one time I was really [SadAngryScared], and this is what happened to me blah blah blah." The sympathetic attention is completely diverted away from the person who made the post; somehow it suddenly becomes all about you, as though their pain is too insignificant to matter. I'm sure 99% of people who do this don't realise this is what they're doing, but they don't think about how it's gonna affect the other person, either. Most of us would have made an unhappy post sometime, and do you remember what it felt like when someone just swoops in and completely trivialises your issues? I don't think anyone would have been dancing for joy thinking "wow, this person is really supportive."
I worked as a phone counsellor many years ago, and this was lesson one. NEVER try to relate to the caller on your own experience. NEVER divert the attention and treat it as an opportunity to talk about yourself as though that would help. They don't care, it doesn't help, and it makes them feel fucking unimportant. If you wanna rant, do it in your own journal. Other people's comment spaces are for sympathy and support, not for you to show off your life experience.
This is a reaction to what I'm seeing happening on my friends list of late. It is not a barbed comment directed at anyone in particular. Over and out.