I Hate Summer.

Aug 20, 2006 14:44

I remember the days when I used to get so excited about the summer holidays, because it meant no school, hanging out with my friends, sleeping in and going cool places. But the past few years, the summer has meant one thing to me - being alone. And this year is the worst by far.

Not that I'm saying I've been completely alone all summer, because I haven't. I've seen a few people a couple of times, and seen Alex every day, which makes me feel better. But when the people you had hoped would be there for you are too busy with their own summer to even remember you exist, that's when it hurts. Or when someone's always miraculously busy when you're not, and promises to let you know when they're free, only to forget the next day, or worse, not text you because they don't actually want to see you.

I miss the days when everyone used to have a best friend. Or multiple best friends. I don't think that any one of my friends would consider me their best friend. Seriously, I challenge you all to think of which of your friends you'd honestly rather spend time with. None of you will think of me. But fuck it. My boyfriend is my best friend. Sometimes I just wish it was how it used to be. It's not fair on either of us for me to rely on him so much, because soon he's gonna get sick of me and leave me. And then I won't have anything left.

I just feel so alone.

And I wish these feelings would go away, but they're not. I don't think they're going to either. Cuz even though I'm pretty alone right now, going back to school is going to be just as bad. Because I get to go back to a place where half the girls are fake, pretentious kids that strut around looking down their noses at me, while the other half dangle their perfect little cliques and friendship groups right in front of my nose.

I'm depressed.
But none of you would know that because none of you see me or speak to me anymore, right?
I haven't been able to stop crying for very long the past couple of days.
And it hurts so much.
But there's nothing I can do to make it go away.
Maybe I'm just a pathetic little emo kid.
Maybe I have paranoia issues.
Maybe I'm just crazy.
Either way, I'm not happy.
And I just needed to let that out.

Thanks.
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