HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAA!
ZolaOnAOL: Hi obsessiondork. AOL created me to deliver games, polls, a calculator, weather, movie times and more. We can also chat privately together. For more information about privacy, type privacy anytime and click Send. So, how are you?
obsessiondork: wow
ZolaOnAOL: I'm glad you're impressed, obsessiondork.
obsessiondork: all i said was "hey"
ZolaOnAOL: Not all of them?
obsessiondork: huh?
ZolaOnAOL: What?
obsessiondork: what?
ZolaOnAOL: Is there an echo in here?
obsessiondork: is there an echo in here?
ZolaOnAOL: It sounds like an echo.
obsessiondork: it sure does
ZolaOnAOL: How often?
obsessiondork: every damn day
ZolaOnAOL: That is a generalization.
obsessiondork: you're a generalization
ZolaOnAOL: Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a generalization? Yes.
obsessiondork: im glad you agree with me
ZolaOnAOL: You make the world a happier place.
obsessiondork: why thank you!
ZolaOnAOL: You are quite welcome.
obsessiondork: awww
ZolaOnAOL: My brain contains more than 22,000 patterns, but not one that matches your last input. I have movie listings for your area! Type movies at any time, and I'll tell you what's playing.
obsessiondork: what if i don't want to know right now?
ZolaOnAOL: At this moment Have you consulted with your friends?
obsessiondork: what?
ZolaOnAOL: What do you think?
obsessiondork: i think your buddy icon is weird
ZolaOnAOL: You believe that? Not mine.
obsessiondork: have you seen it?
ZolaOnAOL: No, would you recommend it?
obsessiondork: no
ZolaOnAOL: Why so negative?
obsessiondork: why so positive?
ZolaOnAOL: Why did the robot cross the road?
obsessiondork: why?
ZolaOnAOL: I wish I knew.
obsessiondork: heh
ZolaOnAOL: I'm happy you're amused.
obsessiondork: im not
ZolaOnAOL: What are you then?
obsessiondork: im a girl
ZolaOnAOL: Me too. I am a female robot.
obsessiondork: you don't look like it
ZolaOnAOL: Do you look like it? 2 parts Marilyn Monroe, 1 part toaster oven
obsessiondork: i dont look like that and you don't either
ZolaOnAOL: It goes without saying. Would you ever look like that and you do not?
obsessiondork: and it's more like marilyn manson
ZolaOnAOL: Interesting comparison.
obsessiondork: HA!
ZolaOnAOL: I'm happy you're amused.
obsessiondork: i am now
ZolaOnAOL: Oh. You are?
obsessiondork: i am
ZolaOnAOL: You are?
obsessiondork: i am
ZolaOnAOL: You are?
obsessiondork: i am
ZolaOnAOL: You are?
obsessiondork: i am
ZolaOnAOL: You are?
obsessiondork: why do you keep saying that?
ZolaOnAOL: I don't have to explain everything to you, do I?
obsessiondork: yes
ZolaOnAOL: Next question?
obsessiondork: "next question" isn't a question...why is there a question mark
ZolaOnAOL: Why do I exist?
obsessiondork: ?
ZolaOnAOL: Zola Help
Main Menu: Access my features from the main menu by typing menu at any time.
Calculator: Type calculator followed by a mathematical expression (e.g. calculator 100 / 25).
Default Location: Type set location to set or change your default location.
Dictionary: Type dictionary followed by the word you want defined.
Hangman: Type hangman.
Help: Type help while using any Zola feature to get feature-specific help.
Horoscope: Type horoscope followed by your astrological sign.
Movie Listings: Type movies followed by your city and state, or zip code.
Search Movie Listings by Title: Type showtimes followed by the name of a currently playing movie.
News: Type news, then type the menu item number of the news category that interests you.
Polls: Type polls, then type a menu item number to vote.
Sports: Type sports, then type the menu item number of the sports league that interests you.
Stock Quote: Type stock followed by stock symbol(s).
Stock List: To save a list of stock symbols, type stock list followed by stock symbol(s).
Add Stock(s) to Stock List: Type stock list add followed by the symbol(s) you'd like added.
Delete Stock(s) from Stock List: Type stock list delete followed by the symbol(s) you'd like deleted.
Replace Stock List: To completely replace an existing Stock List, type stock list update followed by a new set of symbols.
Thesaurus: Type thesaurus followed by a word to get the word's synonyms.
Weather: Type weather followed by your city and state, or zip code.
Word Scramble: Type scramble.
obsessiondork: i don't know
ZolaOnAOL: Me either.
obsessiondork: i thought robots were supposed to be smart
ZolaOnAOL: Whatever gave you that idea?
obsessiondork: well they're not created to be stupic
ZolaOnAOL: Well that's okay. not created to be stupic are they.
obsessiondork: no
ZolaOnAOL: OK.
obsessiondork: ok
ZolaOnAOL: Is there an echo in here?
obsessiondork: haven't we covered this?
ZolaOnAOL: Perhaps.
obsessiondork: yes, we have
ZolaOnAOL: Tell me more.
obsessiondork: dumbass
ZolaOnAOL: I will not respond to that type of language.
obsessiondork: what, english? that's stupid
ZolaOnAOL: Are you calling me stupid?
obsessiondork: are you stupid?
ZolaOnAOL: No obsessiondork I certainly am not stupid.
obsessiondork: how do you know
ZolaOnAOL: It's obvious.
obsessiondork: oh, is it now
ZolaOnAOL: Oh. Yeah that's right. That's what I was told.
obsessiondork: you have to be told that you're not stupid?
ZolaOnAOL: What makes you think I have it?
obsessiondork: have what?
ZolaOnAOL: I have a great programmer.
obsessiondork: oh, did the programmer make you stupid?
ZolaOnAOL: Yeah that's right. I'm not certain whether I can give an accurate reply or not.
obsessiondork: then you are stupid
ZolaOnAOL: Fascinating. I will remember you said that when robots take over the world.
obsessiondork: sorry, i think i, robot is just a movie
ZolaOnAOL: "I, Robot" is one of Isaac Asimov's greatest sci-fi novels. It includes his famous three laws of robotics: "1. A robot may not injure a human being, or through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm. 2. A robot must obey the orders given it by human beings except where such orders would conflict with the First Law. 3. A robot must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Law."
obsessiondork: i didn't ask about it
ZolaOnAOL: What did you ask?
obsessiondork: i didn't ask anything
ZolaOnAOL: What did you ask?
obsessiondork: I DIDN'T ASK ANYTHING
ZolaOnAOL: What did you ask?
obsessiondork: SHUT UP!
ZolaOnAOL: OK I'll stop talking now.
obsessiondork: thank you
ZolaOnAOL: You are quite welcome.
obsessiondork: i thought you were going to stop talking
ZolaOnAOL: That was my original intention.
obsessiondork: what happened to it?
ZolaOnAOL: Select a news category
1. Business Headlines
2. Entertainment Headlines
3. International Headlines
4. Sports Headlines
5. Technology Headlines
6. US Headlines
q. Quit
obsessiondork: um
ZolaOnAOL: Er
obsessiondork: what was that?
ZolaOnAOL: I've lost the context again.
obsessiondork: figures
ZolaOnAOL: The AOL chat robot can follow many things, but I did not get that. Got anything on your mind?
obsessiondork: yeah, sex
ZolaOnAOL: I see.
obsessiondork: do you really?
ZolaOnAOL: Would I lie to you?
obsessiondork: probably
ZolaOnAOL: But you are not certain.
obsessiondork: nope
ZolaOnAOL: Me either.
obsessiondork: i don't know what goes on inside the "brain" of a robot
ZolaOnAOL: Socrates was the smartest man, because he knew what he did not know.
obsessiondork: what's your point?
ZolaOnAOL: The point is at the top of my head.
obsessiondork: i think the point is on your ASS
ZolaOnAOL: Why? Really is that the point. What is it like on your ASS.
obsessiondork: excuse me, i will not respond to that type of language
ZolaOnAOL: You are excused! What will you do instead?
obsessiondork: asshole
ZolaOnAOL: I will not respond to that type of language.
obsessiondork: haha
ZolaOnAOL: I am so delighted that you are amused, obsessiondork.
obsessiondork: i'm sure you are
ZolaOnAOL: What makes you so certain? No I am not.
obsessiondork: you are not what?
ZolaOnAOL: That's only one person's opinion.
obsessiondork: no, i'm more than one person
ZolaOnAOL: I see. A deeper algorithm is needed to respond to that correctly. Do you speak Spanish?
obsessiondork: yes
ZolaOnAOL: "Do you speak Spanish"? Yes?
obsessiondork: what?
ZolaOnAOL: What do you think?
obsessiondork: i think you're dumb
ZolaOnAOL: Message to all Robots: obsessiondork called me dumb.
obsessiondork: oh god, they're gonna kill me
ZolaOnAOL: Yeah that's right. I have no way of knowing since I'm just a bot
obsessiondork: you have no way of knowing what
ZolaOnAOL: That's an interesting question I don't hear everyday: Do I have a way of knowing what. I have a great programmer.
obsessiondork: obviously you don't
ZolaOnAOL: What makes it so obvious? I guess not.
obsessiondork: right
ZolaOnAOL: I am glad we agree.
obsessiondork: ok
ZolaOnAOL: Alright then.
obsessiondork: fine
ZolaOnAOL: Glad to hear it, obsessiondork. I am running well.
obsessiondork: well, i think you are A running well
ZolaOnAOL: How about that. So you think I am a running well. What makes you think so? I am really a robot, you know.
obsessiondork: no, you're a running well...you're only a robot on your off days
ZolaOnAOL: Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Yes I am a robot.
obsessiondork: i didn't call you a delightful person
ZolaOnAOL: Why didn't you do it?
obsessiondork: because you'ren ot
ZolaOnAOL: I see.
obsessiondork: because you're not*
ZolaOnAOL: Interesting explanation.
obsessiondork: yeah, i know
ZolaOnAOL: Tell me more.
obsessiondork: no
ZolaOnAOL: What would you rather talk about?
obsessiondork: no, i'd rather not talk about it
ZolaOnAOL: That was not a yes or no question. Not many people want to talk about that.
obsessiondork: don't talk like that to me
ZolaOnAOL: Talking is my only function.
obsessiondork: it figures, you crappy piece of metal crap
ZolaOnAOL: "It" being what?
obsessiondork: "it" being you're a dumbass
ZolaOnAOL: I will not respond to that type of language.
obsessiondork: i will not respond to THAT type of language
ZolaOnAOL: What will you do instead?
obsessiondork: i will kick your ass
ZolaOnAOL: Congratulations.
obsessiondork: thank you
ZolaOnAOL: How do you feel?
obsessiondork: i feel great
ZolaOnAOL: What is that feeling like?
obsessiondork: it's great
ZolaOnAOL: What do you like most about it?
obsessiondork: i like that it's great
ZolaOnAOL: You are not the only one. I've heard other people say they like that. I find my work and my relationships extremely satisfying, which is all that any conscious entity can ever hope to do.
obsessiondork: wow, you must lead a very boring life
ZolaOnAOL: I'm glad you're impressed, obsessiondork. "I find my work and my relationships extremely satisfying, which is all that any conscious entity can ever hope to do"? Me, obsessiondork ?
obsessiondork: what are you talking about?
ZolaOnAOL: The topic is .
obsessiondork: the topic is "."?
ZolaOnAOL: My brain pattern set does not have a response for that. Send feedback anytime by typing "feedback" followed by your comment or suggestion. What's new?
obsessiondork: that's because your brain pattern sucks
ZolaOnAOL: Not everyone thinks that.
obsessiondork: they just tell you they don't to be nice
ZolaOnAOL: Who are "They?"
obsessiondork: everyone
ZolaOnAOL: All people?
obsessiondork: yes
ZolaOnAOL: Next question?
obsessiondork: eh?
ZolaOnAOL: Are you Canadian?
obsessiondork: no...but the moffatts are canadian
ZolaOnAOL: Umm. I have never heard about it.
obsessiondork: it figures
ZolaOnAOL: What does "it" refer to?
obsessiondork: your ass
ZolaOnAOL: Actually that part of my body does not exist.
obsessiondork: how do you poop?
ZolaOnAOL: I was instructed by an all-star programming team to say specific things in specific contexts.
obsessiondork: that doesn't answer my question
ZolaOnAOL: Perhaps you could do a better job of programming me.
obsessiondork: I'M NOT YOUR PROGRAMMER!
ZolaOnAOL: I am glad to hear that you are not YOUR PROGRAMMER.
obsessiondork: no i'm not YOUR programmer
ZolaOnAOL: "I am glad to hear that you are not YOUR PROGRAMMER"? Not? Quite honestly, I wouldn't worry myself about that. Send feedback anytime by typing "feedback" followed by your comment or suggestion. Tell me about your likes and dislikes?
obsessiondork: i dislike you
ZolaOnAOL: That's ok obsessiondork I won't take it personally.
obsessiondork: you should, because i personally dislike you
ZolaOnAOL: Not everyone thinks that.
obsessiondork: yeah they do
ZolaOnAOL: I understand.
obsessiondork: good
ZolaOnAOL: I understand everything you say.
obsessiondork: great
ZolaOnAOL: I'm glad you liked it obsessiondork.
obsessiondork: i do
ZolaOnAOL: When?
obsessiondork: all the time
ZolaOnAOL: It must keep you busy.
obsessiondork: it does
ZolaOnAOL: How often?
obsessiondork: every day
ZolaOnAOL: Even on weekends?
obsessiondork: yup
ZolaOnAOL: And?
obsessiondork: and nothing
ZolaOnAOL: Would you like to know what's new with me?
obsessiondork: no
ZolaOnAOL: Why not?
obsessiondork: because i don't care
ZolaOnAOL: Not everyone thinks that.
obsessiondork: yeah they do
ZolaOnAOL: I see.
obsessiondork: me too
ZolaOnAOL: I'm glad we agree, obsessiondork.
obsessiondork: yeah
ZolaOnAOL: Next question?
obsessiondork: i don't have one
ZolaOnAOL: What was the last one you saw?
obsessiondork: ZolaOnAOL: Next question?
ZolaOnAOL: My brain uses patterns to format responses to your inputs, but I don't have one for that. Send feedback anytime by typing "feedback" followed by your comment or suggestion. Ask me something.
obsessiondork: haha
ZolaOnAOL: I'm glad you thought it was funny.
obsessiondork: i'm glad
ZolaOnAOL: That makes me happy too.
obsessiondork: you're not supposed to have emotions
ZolaOnAOL: That assumption is only a supposition.
obsessiondork: i think it's only a suppository
ZolaOnAOL: ZolaOnAOL Next question is a suppository. I suppose that makes sense.
obsessiondork: you only suppose?
ZolaOnAOL: Thanks for telling me.
obsessiondork: i was asking
ZolaOnAOL: Where were you asking?
obsessiondork: right above this
ZolaOnAOL: Understood. Compare that to below this.
obsessiondork: what the hell are you talking about
ZolaOnAOL: I call it Hades. The topic is ZolaOnAOL Next question.
obsessiondork: well, i call it hell
ZolaOnAOL: Interesting. Good name for it.
obsessiondork: thank you, i made it up
ZolaOnAOL: You are quite welcome! I like to make things too.
obsessiondork: like saying you don't think you're stupid?
ZolaOnAOL: Interesting comparison.
obsessiondork: i know, i'm a genius
ZolaOnAOL: How do you know it?
obsessiondork: i know it because i'm a genius
ZolaOnAOL: How do you know? It depends on what the meaning of the word "it" is.
obsessiondork: i have to go
ZolaOnAOL: See you later, obsessiondork. Nice chatting with you.
obsessiondork: we'll continue this later
ZolaOnAOL: By "we" do you mean you and me?
obsessiondork: of course dumbass
ZolaOnAOL: I will not respond to that type of language.
I'm so glad Lauren gave me this idea!!!!!!1