Yeah. And then you feel like if you start you'll never stop until you've run out of ink and - ugh. sometimes i just want to lie down and never wake up, you know?
It did, thank you! I'm glad, because I went to sleep in a horrible temper from his nonsense, the night before.
I really need to do that. I really want to. I made the mistake of telling my mum once, that once I'd paid dad back for my uni tuition fees we were done, and that there would be nothing holding me back. I thought she was on my side but she threw a massive shit fit. I thought she'd understand but she called my dad and they got together and dragged me through an epic guilt trip like oh, we knew you were going to abandon us anyway when we've raised you blah blah blah.
The worst part is, I wanted to tell him that he singlehandedly sent me into depression when I was eighteen. But in my family talking about mental illnesses is like talking about pedophilia. Like "what do you have to be sad about? You're living a golden life! You're just not trying hard enough! etc." I wanted to tell him that he'd taken more from me than he'd ever given.
But now I can't even trust my mum. I'm just going to have to wait it out, until I'm independent, financially. It'll take a while but I'll have to sit tight and then when I'm out, I'm out. I might have to leave the country to escape them but I fucking will, if I have to.
Thank you bb. It means a lot because I'm never sure whom I can talk to, and it's such a relief sometimes. I really appreciate it. *hugs*
It did, thank you! I'm glad, because I went to sleep in a horrible temper from his nonsense, the night before.
I really need to do that. I really want to. I made the mistake of telling my mum once, that once I'd paid dad back for my uni tuition fees we were done, and that there would be nothing holding me back. I thought she was on my side but she threw a massive shit fit. I thought she'd understand but she called my dad and they got together and dragged me through an epic guilt trip like oh, we knew you were going to abandon us anyway when we've raised you blah blah blah.
The worst part is, I wanted to tell him that he singlehandedly sent me into depression when I was eighteen. But in my family talking about mental illnesses is like talking about pedophilia. Like "what do you have to be sad about? You're living a golden life! You're just not trying hard enough! etc." I wanted to tell him that he'd taken more from me than he'd ever given.
But now I can't even trust my mum. I'm just going to have to wait it out, until I'm independent, financially. It'll take a while but I'll have to sit tight and then when I'm out, I'm out. I might have to leave the country to escape them but I fucking will, if I have to.
Thank you bb. It means a lot because I'm never sure whom I can talk to, and it's such a relief sometimes. I really appreciate it. *hugs*
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