HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!
TODAY IS THE DAY.
(I swore I'd keep the crazy in Tumblr, and off LJ, but it's not going to happen sorry not sorry)
TODAY IS THE DAY THAT WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR, FOR TWO YEARS.
(you should leave now if you really want to)
THIS IS THE DAY WE THOUGHT WOULD NEVER COME. THE DAY THAT WE THOUGHT WE WOULD NEVER LIVE TO SEE THE LIGHT OF. (what the fuck was that sentence I need to sleep)
It's been a tough year. A very tough year. Shit has gone down and not a single person I know has remained untouched. (Christ my brain is going places)
2013 has been, if you'll pardon my french, a FUCKING BITCH. That's not to say that it's been all bad, of course. Many good things have happened to. New experiences, new friends, new successes. But it's been tough all the same, because nothing worth having ever falls into your lap. And if I've learned a single lesson from 2013, that's it; that you gotta work for it.
So in 2014, I'm going to work for it. I've always been a hard worker, and I'm going to keep it up. But I'm going to work hard at learning other things too. I want to write more, this year. Last year was the poorest year for my writing, in a looong time. I wrote more fic even while I was doing my A levels. Maybe not in terms of word counts, but in terms of ideas that I developed and actually published. So my first aim this year is to write more.
Also, I want to stop comparing myself with people. That fucking sucks. I need to stop. It's not like my peers have any magical secret knowledge that's going to advantage them or something. They're just figuring it out, like I am. They're doing what's best for them, and I gotta do what's best for me. I know me better than anyone else does. I'm not going to take that shit, this year. I'm done with the comparisons.
I want to stop hating myself this year. I want to wake up every morning and look in the mirror and say, "I am strong. I am beautiful. I am clever. I am capable." And I want it to not be a lie - I want to believe it. I can bullshit with the best of them, but when it comes down to it, I want to love myself more. Because I think if I love myself more, I'll believe that other people can love me too.
I want to be a little bit healthier. Maybe try some sort of low-impact thing like Yoga. I want to at least try it.
I want to learn to focus. I'm done with having the attention span of a small child. I want to be able to focus, with ease. It's a habit, and I'm going to learn it. I'm also going to learn how to have a photographic memory if it's the last thing I do. I want to be more organised. I'm fairly good as it is, but I want to be more so. I want to have timetables in my head, because that'd be useful, I think.
I want to stop being jerked around by this guy. I was just thinking that I was getting over him, because I haven't seen him in almost a month now. I sent him a New Years message and he said I'd beat him to it by three seconds, and that he missed me. He said, via text, that he missed me. But he has a girlfriend. I don't know what he wants, and it's confusing me. I want to tell myself to stop, but I keep thinking about it, and you know what? FUCK THAT. I'm not a telepath, as much as I'd like to be one. Until he makes it very clear that he's available, I'm done playing games.
That's a lot of things but you know what? I'm perfectly capable of it. If I put my mind to it, I am capable of anything.
Next in the agenda: SHERLOCK S3.
OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD OH MY GOD THIS IS NOT A DRILL. I REPEAT, THIS IS NOT A DRILL. SCREEEEEEEECH. Tumblr's already losing it's shit. I can't even handle thinking about it oh my gOD.
Okay yeah, I'm going to go to bed now. So once again, I love you guys. Like, a lot. You all have been here for me when I've felt the most alone. You've listened to my bullshit and you've given me virtual shoulders to cry on. I'm dead seriously when I say I don't know whether I'd have survived this hell without you.
But it's only going to get harder. And I know ya'll have got my back, just like I've got yours.
So, 2014?
Also, ya'll might want to start the year with this video. I'm crying good tears because of it.
Click to view