Oh.
I don't like not knowing where I stand with people. I think I may have pissed off the one person who is the most important without even realising it.
I've also come to the conclusion that I am not a nice person. Not that I was ever in doubt that I was a nice person, I've done something quite rotten to someone recently that's confirmed this for me. I thought I knew what I wanted, but when I had it I realised that I didn't want it anymore. I obsess over small and irrelevant things and then my vanity, my judgemental and selfish nature comes into play and decides things for me even though in the grand scheme of things they don't really matter.
My indecisiveness is something that is more often than not a curse, rather than a blessing. Infact, I can't remember a time when it was a blessing. Hmm. I just hope that it's something that I can work on not to do, rather than doing the same thing over and over again and hurting more people.
I just feel so guilty because I'm thinking about how bad I feel, when he's probably feeling worse. Like I have established, I'm very selfish.
The only good thing to come out of this is the fact that I'm now free.
But I'm still worried..
I've also come to the conclusion that I am not a nice person. Not that I was ever in doubt that I was a nice person, I've done something quite rotten to someone recently that's confirmed this for me. I thought I knew what I wanted, but when I had it I realised that I didn't want it anymore. I obsess over small and irrelevant things and then my vanity, my judgemental and selfish nature comes into play and decides things for me even though in the grand scheme of things they don't really matter.
My indecisiveness is something that is more often than not a curse, rather than a blessing. Infact, I can't remember a time when it was a blessing. Hmm. I just hope that it's something that I can work on not to do, rather than doing the same thing over and over again and hurting more people.
I just feel so guilty because I'm thinking about how bad I feel, when he's probably feeling worse. Like I have established, I'm very selfish.
The only good thing to come out of this is the fact that I'm now free.
But I'm still worried..