(no subject)
I'm taking this opportunity to air some shit about how I've been treating myself, but good news, this has a HAPPY ENDING
See, for a long time i've been falling into this logic trap of "Well, if I was someone who deserves love, popularity etc, it would have happened by now. The fact that it hasn't just goes to show i'm a worthless human being." Funnily enough telling yourself you're worthless every moment of day causes a deep fog of gloom to settle over you, where you think everything you do is, and will always be, wrong. "Oh i'm such a loser, I have no friends etc etc etc" despite all evidence to the contrary, IE my friends.
And yet the past couple of day's i've been having a paradigm shift. Oddly, this epiphany was triggered by the Satanic Bible. Who knew?
Now I can't help but think to myself "Why the fuck did I think that?" I'm a human being just like everyone else, I walk around and do stuff, i'm awkward sure but so's everyone else, and furthermore i'm not only not an awful person i'm actually kind of cool at times. Hell, in high-school I was actually popular. Not just with my dope-smoking skater bros but with everyone!* At parties and things I actually make a good impression on people**, and those of my friends I see little of in real life - and thus aren't subjected to my occasional woe-is-me-isms - actually think i'm cool. Heck, one person*** refers to me as "the watcher", and if you're being compared to Giles, you're doing OK.
Sure, approval and popularity are by definition based around what other people think about you, but I was never going to be popular with everyone. Who would want to be, anyway? Plus all the cool people I know got where they are today by not following the crowd and, at long last, I can count myself among you. Yes you - you guys all count.
And funnily enough when I forget to put myself down, I have a certain flair. Those of you who know me IRL will know I have an..... unorthodox approach to clothes. Cheapness obliges me to do most of my clothes shopping at Charity stores, and overall I tend to go with what will stand out. There is of course a moment before I go out where I stand in front of the mirror in the usual attire - old tweed jacket, white collar, snappy tie, fedora and what have been dubbed my "Evil John Lennon" sunglasses - and think "What the fuck am I doing?............. Being cool!"
Between being in a sweaty nightclub shouting over the music to people I only know because I get drunk with them, and strolling down the street freaking out the squares? No. Contest.
*Well, everyone over the age of 16, staff included. The youngins just threw bricks at me.
**This is A) People, IE grownups and not loutish post-teens demanding that I "stop being so uptight", and B) Parties, with wine and conversation, not nightclubs with sticky floors, loud music and overpriced booze. Tell i'm bitter about Uni socializing yet?
****Actually, this one person reads my LJ..... hooo crap
See, for a long time i've been falling into this logic trap of "Well, if I was someone who deserves love, popularity etc, it would have happened by now. The fact that it hasn't just goes to show i'm a worthless human being." Funnily enough telling yourself you're worthless every moment of day causes a deep fog of gloom to settle over you, where you think everything you do is, and will always be, wrong. "Oh i'm such a loser, I have no friends etc etc etc" despite all evidence to the contrary, IE my friends.
And yet the past couple of day's i've been having a paradigm shift. Oddly, this epiphany was triggered by the Satanic Bible. Who knew?
Now I can't help but think to myself "Why the fuck did I think that?" I'm a human being just like everyone else, I walk around and do stuff, i'm awkward sure but so's everyone else, and furthermore i'm not only not an awful person i'm actually kind of cool at times. Hell, in high-school I was actually popular. Not just with my dope-smoking skater bros but with everyone!* At parties and things I actually make a good impression on people**, and those of my friends I see little of in real life - and thus aren't subjected to my occasional woe-is-me-isms - actually think i'm cool. Heck, one person*** refers to me as "the watcher", and if you're being compared to Giles, you're doing OK.
Sure, approval and popularity are by definition based around what other people think about you, but I was never going to be popular with everyone. Who would want to be, anyway? Plus all the cool people I know got where they are today by not following the crowd and, at long last, I can count myself among you. Yes you - you guys all count.
And funnily enough when I forget to put myself down, I have a certain flair. Those of you who know me IRL will know I have an..... unorthodox approach to clothes. Cheapness obliges me to do most of my clothes shopping at Charity stores, and overall I tend to go with what will stand out. There is of course a moment before I go out where I stand in front of the mirror in the usual attire - old tweed jacket, white collar, snappy tie, fedora and what have been dubbed my "Evil John Lennon" sunglasses - and think "What the fuck am I doing?............. Being cool!"
Between being in a sweaty nightclub shouting over the music to people I only know because I get drunk with them, and strolling down the street freaking out the squares? No. Contest.
*Well, everyone over the age of 16, staff included. The youngins just threw bricks at me.
**This is A) People, IE grownups and not loutish post-teens demanding that I "stop being so uptight", and B) Parties, with wine and conversation, not nightclubs with sticky floors, loud music and overpriced booze. Tell i'm bitter about Uni socializing yet?
****Actually, this one person reads my LJ..... hooo crap