Lenora's Birth Part 3
I was waiting and waiting to go to the OR. So excited to see my little girl. Scared. But up beat. At this point they separate me from my support system - Elaine and Erik. I think nothing of it at the time, but upon reflection, I think its dumb. Yes, I understand things have to be sterile etc. But why must my husband wait beyond the doors until my anethesiologist says its okay? Stupid. So this is one of the more fragile moments. I climb onto the table and sit there and look around and start sobbing uncontrollably. I think all of the memories of Faelyn's birth come back all of my fears - and no one there to help me through this moment. Its kind of surreal and sterile. I try really hard not to look at the instruments.
The anethesiologist starts doing her thing. She calls me a good girl as I take my needle. She is very kind and loving. One of the more kind and loving people at the hospital. She is tender. She tells me I am doing everything right. Nurses pat me. I lay back and feel like I am rolling off the table. She adjusts the medicine. For one moment I get really super scared and sick feeling. This is also the medicine. They finally let Erik in. I tell him how gorgeous he looks in the scrubs and then suddenly a vison superimposes itself over the whole scene. Let me explain.
While I was pregnant - and to this day - I see Elaine for acupuncture. We did a lot of vision quests. I was scared to go have the baby and we took a journey. I was walking on a path - the veryone I used to take myself on growing up when I was trying to mentally find my way. Only this time a brook trickled by and a fish swam at pace with me, jumping a long gleefully. I was told that my protectors would show up. And sure enough this winged Lion strides next to me and then a giant hand. The Giant hand is my dad's hand. I take it. we walk. There is a hill and at the top of the hill there is what I called a Woman Shaped Hole in the universe. Radiating awesomeness. Next to this hole there is a stereotypical indian brave. Standing astride his white horse, sinewy and lovely, waiting for me.
When I looked at Erik I remember saying "You're the brave" and he said some thing like "yes honey, you are very brave." But I realized in that moment that he was the BRAVE and suddenly the whole journey was coming. This was almost at the moment when they pulled Lenora from me. I felt a whoosh and then she cried - right away. The doctor held her over the blind so I could see her. the nurses laughed and Dr. Tam said "Mama wanted to see a gooey baby" And so I did. She looked like she was covered in ectoplasam - like when they come through the TV at the end of Polterguist. And she had a full head of black hair. She was quite large. But not 11 pounds. She was beautiful I kissed her little face and let them take care of us.
It was immediately apparent that something was up. Erik went to the nursery with "the baby" and I went to recovery.
More soon.
The anethesiologist starts doing her thing. She calls me a good girl as I take my needle. She is very kind and loving. One of the more kind and loving people at the hospital. She is tender. She tells me I am doing everything right. Nurses pat me. I lay back and feel like I am rolling off the table. She adjusts the medicine. For one moment I get really super scared and sick feeling. This is also the medicine. They finally let Erik in. I tell him how gorgeous he looks in the scrubs and then suddenly a vison superimposes itself over the whole scene. Let me explain.
While I was pregnant - and to this day - I see Elaine for acupuncture. We did a lot of vision quests. I was scared to go have the baby and we took a journey. I was walking on a path - the veryone I used to take myself on growing up when I was trying to mentally find my way. Only this time a brook trickled by and a fish swam at pace with me, jumping a long gleefully. I was told that my protectors would show up. And sure enough this winged Lion strides next to me and then a giant hand. The Giant hand is my dad's hand. I take it. we walk. There is a hill and at the top of the hill there is what I called a Woman Shaped Hole in the universe. Radiating awesomeness. Next to this hole there is a stereotypical indian brave. Standing astride his white horse, sinewy and lovely, waiting for me.
When I looked at Erik I remember saying "You're the brave" and he said some thing like "yes honey, you are very brave." But I realized in that moment that he was the BRAVE and suddenly the whole journey was coming. This was almost at the moment when they pulled Lenora from me. I felt a whoosh and then she cried - right away. The doctor held her over the blind so I could see her. the nurses laughed and Dr. Tam said "Mama wanted to see a gooey baby" And so I did. She looked like she was covered in ectoplasam - like when they come through the TV at the end of Polterguist. And she had a full head of black hair. She was quite large. But not 11 pounds. She was beautiful I kissed her little face and let them take care of us.
It was immediately apparent that something was up. Erik went to the nursery with "the baby" and I went to recovery.
More soon.