Upon turning Three
Dearest Faelyn.
What a year we have had. Lots of it taken up with learning about the baby and getting ready for the baby. But my how you have grown. The difference in you over this year is astonishing. I love our conversations and how you tell stories. I love how you make up words to songs just like I do. I love your capacity for learning and how there never seems to be enough. I wish I would have made you nap and that we talked about potty more. You entering year four still in diapers is upsetting only because I think you would like the independence of the potty, and I think that now you need that nap. You have spent 70% of this year insisting that you are a kitty. Kitties have overwhelmed us. But I think its pretty cute, sometimes. Although Kitty baths, I could maybe do without.
Everything is about learning now. I am in shock when you count to 10 in spanish and english and seem to know how many there are of something. Or when you can climb to the top of anything. Sommersaults and bikes with pedals. I love how you call me Mama. I love how you run for your Daddy when he comes home as if he were the worlds most precious man, which he is. to me and to you. I love how you are remembering things, and how your eyes light up when you get excited.
I am in huge admiration at your capacity for love and care. I love how you know when people need hugs and kisses. And that you are such a cuddle bun.
Sometimes, you infuriate me. You have spent a lot of time in the corner. I am sorry about that, but I am trying to keep you safe. I am sorry when I yell, and I am trying to get better. I know shouting doesn't help. We are all growing and learning. You are teaching me so much about being a free spirit. I know you burn brightly. I am trying to teach you how not to be extinguished. How to function in the world with its rules that you do not understand or have use for. Its hard baby, but we will get through it. Even as I write this you are "crying" in your room. You don't want to take a nap and you are making yourself cry. This is not fun for me. This is the hard part.
You told me that your hair would stay golden for a while. I love that you know you have golden hair. I love your curls. I love your creamy skin, You are remarkably beautiful. If only you would take direction, we'd have you in print.
I love also how sometimes you tell me about the future or the past, as if it is existing right now. I don't know if you know... but it is a mystical experience.
I must also say something about your sister. I was terrified when I found out the baby was a girl. Terrified that you would suffer some of what I have. But it seems like you are taking it well. You love her, and you are jealous and we are finding ways to spend alone time together. But your capacity for care and love seems to have blossomed. You are a caring and loving sister and I hope that you are enriched by having her.
I love you my beautiful first born. This is going to be a hard year - we have lots to learn. But we will be strong, and we will grow together. I cannot wait to see what comes next.
Love you,
Mama
What a year we have had. Lots of it taken up with learning about the baby and getting ready for the baby. But my how you have grown. The difference in you over this year is astonishing. I love our conversations and how you tell stories. I love how you make up words to songs just like I do. I love your capacity for learning and how there never seems to be enough. I wish I would have made you nap and that we talked about potty more. You entering year four still in diapers is upsetting only because I think you would like the independence of the potty, and I think that now you need that nap. You have spent 70% of this year insisting that you are a kitty. Kitties have overwhelmed us. But I think its pretty cute, sometimes. Although Kitty baths, I could maybe do without.
Everything is about learning now. I am in shock when you count to 10 in spanish and english and seem to know how many there are of something. Or when you can climb to the top of anything. Sommersaults and bikes with pedals. I love how you call me Mama. I love how you run for your Daddy when he comes home as if he were the worlds most precious man, which he is. to me and to you. I love how you are remembering things, and how your eyes light up when you get excited.
I am in huge admiration at your capacity for love and care. I love how you know when people need hugs and kisses. And that you are such a cuddle bun.
Sometimes, you infuriate me. You have spent a lot of time in the corner. I am sorry about that, but I am trying to keep you safe. I am sorry when I yell, and I am trying to get better. I know shouting doesn't help. We are all growing and learning. You are teaching me so much about being a free spirit. I know you burn brightly. I am trying to teach you how not to be extinguished. How to function in the world with its rules that you do not understand or have use for. Its hard baby, but we will get through it. Even as I write this you are "crying" in your room. You don't want to take a nap and you are making yourself cry. This is not fun for me. This is the hard part.
You told me that your hair would stay golden for a while. I love that you know you have golden hair. I love your curls. I love your creamy skin, You are remarkably beautiful. If only you would take direction, we'd have you in print.
I love also how sometimes you tell me about the future or the past, as if it is existing right now. I don't know if you know... but it is a mystical experience.
I must also say something about your sister. I was terrified when I found out the baby was a girl. Terrified that you would suffer some of what I have. But it seems like you are taking it well. You love her, and you are jealous and we are finding ways to spend alone time together. But your capacity for care and love seems to have blossomed. You are a caring and loving sister and I hope that you are enriched by having her.
I love you my beautiful first born. This is going to be a hard year - we have lots to learn. But we will be strong, and we will grow together. I cannot wait to see what comes next.
Love you,
Mama