I hope my dreams and inspirations
ohhhh today is a crucial day in my soccer career. :( (or maybe lack there of)
My knee. It's awful. I hate it. Anybody want to just slice the baby off for me? pretty please?
God. It hurts. It kills. I can't do anything at practice. I run and it hurts so bad that I choke back stupid whimpy tears from my eyes.
I go to the trainer. She kept wanting to move my knee caps around. I told her she would have to knock me out before I would allow that. I have a phobia with my knees. I don't know what it is. I just cannot touch my knee caps, or let other people touch them. It freaks me out. :p
But I tried to let her. She said that my legs were to tense, that I needed to ease up, but I was trying to keep them very relaxed. She said they were just really tight. Um... we still dont know what the cause of my pain is. New turf, running on different surfaces could have agravated it. My tendons could have gotten sore/torn, and are now "infalmed" INFLAMED?!!!?! that just sounds horrible.
So i have been waiting for soccer season to start, since my last game last year. And it made me cry on my way home from practice. I WANT TO PLAY. that's all I want. I love to play. It's not even so much the game. It's just getting physically competitive and being good at it that I like so much. I found something that I really love to do. And here is this stupid problem, that I can't over come.
I would do the sprints if I could, the endurance runs, the suicides. It just hurts soooo much. I have a good tolerance for pain, at least for a girl my age. I can tolerate a lot, just block it out of my mind, but this just hurts too much. I can't do it, and that just stresses me out.
I iced it for three hours after school, then took a hot bath, and then put a heating pad on it for about 45 minutes.
I took two asprin, and an ibeuphrin (spel!?) and I still feel it.
I just had a dream on Saturday night that I had cancer in my knee, (same one that hurts), and I had to get it amputated... that just scares me.
So ya... I'm depressed about that. I only cried so much because its that time of the month soon, and my hormones were taking advantage of my emotions. Even when I told my mom later when she got home what was going on I got all choked up. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!
I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it.
Where's my towel? I think I'm going to throw it in. I'm in the ring of life, and I just can't put up a fight. My opponent? Fait. And she's ready to kick my butt :(
well it's 9:30 so of course it's time for bed already, because I am that tired. Except i shouldn't be from today, because I didn't do a damn thing worth anything.
I'm just awful. horrible.
Some kid from my bible class called me a bible freak. He didn't mean it as an insult, but the way he said it made it seem like it was a bad thing... even though I'm not a bible freak. I wish I read the bible enough to be called that. He said "because you always know the answers" or something like that. I came up with a good come back later.. "I just speak from my heart, I didn't get any of that from pricate catholic schools" which is funny. Only public schooled kid in the group, and they all think I know all this stuff because I stuff my nose in a bible... kind of insulting themselves.
I dont know how that makes me feel. Makes me realise a lot. That people just take easy ways out. They aren't devoted to anything. No commitment. Nobody really is these days. No ones passionate about stuff.
I'm full of passion, but I'm saving it (the romantic passion that is). I have passion for my faith, I am passionate about soccer and about the elementary kids at my internship. We all need to slow down.
We need to stop. And just take in our moments. Realise what we have.
Alright I'm done with all that, I just stepped down from my soap box, and I'm ready for bed.
Nights
My knee. It's awful. I hate it. Anybody want to just slice the baby off for me? pretty please?
God. It hurts. It kills. I can't do anything at practice. I run and it hurts so bad that I choke back stupid whimpy tears from my eyes.
I go to the trainer. She kept wanting to move my knee caps around. I told her she would have to knock me out before I would allow that. I have a phobia with my knees. I don't know what it is. I just cannot touch my knee caps, or let other people touch them. It freaks me out. :p
But I tried to let her. She said that my legs were to tense, that I needed to ease up, but I was trying to keep them very relaxed. She said they were just really tight. Um... we still dont know what the cause of my pain is. New turf, running on different surfaces could have agravated it. My tendons could have gotten sore/torn, and are now "infalmed" INFLAMED?!!!?! that just sounds horrible.
So i have been waiting for soccer season to start, since my last game last year. And it made me cry on my way home from practice. I WANT TO PLAY. that's all I want. I love to play. It's not even so much the game. It's just getting physically competitive and being good at it that I like so much. I found something that I really love to do. And here is this stupid problem, that I can't over come.
I would do the sprints if I could, the endurance runs, the suicides. It just hurts soooo much. I have a good tolerance for pain, at least for a girl my age. I can tolerate a lot, just block it out of my mind, but this just hurts too much. I can't do it, and that just stresses me out.
I iced it for three hours after school, then took a hot bath, and then put a heating pad on it for about 45 minutes.
I took two asprin, and an ibeuphrin (spel!?) and I still feel it.
I just had a dream on Saturday night that I had cancer in my knee, (same one that hurts), and I had to get it amputated... that just scares me.
So ya... I'm depressed about that. I only cried so much because its that time of the month soon, and my hormones were taking advantage of my emotions. Even when I told my mom later when she got home what was going on I got all choked up. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!
I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it.
Where's my towel? I think I'm going to throw it in. I'm in the ring of life, and I just can't put up a fight. My opponent? Fait. And she's ready to kick my butt :(
well it's 9:30 so of course it's time for bed already, because I am that tired. Except i shouldn't be from today, because I didn't do a damn thing worth anything.
I'm just awful. horrible.
Some kid from my bible class called me a bible freak. He didn't mean it as an insult, but the way he said it made it seem like it was a bad thing... even though I'm not a bible freak. I wish I read the bible enough to be called that. He said "because you always know the answers" or something like that. I came up with a good come back later.. "I just speak from my heart, I didn't get any of that from pricate catholic schools" which is funny. Only public schooled kid in the group, and they all think I know all this stuff because I stuff my nose in a bible... kind of insulting themselves.
I dont know how that makes me feel. Makes me realise a lot. That people just take easy ways out. They aren't devoted to anything. No commitment. Nobody really is these days. No ones passionate about stuff.
I'm full of passion, but I'm saving it (the romantic passion that is). I have passion for my faith, I am passionate about soccer and about the elementary kids at my internship. We all need to slow down.
We need to stop. And just take in our moments. Realise what we have.
Alright I'm done with all that, I just stepped down from my soap box, and I'm ready for bed.
Nights