Hi I'm crazy...
""We watched the season pull up its on stakes
And catched the last weekend of the last week
Before the gold and glimmer have been replaced
Another sun soaked season fades away."'
I guess that it is a posibility. I wouldn't put anything past me at this point. I have never really felt this way in my life. I'm not really sure what to do anymore. I can't just sit back and watch things fly by me, but at the same time I don't really have the choice to do anything about it for the most part.
I'm helpless. He is hurting and there is nothing I can do. I have never wanted to do something so much in my life. I just want to take away his pain and let him be able to walk again. I want to be able to go for a stroll, talk to him in person, hold his hand, kiss him with out watching who is around me, but most of all I want to be able to hold him everynight. It is selfish and I know it, but you know what I deserve it and so does he. We have done/gone through so much at such a young age and if there were ever a time that we should get some good fucking Karma now would be the time.
I'm tired of everything screwing me over as soon as it starts to look good for me. I think «Hey, I'm doing well as a soldier right now, my grades are poppin' and I have a wonderful relationship.» After all of that happens something has to go wrong. I mean, Eric gets sick, I learn I can't handle stress, something if anything happens to throw a huge freaking monkey wrench into the big wheel of greatness that is my life.
On top of it all, I'm the go to guy still. I don't really care about everyones life right now. I care about mine and Eric's. I am being selfish. I'm NEVER selfish. I just want to focus on me. I don't care if you're pissy. I can't do anything to help you if you can't seem to find a way to help yourself. Stop looking in the same places for answers. It isn't working, and you know what, I don't know how you made it this long like that anyways. Welcome to reality. It bites blows.
I have an appointment on 01 JUL 08 for Behaveral Health. I'm kinda nervous about it because they could say I'm not fit for duty or that I should be discharged but at the same time I kinda want it to happen. I think life would be a little easier if I were a civilian again. I just don't know anything anymore and I want it all to get better. I want life to have the fairytale ending I was always avoiding.
I'm in love...
I'm not pushing him away...
I'm embracing my emotions...
I'm being ripped apart...
I have the best damn life I could imagine...
I'm loved more then I ever have been...
I'm the luckiest man I know...
''I watch you spin around in the highest heels
You are the best one, of the best ones
We all look like we feel
You have stolen my
You have stolen my heart''
[EDIT] It is amazing what apologies can do. I didn't mean to throw you under the bus on this, it have just been really stressed and I know you have been too, but friends are important. It is easy to take it all out on them becasue they are always there and they won't go anywhere...They are forever. [/EDIT]