ridiculous attempt at sanity
this will hopefully be my last time even speaking of her again. ive decided im going to just simply pretend she never existed. its not like theres hope for our future or this can be saved or whatever bullshit is in line for whats happening with this ending. its as simple as she not being able to provide what i need and not willing to attempt to give me what i deserve. i didnt fail her or our love, and i will walk away learning that love can be painful, and it sometimes love isnt all you need, and that no matter how badly you want something in your heart, sometimes you just will not get it. there should be a disclaimer about free will of others in phrases like if you want something bad it enough youll get it, because that shit will fuck with your head. im not going to let myself be upset and emotional, theres no point at all to it, this is where the spilt milk line comes in. its like fuck man just clean it up, TOSS IT OUT, and get yourself another glass of milk right? and i could spend time being angry at her and saying mean things and think about her all the time and tell other people how horrible she was and made me feel, but then theres all that time i spend being mad and thinking about her and shes just out there being the town bicycle and not giving a fuck loving it that im still all about her in any sense. but then theres the fact that i could take all that time, and do some kick ass shit and meet some new people and i dont need to have a grrl or anything, im the one whos actually going to be free because i dont have the kind of guilt shes going to weighing me down. and me doing that and her seeing me with other people, its going to make her blood boil, because it always does. the sad part is just how selfish she really is makes her suffer more. she admittedly has said she partly asked me out so no one else could have me[selfish note 1] but cheated on me to express to me she doesnt want to be with me anymore[selfish note 2] because it was easier than talking to me to say that, she wanted to have casual sex with people in an open relationship[selfish note 3] but knew id flip shit and say hell no[i would have exactly] so now she feels like a jerk, lost me entirely, and is clearly jealous when she sees me with other grrls which she knows she will now that im single. you cant have your cake and eat it too!! ok so here goes nothing and lets see how long i can stick with this! [/erasing data files]