10 Fics in 10 Days: Day 3
“This is-“
“-a bad idea.”
“Very, very bad.”
“Incredibly-“
“-bad.”
He laughed, a rumble in his chest, and she kissed him.
Camille always knew what to say when it came to him.
She knows his mind has been somewhere else, but now, right now, it’s not.
Because there’s Camille, and GOD. Camille, and she’s still wearing that perfume - what was it called? - it was like sex in a bottle, a little blue bottle, and he never remembered the name, but that didn’t matter, as long as she remembered to wear it.
She always remembered.
There are things he shouldn’t think about, and sex with Camille is probably one of them, but damn, that shot’s been fired, so to hell with it.
To hell with all of it. Because she knows, thinking about this? It’s a lot easier than his thinking about the other thing.
So, this is how Seeley and Camille started the second time.
*
Camille Saroyan met Seeley Booth in their early twenties. He was the hottest thing she’d ever seen, tall, broad, a good Catholic boy who was really, really good (except for when she really, really didn’t want him to be).
It was hot, and fast, and really, they were always better off friends with benefits. No one got hurt, no one got changed, no one got anything, except for what they wanted.
When it was over, no one cried, but they both felt like they had someone they would always remember fondly.
They always did.
So when she waltzed through the doors of the Jeffersonian, and he called her Camille again, and she called him Seeley, she knew - it was only a matter of time.
Because for all of the things he’d been through, he was still a good Catholic boy who really wouldn’t mind if someone wanted him to be a little bit bad.
Holsters and combed hair would never, ever change that, and she knew it, and he knew she knew it.
It was only a matter of time.
*
“You know, we’re not-“
“Really?”
“Yeah.”
“God, why not?”
“We’re just…partners. Friends. It’s not like that.”
“If you’re just friends, I’m the Queen of England.”
“Camille-“
“Seeley-“
“I’ve just gotten to the point where she half-way likes me. If I just step in and-“
“And what?”
“I don’t know, you tell me.”
“There’s nothing to tell.”
“Seeley, if you’ve really deluded yourself into thinking that....”
“I haven’t deluded myself about anything.”
“I don’t believe you.”
“Then why don’t you let me show you.”
“I’m not 23 anymore. You can’t just smile at me and get me to drop my panties.”
“I can do a whole lot more than smile.”
*
That’s what they did. It was casual, and fun, and nothing that ever seemed like it would be permanent.
It was a way to pass the time; it felt like waiting.
For something.
They have a date one night, and she’s waiting for him. She looks up at the landing in the lab, and she sees him.
Him, with her.
They’re smiling at one another, and while Seeley could do a whole lot more than smile…well, if he smiled like that at her-
At anyone-
He wouldn’t have any problems getting them to drop their panties.
But that woman, she wouldn’t.
His eyes caught Camille’s, and all she could do was laugh at him.
This was fun. And casual.
It felt like waiting.
Waiting for the things they were supposed to be doing.
What he failed to recognize was, he’d already found his thing.
Camille decided she’d just wait until he figured that out.
She had as much time to pass as anyone.
*
They’re at dinner, talking about at trip to New York they’d never take (they both knew, they’d never take it, but talking is another good way to pass the time), and the phone rings.
Camille has never felt like the other woman before, but right now, she does.
She’s never seen Seeley like this. When he cares about someone, he does it relentlessly. But he’s still not someone who wears his heart on his sleeve. She knows things about Seeley Booth, things he wouldn’t tell people, things he hasn’t told people, but she only knows them because she’s been around for them. He usually keeps everything in check.
But with the knowledge that Dr. Brennan is underground, trapped…with the knowledge that she may die, he is unhinged. Within a span of about 15 hours, she sees the things he is willing to do when he loves someone. He risks his job without thought. He would risk his life, but there’s no opportunity for it, and it frustrates him. He threatens the lives of others. He bangs on an LCD screen, screaming at his friends. He runs through the sand and digs at it, frantic, wild, and the moment he sees her…
The moment he sees Dr. Brennan, it’s like he comes back.
She looks at the two of them, smiling at one another, and she can’t help but smile, too.
This thing, with her and Seeley, it’s never going to be long-lasting love, with the promise of forever.
But the thing with he and Dr. Brennan?
Standing in the sand, hot, sleep deprived, but as relieved as she’s ever felt, her mind is wild and running with thoughts, but the one that she feels when she looks at the two of them together is this:
She’s never felt like the other woman, but right now, she does.
*
After that, she knows, it’s only a matter of time.
Until Seeley realizes what he must know deep down.
Until Dr. Brennan realizes it, too.
Until Camille and Seeley will be nothing but Cam and Booth.
She nearly died. In the past months, she’s seen Dr. Brennan and Dr. Hodgins kidnapped and nearly killed, she’s almost died herself, and she thinks, most people would see this as a good time for a career change.
But Camille is not most people.
She finds that nearly getting killed really pisses her off. So, you know, bad guys beware, because the last thing you want is a pissed off Camille Saroyan coming after your ass.
Seeley waits by her bed, is dutiful, is kind, calls her family, and whether he meant to or not, he’s the one who brings about Epps’ end.
Whether it was for her or for getting Parker involved, or maybe even for him - that doesn’t matter. She doesn’t have the details, and they don’t matter.
Seeley is everything that a good man should be, everything anyone should want.
But.
His heart’s not in it.
His heart was never in it.
And nearly dying really makes Camille want to stop doing this and find someone whose heart is truly in it.
Almost dying makes you think of a lot of things, things that are sad and scary, but mostly, mostly it makes you think of the things you never had.
What Camille has never had was man who well and truly loved her. She’d really like to have that someday.
She hopes it’s only a matter of time. But however long it is, she’s tired of just passing the time with something that will never be what she wants.
*
“Your sister will be here-“
“Seeley, I’m breaking up with you.”
“What?”
“Don’t act all shocked and surprised.”
“I’m not acting.”
“You can’t tell me you thought this was going to go on forever?”
“Camille-“
“And don’t get all chivalrous and flowery about it, Seeley. I might be drugged up, but that doesn’t mean I can’t still kick your ass.”
“You couldn’t get out of that bed if you wanted to.”
“Would you like to see me try?”
“Come on, Camille, what are you even-“
“Look, Seeley. You and I, we’re never going to be anything other than what we are to each other. We’re good friends who have great sex. But that’s not ever going to be enough.”
“I really care about you-“
“And I care about you. But I’m not in love with you. And you can’t honestly say you’re in love with me either.”
“No, I can’t.”
“I’ve thought about this, and Seeley, I deserve for someone to be in love with me. I owe that to myself. I don’t want to die not knowing what it feels like. We both work in a dangerous job, and if something else like this happens again, I don’t want to regret anything. I want to know that I’ve tried.”
“This happened because you’re someone I care about.”
“That doesn’t make any sense.”
“Of course it does. Epps knows - knew - that the best way to hurt me was to do it to someone I cared about.”
“He had no way of knowing that I would be the one who broke that glass ball. Hell, he had no way of knowing that we’re even dating. The only person he knew you were close to was Dr. Brennan. If he wanted to try to hurt you, why didn’t he try to hurt her?”
“He did.”
“You didn’t tell-“
“I didn’t want you to worry.”
“What did he do?”
“Snuck into her apartment. She knew what he was up to; didn’t tell me, of course. So damned stupid. I figured it out, too, thank God.”
“And that’s where he…”
“Yeah.”
“Seeley, it’s not your fault. Whatever happened. You were just trying to protect someone that you-“
“If I wasn’t there-“
“If you weren’t there, Dr. Brennan would have handled it. She’s extremely resourceful.”
“She did have a gun pulled on him.”
“Then what are you feeling sorry about? She would have been fine.”
“She would have had to kill someone.”
“And it’s better for you to have to do that.”
“She’s not-“
“She’s a big girl, Seeley, and-“
“But she shouldn’t-“
“Have to deal with it? Why is it better that you should?”
“Because I brought her into the middle of this in the first place.”
“That’s really not the way I heard it.”
“She’s…she’s…she’s-“
“She’s special?”
“God, Camille, don’t get all-“
“Now, listen here, Seeley. I’ve been your friend for a long, long time. And I’m going to be your friend for a long time. If you’re not going to be honest with me, you should at least be honest with yourself.”
“We shouldn’t be talking about her, Camille; we should be talking about-“
“You and me?”
“Yes.”
“Weren’t we about her all along?”
“I don’t know-“
“Yes, you do. Don’t you think I know when you’re trying to avoid something? Don’t you think I know when I’m-“
“Camille, I wasn’t using you, I promise.”
“That’s not what I was going to say.”
“Oh.”
“But yeah, you were.”
“If I’ve made you feel that way-“
“I didn’t care, Seeley. I don’t care. I knew what I was getting into, and I knew what I’d eventually be getting out of. Besides, I really didn’t mind being used in the way you were using. At. All.”
“I never meant to-“
“I know, you didn’t. But you knew as well as I did that this was never going anywhere. You’ve got your whole white knight thing going on, and I’m not much for being saved.”
“I do not-“
“Yes, you do. And you’re also looking for someone to save you, and I’m not that person either. But she is. She already is.”
“She’s just my-“
“Partner? Friend?”
“Yes.”
“If you really think that, then Seeley, you’re too stupid for me to date anyway.”
“I really didn’t want it to end like this, Camille. I’m sorry.”
“End? It’s not over. We’re always friends, Seeley. We’re just not going to be having sex.”
“I really do hate that.”
“And don’t think that smile’s going to work on me; I’m immune.”
“Okay.”
“Now get out of here before you have to have awkward time with my family.”
“If you need anything-“
“I know, I know. And I’ll call. Bye, Booth.”
“Bye, Cam.”
*
She’ll never know that he goes off half-cocked, pushing Dr. Brennan away after that conversation instead of pulling her closer. But she wouldn’t be surprised; Seeley’s always sacrificing himself for some cause, even when he really doesn’t need to.
And don’t think she’s doesn’t feel anything about it. She misses him. She feels a twinge in her heart, a tug in her stomach, a feeling that it might have been a bad idea to call it off.
But she knows, it’s not a bad idea.
Because she sees the way he smiles at Dr. Brennan, and she’s happy for him.
It makes her think, if he can find someone, maybe she can, too.
It makes her think: it’s only a matter of time.
.
“-a bad idea.”
“Very, very bad.”
“Incredibly-“
“-bad.”
He laughed, a rumble in his chest, and she kissed him.
Camille always knew what to say when it came to him.
She knows his mind has been somewhere else, but now, right now, it’s not.
Because there’s Camille, and GOD. Camille, and she’s still wearing that perfume - what was it called? - it was like sex in a bottle, a little blue bottle, and he never remembered the name, but that didn’t matter, as long as she remembered to wear it.
She always remembered.
There are things he shouldn’t think about, and sex with Camille is probably one of them, but damn, that shot’s been fired, so to hell with it.
To hell with all of it. Because she knows, thinking about this? It’s a lot easier than his thinking about the other thing.
So, this is how Seeley and Camille started the second time.
*
Camille Saroyan met Seeley Booth in their early twenties. He was the hottest thing she’d ever seen, tall, broad, a good Catholic boy who was really, really good (except for when she really, really didn’t want him to be).
It was hot, and fast, and really, they were always better off friends with benefits. No one got hurt, no one got changed, no one got anything, except for what they wanted.
When it was over, no one cried, but they both felt like they had someone they would always remember fondly.
They always did.
So when she waltzed through the doors of the Jeffersonian, and he called her Camille again, and she called him Seeley, she knew - it was only a matter of time.
Because for all of the things he’d been through, he was still a good Catholic boy who really wouldn’t mind if someone wanted him to be a little bit bad.
Holsters and combed hair would never, ever change that, and she knew it, and he knew she knew it.
It was only a matter of time.
*
“You know, we’re not-“
“Really?”
“Yeah.”
“God, why not?”
“We’re just…partners. Friends. It’s not like that.”
“If you’re just friends, I’m the Queen of England.”
“Camille-“
“Seeley-“
“I’ve just gotten to the point where she half-way likes me. If I just step in and-“
“And what?”
“I don’t know, you tell me.”
“There’s nothing to tell.”
“Seeley, if you’ve really deluded yourself into thinking that....”
“I haven’t deluded myself about anything.”
“I don’t believe you.”
“Then why don’t you let me show you.”
“I’m not 23 anymore. You can’t just smile at me and get me to drop my panties.”
“I can do a whole lot more than smile.”
*
That’s what they did. It was casual, and fun, and nothing that ever seemed like it would be permanent.
It was a way to pass the time; it felt like waiting.
For something.
They have a date one night, and she’s waiting for him. She looks up at the landing in the lab, and she sees him.
Him, with her.
They’re smiling at one another, and while Seeley could do a whole lot more than smile…well, if he smiled like that at her-
At anyone-
He wouldn’t have any problems getting them to drop their panties.
But that woman, she wouldn’t.
His eyes caught Camille’s, and all she could do was laugh at him.
This was fun. And casual.
It felt like waiting.
Waiting for the things they were supposed to be doing.
What he failed to recognize was, he’d already found his thing.
Camille decided she’d just wait until he figured that out.
She had as much time to pass as anyone.
*
They’re at dinner, talking about at trip to New York they’d never take (they both knew, they’d never take it, but talking is another good way to pass the time), and the phone rings.
Camille has never felt like the other woman before, but right now, she does.
She’s never seen Seeley like this. When he cares about someone, he does it relentlessly. But he’s still not someone who wears his heart on his sleeve. She knows things about Seeley Booth, things he wouldn’t tell people, things he hasn’t told people, but she only knows them because she’s been around for them. He usually keeps everything in check.
But with the knowledge that Dr. Brennan is underground, trapped…with the knowledge that she may die, he is unhinged. Within a span of about 15 hours, she sees the things he is willing to do when he loves someone. He risks his job without thought. He would risk his life, but there’s no opportunity for it, and it frustrates him. He threatens the lives of others. He bangs on an LCD screen, screaming at his friends. He runs through the sand and digs at it, frantic, wild, and the moment he sees her…
The moment he sees Dr. Brennan, it’s like he comes back.
She looks at the two of them, smiling at one another, and she can’t help but smile, too.
This thing, with her and Seeley, it’s never going to be long-lasting love, with the promise of forever.
But the thing with he and Dr. Brennan?
Standing in the sand, hot, sleep deprived, but as relieved as she’s ever felt, her mind is wild and running with thoughts, but the one that she feels when she looks at the two of them together is this:
She’s never felt like the other woman, but right now, she does.
*
After that, she knows, it’s only a matter of time.
Until Seeley realizes what he must know deep down.
Until Dr. Brennan realizes it, too.
Until Camille and Seeley will be nothing but Cam and Booth.
She nearly died. In the past months, she’s seen Dr. Brennan and Dr. Hodgins kidnapped and nearly killed, she’s almost died herself, and she thinks, most people would see this as a good time for a career change.
But Camille is not most people.
She finds that nearly getting killed really pisses her off. So, you know, bad guys beware, because the last thing you want is a pissed off Camille Saroyan coming after your ass.
Seeley waits by her bed, is dutiful, is kind, calls her family, and whether he meant to or not, he’s the one who brings about Epps’ end.
Whether it was for her or for getting Parker involved, or maybe even for him - that doesn’t matter. She doesn’t have the details, and they don’t matter.
Seeley is everything that a good man should be, everything anyone should want.
But.
His heart’s not in it.
His heart was never in it.
And nearly dying really makes Camille want to stop doing this and find someone whose heart is truly in it.
Almost dying makes you think of a lot of things, things that are sad and scary, but mostly, mostly it makes you think of the things you never had.
What Camille has never had was man who well and truly loved her. She’d really like to have that someday.
She hopes it’s only a matter of time. But however long it is, she’s tired of just passing the time with something that will never be what she wants.
*
“Your sister will be here-“
“Seeley, I’m breaking up with you.”
“What?”
“Don’t act all shocked and surprised.”
“I’m not acting.”
“You can’t tell me you thought this was going to go on forever?”
“Camille-“
“And don’t get all chivalrous and flowery about it, Seeley. I might be drugged up, but that doesn’t mean I can’t still kick your ass.”
“You couldn’t get out of that bed if you wanted to.”
“Would you like to see me try?”
“Come on, Camille, what are you even-“
“Look, Seeley. You and I, we’re never going to be anything other than what we are to each other. We’re good friends who have great sex. But that’s not ever going to be enough.”
“I really care about you-“
“And I care about you. But I’m not in love with you. And you can’t honestly say you’re in love with me either.”
“No, I can’t.”
“I’ve thought about this, and Seeley, I deserve for someone to be in love with me. I owe that to myself. I don’t want to die not knowing what it feels like. We both work in a dangerous job, and if something else like this happens again, I don’t want to regret anything. I want to know that I’ve tried.”
“This happened because you’re someone I care about.”
“That doesn’t make any sense.”
“Of course it does. Epps knows - knew - that the best way to hurt me was to do it to someone I cared about.”
“He had no way of knowing that I would be the one who broke that glass ball. Hell, he had no way of knowing that we’re even dating. The only person he knew you were close to was Dr. Brennan. If he wanted to try to hurt you, why didn’t he try to hurt her?”
“He did.”
“You didn’t tell-“
“I didn’t want you to worry.”
“What did he do?”
“Snuck into her apartment. She knew what he was up to; didn’t tell me, of course. So damned stupid. I figured it out, too, thank God.”
“And that’s where he…”
“Yeah.”
“Seeley, it’s not your fault. Whatever happened. You were just trying to protect someone that you-“
“If I wasn’t there-“
“If you weren’t there, Dr. Brennan would have handled it. She’s extremely resourceful.”
“She did have a gun pulled on him.”
“Then what are you feeling sorry about? She would have been fine.”
“She would have had to kill someone.”
“And it’s better for you to have to do that.”
“She’s not-“
“She’s a big girl, Seeley, and-“
“But she shouldn’t-“
“Have to deal with it? Why is it better that you should?”
“Because I brought her into the middle of this in the first place.”
“That’s really not the way I heard it.”
“She’s…she’s…she’s-“
“She’s special?”
“God, Camille, don’t get all-“
“Now, listen here, Seeley. I’ve been your friend for a long, long time. And I’m going to be your friend for a long time. If you’re not going to be honest with me, you should at least be honest with yourself.”
“We shouldn’t be talking about her, Camille; we should be talking about-“
“You and me?”
“Yes.”
“Weren’t we about her all along?”
“I don’t know-“
“Yes, you do. Don’t you think I know when you’re trying to avoid something? Don’t you think I know when I’m-“
“Camille, I wasn’t using you, I promise.”
“That’s not what I was going to say.”
“Oh.”
“But yeah, you were.”
“If I’ve made you feel that way-“
“I didn’t care, Seeley. I don’t care. I knew what I was getting into, and I knew what I’d eventually be getting out of. Besides, I really didn’t mind being used in the way you were using. At. All.”
“I never meant to-“
“I know, you didn’t. But you knew as well as I did that this was never going anywhere. You’ve got your whole white knight thing going on, and I’m not much for being saved.”
“I do not-“
“Yes, you do. And you’re also looking for someone to save you, and I’m not that person either. But she is. She already is.”
“She’s just my-“
“Partner? Friend?”
“Yes.”
“If you really think that, then Seeley, you’re too stupid for me to date anyway.”
“I really didn’t want it to end like this, Camille. I’m sorry.”
“End? It’s not over. We’re always friends, Seeley. We’re just not going to be having sex.”
“I really do hate that.”
“And don’t think that smile’s going to work on me; I’m immune.”
“Okay.”
“Now get out of here before you have to have awkward time with my family.”
“If you need anything-“
“I know, I know. And I’ll call. Bye, Booth.”
“Bye, Cam.”
*
She’ll never know that he goes off half-cocked, pushing Dr. Brennan away after that conversation instead of pulling her closer. But she wouldn’t be surprised; Seeley’s always sacrificing himself for some cause, even when he really doesn’t need to.
And don’t think she’s doesn’t feel anything about it. She misses him. She feels a twinge in her heart, a tug in her stomach, a feeling that it might have been a bad idea to call it off.
But she knows, it’s not a bad idea.
Because she sees the way he smiles at Dr. Brennan, and she’s happy for him.
It makes her think, if he can find someone, maybe she can, too.
It makes her think: it’s only a matter of time.
.