5x12: The Best Episode of Bones that Ever Boned
If this episode were a salad dressing, it would taste like candy, and be fat-free, no, not just fat-free, you would actually lose weight from eating it, because it would be magical. Magical fucking salad dressing that makes you love salad, and eat it, it would make you want to do good things for yourself, because that’s how awesome this is.
I want to make this episode into a deodorant, so that I can wear it, and always smell like sunshine. I want to fashion it into a shirt, and that shirt would make my boobs look awesome and would feel like I am wearing the most comfortable T-shirt in the world. If it were shoes, they look like Manolo Mary Janes and feel like slippers.
1. Few sides came out for this episode, and you couldn’t get that much from them. Because this episode? It’s about there being more than one kind of family.
2. Booth brought a pizza to Brennan because he missed her because he loves her because he sees Michael Jackson in the cheese.
3. Booth, dude, you are absolutely pitiful. You are so in love with her that you are actually loosing it.
4. Then, Booth does his Michael Jackson dance, with pelvic thrusts
5. 5aoifu pa98 anhoufs
6. Af;oi hpewoih aorua98wry982y409u;oijalkzdhv;zihgd;aiu
7. Passed out. Pelvic thrusts.
8. CHRIST.
9. And little did we know that this is probably the least awesome thing that happens all episode. Booth pelvic thrusts + least awesome = words I never thought would go together.
10. BUT THEY DO.
11. Cam is in full-on freak out about a positive pregnancy test because she is afraid that it’s Michelle’s. Brennan tells us she hasn’t had sex in a long time because she is in love with Booth. She doesn’t say that last part, but that’s why. Let’s not bullshit about it.
12. Cam goes to Angela and asks her. Hodgins is in the room, and-
13. Oh, Cam, I love you. Cam: “Dr. Brennan doesn’t make life choices without a Boolean flow chart.”
14. BTW, there was, like, no doubt it was Angela’s. Of course it was. And I love that little stick, because it gives us one of the greatest moments of Show, or any show, ever. In just a little bit.
15. Men in black suits roll in, claiming to be from the General Services Administration. I laughed my ass off at that. I would get into it, but really, you’d only understand if you’ve ever worked for the federal government. The idea that GSA…you know, I’m not going there. But I will say, I bet these guys don’t have to use the crappy pens that I do, because they don’t work worth a shit, and-
16. I’m going to stop. It’s only funny to me, anyway.
17. Mr. White locks down the lab, and tells the Squints they have to determine cause of death for a set of remains they roll in on a gurney. Already, this episode has a different feel to it. We’ve started out in the lab, and the dead person comes to them, instead of the other way around.
18. Sweets doesn’t like this AT ALL, so he calls Booth. Because, you know, who else would he call? I’d call Booth, too.
19. In fact, I’d like to call Booth right now.
20. To come to a party.
21. A party in my pants.
22. Sorry, this episode makes me so giddy.
23. Mr. White tells Cam and Brennan not to ID the remains. Bad call. The last thing you want to tell either one of them is what NOT to do, because that means they will do it, even if they didn’t want to before. Brennan bangs on later about being good at following directions, but…oh, come on. I’d love to hear what Booth has to say about that.
24. Cam, of course, is still freaking out: “I need to get home to kill Michelle.” Cam, you badass. You are such a natural parent.
25. Meanwhile, Booth’s in the parking garage, chatting up the Black Suits. They don’t chat back. Booth and Mr. White have Hot Man In Suit Stare Off, in which Booth looks so good that it is nearly deadly. “My people.” Oh, Booth. I love it when you call them your people. Also, you know that Booth is going to stop at nothing to get in there.
26. Which results in one of the hottest goddamned things I’ve ever seen.
27. Booth calls Sweets back. Excellent quotes emerge:
a. Angela: This is the first time I’ve ever been as paranoid as Hodgins.
b. Booth: You are FBI property. If anyone’s going to lock you up, it’s going to be me. (O’Brien: I don’t think that Brennan would mind that).
28. Back on the platform, Cam and Brennan find lots of clues that start adding up to ID = JFK. Cam yells just to scare the hell out of the guards, which Hodgins thinks is hot.
29. And the Cadgins fans cheer! I’m Hodgela, all the way, but I can appreciate your love for them.
30. Brennan steels a bone, then lies easily to Mr. White. I don’t know, I just thought it was cool.
31. Hacker is back. And normally, that would make me sad.
32. BUT.
33. OMFG HACKER IS HILARIOUS AND GREAT AND FUNNY AND TOTALLY NOT TAKING ANY BULLSHIT AND HE KNOWS THAT BOOTH HAS ALREADY WON THE WIN-TEMPERANCE-BRENNAN’S-HEART GAME, SO HE’S NOT REALLY COMPETITION, AND HOLY SHIT I THINK I LOVE HIM IN THIS EPISODE.
34. Observe:
Hacker: Hey Booth, you want to tell me why it’s so important that you get in there?
Booth: They’re my people.
Hacker: Oh, GOD. Now you’re going to prove that you’re a better man than I am, too, because you care more about your people? I’m never going to get anywhere with Temperance if he keeps making me look bad by comparison.
35. I think that’s the idea, Hacker. Also, you’re hilarious.
36. Sweets talks some shit on the phone to Booth about the Black Suits, and we have yet another piece of evidence that Booth Is Back.
Sweets: They treat the body on the gurney with great deference.
Booth: A fallen comrade.
Sweets (smiling): That was my first thought.
Booth: Thattaboy, Sweets.
I really, really love that moment. Sweets, who is a Certified Smarty Pants, recognizes that Booth has a natural gift. Booth also realizes that Sweets is constantly looking for his approval, for anyone’s approval, and he’s more than happy to give it. Also, we learn that Booth is back on his game. I love you, Show. I. Love. You.
37. Mr. White heard the whole thing, and absolutely no one was surprised.
38. Hodgins: “This is America, baby. We can conjecture all we want.” Why did I think it was so hot that Hodgins said that? Because it was hot.
39. Hodgins finds pink wool, and proceeds to freak the fuck out, and who can blame him? If I were in the middle of that shit, I would be flipping out. I mean. You know. FUCK.
40. This would be the point at which I believe it would be appropriate to declare: This shit just got real.
41. Cam shows off her casket knowledge, which, you know, former coroner, that does make sense, but…have you ever said, “You know, that’s a good casket.” I haven’t.
42. We see Booth at the glass doors while Cam/Hodgins/Brennan talk on the platform. He’s in The Jacket, he’s frustrated, and he’s not going to be stopped. So, in a completely unsurprising move, he shoots the fucking glass door out. If it were wood, he would have kicked it in, or done that thing with his shoulder, but the gun is the most efficient method here, and by God, WE ARE ALL THANKFUL FOR IT.
43. Because.
44. It is probably the hottest single thing I’ve seen in my life, The Three-Piece included. I just…God. There is nothing he won’t do if it means he can get to his Bones. I…there are no words. There is only his hotness, and forces which are completely powerless to stop it.
45. Booth walks in, hands up, ready to surrender his gun, and totally knowing that he’s about to get slammed to the ground, looking like the cockiest son of a bitch on the planet, because right now, he is. Because Bones just said his name in this way and had a look on her face that was just something, and he’s happy to see her, and you know, fuck it, yeah, he’s probably going to get in trouble, but he always plays things a little too safe, and tonight, he’s feeling reckless.
46. And then, he’s down. The way he answers “Bones” back is great. He got knocked down a peg, but it ended up sort of adorable, so I don’t care.
47. Also, Booth, you’ve really got to stop getting knocked in the head. Seriously.
48. Brennan catches Booth up, even mentioning the possibility of Michelle’s being pregnant, and honestly? I think her mentioning that, with that particular look on her face, really shows some growth. Four years ago, Brennan probably wouldn’t know or care about the Michelle thing, but now, she knows things about other people’s lives. Booth’s influence didn’t just affect their relationship, but her relationships with other people. He made her able to see the world. I don’t care what Angela said in S2 about Sully, and living wide, and all that shit. Booth has made Brennan live wide, and that’s just one of the many reasons they are sort of amazing.
49. Mr. White shows up, and Booth goes back into Cocky SOB mode because he got exactly what he wanted, and Brennan? She’s mostly turned on. Really. Look at her face.
50. Angela finally confesses that she is, in fact, The Baby Mama, and Angela is dealing…well, pretty much like you think she would. Cam, for her part, tries to be comforting, but really, she’s just so damned happy Michelle isn’t pregnant that she can hardly stand it. Show really gets Cam’s reaction very right, and this is part of why I love Show so much: even the little things feel like something I would do, or a way my friend would act, or SOMETHING. West Wing was really good at that; How I Met Your Mother is really good at that, and in moments like this, so is Show.
51. Booth calls Hacker for an update on what he’s found out. What we find out is that Hacker is eating, like, the largest meal in history, because he’s still at whatever diner he was in when Booth went to cowboy up.
52. Hacker: “Do I have any contacts in the White House.” I love the mockery. Hacker, actually, you know, if you want to call me up for a date, I would probably say yes, because you are bringing the funny. Face it: You’re never getting anywhere with Temperance. I’m never getting anywhere with Booth. Let’s try and get somewhere with each other.
53. Back at the Lab, Hodgins does a really good job of not bursting into tears or hitting something or doing any number of perfectly reasonable things that you might do if you found out the woman you are incredibly in love with is having some other guy’s baby.
54. Angela: “It’s not the right time. It’s not the right guy.” Honestly, I would retype every bit of dialogue from this, but this whole scene…CHRIST, this whole scene. Because my God, it is SO well-acted, so beautifully done. You can see, actually SEE Angela breaking apart, and you can see that Hodgins wants to, but he loves her more than he wants to, and I just can’t even handle how much I love this. The way he says, “You always wanted kids, lot’s of them,” the shrug of his shoulders, the almost-break in his voice. I cannot handle it.
55. Brennan thinks, with a chipper smile that we see more often all of the time, that the face Angela put on the skull looks like Booth. Sweets and Angela share a smile, and honestly, Show, you are brining it so hard that I may not be able to watch any other shows, any other episodes of television, EVER, because this is by far the best there ever was.
56. Brennan inspects the skull, and Booth starts showing signs of REALLY not wanting this to be JFK. The reason for which will break your heart. In just a little bit.
57. In Angela’s office, Booth, Brennan, Angela, and Hodgins (Awesome Group Couple Vacation Club members of the future) watch an animation of the JFK shooting. Hodgins and Booth sort of get into it while the women watch, and Hodgins has the nerve to challenge Booth’s gun knowledge, at which point Booth is all like, “What. I can show you. Let’s go.” And really, Hodgins, have you seen Booth today? The man’s on fire. Also, it would be easier next time if the both of you would just whip them out, and we could get a ruler and measure, because your pissing contest is going to stain the rug.
58. Hodgins, Booth, and Sweets meet up to hatch their plan to get the gun. By this point in the episode, I’ve got to say, I’m a little bit on edge. That was the thing about this. We knew it was JFK early. Forget about that. It’s watching the group in this situation that’s really fun.
59. It’s episodes like this that prove that this show is far beyond being a crime procedural and that it’s really all about the relationships and showing character growth. Just saying.
60. Also, Hodgins, WTF with the mopping? I know you’re trying to cover, but Dude, really? Mr. White, if you’re falling for this, you are so dumb.
61. Sweets talks about this whole thing feeling like a test, and I really LIKE that idea. I hope we maybe see this pop up again in a future episode? That it wasn’t just about the Congressional Committee.
62. After they get the gun, we get the adorable: Booth needs some “science jibber-jabber.” Brennan, in the most adorable way possible, is delighted to provide it. Like, beyond delighted. She’s nearly giddy. Booth is smiling, and looks almost a little flirty. Cam sees the whole thing go down, and is trying so hard not to smile that she probably pulled something, but, you know, WORTH IT.
63. Brennan completely makes Mr. White her bitch, with a smile on her face at that, and ED deserves and Emmy just for getting through all that dialogue.
64. Booth goes Cocky SOB again, telling Mr. White to bring his popcorn, and he gives Brennan his seal of approval. She beams.
65. No.
66. Really.
67. SHE IS BEAMING.
68. Show. That’s it. I’m proposing marriage. I’m calling my boyfriend, right now, and I’m breaking up with him, because our love is true, and real, and if I’ve got to move to Vermont to make it official, I will. Marry me, show. Marry me.
69. They set up the cantaloupes, and Booth fires the rifle. He is, of course, spot on, and is so damned pleased with himself. Brennan has clamped her mouth shut to keep from screaming out from the orgasm she just had from watching Booth do this.
70. Oh, yeah.
71. I totally went there.
72. Like you didn’t.
73. That has SO got to be the look on his face when he’s in bed. You know it is. God. I…iapwjfajf
74. HOT.
75. Despite Booth’s awesome shooting, it seems that he hasn’t been able to prove his point. He sits in Brennan’s office.
He sits.
It’s Kennedy. It’s Kennedy, and he knows it’s Kennedy, and-
He’s done things, he told her once. Even that feels like a lifetime ago, sitting in a graveyard, talking to Bones, telling her about ruining a little kid’s birthday, but it was his job. It was more than his job; it was his duty, and sometimes, it wasn’t even something he was proud of, but it was something he did, a price he paid for the things he believed in.
Maybe that’s his problem. That he believes.
He believes in truth, and justice, and the American way, and that pie is a food group, that one day he will see the face of God, and that someone is going to love him, someone is really going to love him….
He believes that what he does is Important.
He believes he’s killed, but never murdered.
But he also believes what Bones tells him. She never lies. She is always truthful, and sometimes that is annoying, and sometimes that is hurtful, but it is constant.
She is constant.
He was 13 when his grandfather told him about John Wilkes Booth. He always knew who he was, of course, but he never thought he was related to him. Lots of people have the same last name, and Booth, it’s not really uncommon.
But when he thinks about it, it feels like getting slapped in the face. He knows that his ancestor was dead long before he was born, that it doesn’t really matter, not really, but to know that the same blood courses through his veins, to know that he might have the same hair, or smile, or middle toe as the man who shot President Lincoln, who murdered, to know that they share some common something, well, it bothers him. More than he’d like to admit.
To think, for just a second, that he could be like him. That he’s murdered, in the name of…that he’s murdered, that he is a murderer. That he took a life that was actually good. That he has done so over, and over, and over again.
The fear is constant, too.
So he sits.
76. I’d heard HH talk before about the John Wilkes Booth thing, that it was something they cut from the pilot, so I think it’s cool they put it in there. And talk about heart-breaking. To have Booth fundamentally rocked like that (and then he goes after the truth anyway), Brennan’s chasing him, saying, “I promise now!” Here are these broken people who try to help mend the other, and sometimes, they just suck at it.
77. But they keep on trying.
78. Hacker calls again, telling booth about the Congressional Committee, and then, this: “Are you being held against your will?” “I could get out if I wanted.”… “I find that on behalf of the FBI, I am annoyed by their arrogance.”
79. Hey, Hacker? Call me!
80. Oh. My. God.
81. My new Favorite Scene in the World is about to come on.
82. Now, look. B/B is my #1 Stunna. We all know that. But this. Scene. Is. Beautiful.
83. It was the easiest thing in the world. It wasn’t even a decision he made, it was just something that he had to do. It was like breathing. It was like-
It does not matter to him that she is pregnant, and it’s someone else’s child, and things are weird between them and have been for over a year. It does not matter. None of it matters.
She matters.
She’s the only thing that’s ever mattered. He was buried underground, about to die, and the only thing he could think of was how much he wanted to kiss her, how much he wanted to tell her he loved her. He thinks of it, sometimes, the tragedy of his death would have truly been never telling her, never having all that time together, never knowing that she snores, or that she sometimes sings in the shower.
He never would have gotten to be in love.
And that’s really what does it. That’s why it’s not hard at all, why he doesn’t feel pathetic and desperate about it. Because he is her guy, and he doesn’t care how or why that is, but he is, and he is always going to be, because none of that matters.
She matters.
And that makes it the easiest thing in the world.
84. When Hodgins said, “I’m your guy,” my breath caught in my throat. Can someone please get TJ Thyne an Emmy?
85. On the platform, Cam explains the Psychology of Booth, and Brennan looks almost physically ill.
86. Mr. White comes along and tells them it’s game over. Cam fucking owns his ass: “For future reference, you might want to tell your bosses that we don’t do half truth here.” Brennan looks on in possible awe, because, you know, CAM IS THE MOTHERFUCKING HEAD BITCH IN CHARGE, MOTHERFUCKER.
87. And we learn that Angela’s not preggo after all. No one is shocked, Show, by your use of this plot device.
88. Even though it’s awful, and killing him, Booth can’t stand for the truth to be hidden, so he rolls up on the platform, asking how much time they need. Cam: “Big Man always comes through.”
89. That’s what she said.
90. WHAT UP!
91. Booth gets fucking awesome x 1,000,000, proving first-hand EXACTLY why Rangers Lead the Motherfucking Way. Brennan runs off with the bones to do her test.
92. I’d recap it hit-for hit, but Sweets: “That was totally ninja! Maybe some anger issues there, but you kicked ass.” Yeah, that pretty much sums it up.
93. Five seconds later, Hacker comes jogging in with a bullhorn and a SWAT team. Hacker’s all, “WTF, FML.” And Booth’s all Mr. Cocky.
94. MR. COCKY.
95. You know how perky Brennan gets about Booth’s Cocky belt buckle? That it’s Boothy?
96. That’s because when she does finally meet Booth’s penis, in person, she is SO gonna name it Mr. Cocky.
97. If nothing else of worth is produced from this recap, Mr. Cocky would still be more than enough. I’m just saying.
98. You guys.
99. Brennan did a whole experiment, with pudding, and everything.
100. She did this experiment.
101. And you know what?
102. She did it to help Booth.
103. More to the point, she LIED to help Booth.
104. Dr. Temperance Brennan, world’s greatest forensic anthropologist, famous novelist, pursuer of truth, hater of deception…the woman always, ALWAYS relies on science for The Truth of Things-
105. Y’all.
106. I can’t.
107. She-
108. She lied. About science. For Booth.
109. When she understands, she feels like she might throw up. It’s is a physical reaction to the thought that Booth could possibly see himself as a murderer.
It is the first time, in a long time, that she wishes she could unlearn something. Facts, evidence, science, they all are a comfort, because they are tried and true. They are the only things that are constant, the laws of physics, the reactions between chemicals, the undeniable marker in a bone.
They are the only things that are constant.
But then there’s Booth.
He’s almost died more times than she cares to think about. She knows he will not last forever, that they will not work together forever, that he might move, or she might get hit by a bus (however statistically improbable that may be), and one day, they will each be like the bones on the table before her, dead, unmoving, unknowing, unseeing. She does not believe in life after death, and she probably never will.
Booth is not constant.
But she finds, thinking of how he must feel, considering what he must think of himself and how untrue it is, that she does not care that Booth is not constant.
Because Booth is important.
Science is important, too, but science never made her feel something like this, like a dead weight in her stomach. And science has never made her smile just by being there, it’s never brought her pizza in the middle of the day and done a weird dance, it’s never held her while she cried, it’s never put itself between her and a bullet, or let her drink straight from its good bottle of scotch.
Booth, she realizes, standing on the platform and trying not to cry, is better than science.
Booth is better.
It was the easiest thing in the world. It wasn’t even a decision she made, it was just something that she had to do. It was like breathing.
She lied. For Booth. About science. Because he is better than science.
It makes perfect sense.
110. You know what this pudding scene really makes me think of?
BRENNAN: Thanks. I wish you wouldn’t keep letting me hug you when I get scared.
BOOTH: Hey, I get scared and I’ll hug you. We’ll call it even.
111. And that’s pretty much what happened. I could go into a lot of stuff, about how easily she lied, how relieved he looked, how they looked at one another for a moment, and the way he says thank you, the tone of his voice, the look on his face, it’s all how he’ll say I love you, when it happens, eventually, like all the stuff will…but really? It’s too pretty to recap. It’s just too pretty.
112. Then Hacker breezes in, oh, btw Temperance, did you hear about that cool thing I did? Brennan smiles, Booth gives Hacker a look that clearly says, “Dude. Give the fuck up. It’s getting pretty pathetic.” And Booth knows pathetic (See # 2, supra)
113. Hacker, it really is. Also, call me!
114. At the diner, we have Family Breakfast. And Brennan is going to lie about this until the day she dies. And that’s totally fine with her.
115. Angela tells Hodgins that she’s not pregnant, and that she’ll never forget his offer. She’s going to take him up on it. Some day. I think in that moment, she knows.
116. Brennan walks out with Cam, in a super-cute jacket btw, and Cam calls her out: That was totes JFK. Brennan’s like, you know, it probably wasn’t, statistically blah blah. And Cam: “You’re a good person. I will never forget what you did for him.”
117. Brennan (from the past): There’s nothing I wouldn’t do to help him.
118. Talk about putting your money where your mouth is.
119. And Cam, you just keep on winning. God. Show.
120. Sweets and Booth walk out, and Sweets is high on the adventure of it all. Booth thinks of that time Parker ate all the pixi stix in the house. Not that we know that time exists, but in my mind, it does, and Booth’s thinking about it.
121. Booth puts out his arm, and Brennan takes it. I love walking with guys, arm-in-arm, even if I’m not dating them. There’s something very…nice about it. Something better than friendly. It’s like cuddling while walking. That’s some awesome shit.
122. And so is this:
Booth: You know, you must think I’m crazy for being so happy it wasn’t JFK.
Brennan: I’m very impressed. You wanted the truth, even if it was going to hurt you.
Booth: I learned that from you. (and it’s that look again, the one that he gets these days, the one that love looks like)
Brennan: Really?
Booth: Yeah. I mean, sometimes you have to go with your brain over your gut.
123. Except for when you don’t. Like when you lie about the ID of a gunshot victim who you will never, ever tell Booth is actually JFK.
124. When you do that, that’s just a lot of heart.
Next Week: Who gives a fuck about next week? Really. We just saw an hour of some of the best TV I’ve ever seen in my life. This episode has an interesting mystery element that kept things kind of intense, Booth did pelvic thrusts, then shot stuff, and was crazy Cocky/Boothy like woah (horse), Brennan smiled, like, CONSTANTLY, and lied ABOUT SCIENCE to protect Booth, Hodgins told Angela that he’s her guy, and Angela really seemed to agree, Sweets felt included and loved, and Cam…oh, CAM. “You’re a good person.” You too, Cam. Hacker was even good. Seriously.
Show. I just…oh, Show. Show and I will honeymoon on a deserted island, because Show? Is totally sporting a badass Mr. Cocky.
I want to make this episode into a deodorant, so that I can wear it, and always smell like sunshine. I want to fashion it into a shirt, and that shirt would make my boobs look awesome and would feel like I am wearing the most comfortable T-shirt in the world. If it were shoes, they look like Manolo Mary Janes and feel like slippers.
1. Few sides came out for this episode, and you couldn’t get that much from them. Because this episode? It’s about there being more than one kind of family.
2. Booth brought a pizza to Brennan because he missed her because he loves her because he sees Michael Jackson in the cheese.
3. Booth, dude, you are absolutely pitiful. You are so in love with her that you are actually loosing it.
4. Then, Booth does his Michael Jackson dance, with pelvic thrusts
5. 5aoifu pa98 anhoufs
6. Af;oi hpewoih aorua98wry982y409u;oijalkzdhv;zihgd;aiu
7. Passed out. Pelvic thrusts.
8. CHRIST.
9. And little did we know that this is probably the least awesome thing that happens all episode. Booth pelvic thrusts + least awesome = words I never thought would go together.
10. BUT THEY DO.
11. Cam is in full-on freak out about a positive pregnancy test because she is afraid that it’s Michelle’s. Brennan tells us she hasn’t had sex in a long time because she is in love with Booth. She doesn’t say that last part, but that’s why. Let’s not bullshit about it.
12. Cam goes to Angela and asks her. Hodgins is in the room, and-
13. Oh, Cam, I love you. Cam: “Dr. Brennan doesn’t make life choices without a Boolean flow chart.”
14. BTW, there was, like, no doubt it was Angela’s. Of course it was. And I love that little stick, because it gives us one of the greatest moments of Show, or any show, ever. In just a little bit.
15. Men in black suits roll in, claiming to be from the General Services Administration. I laughed my ass off at that. I would get into it, but really, you’d only understand if you’ve ever worked for the federal government. The idea that GSA…you know, I’m not going there. But I will say, I bet these guys don’t have to use the crappy pens that I do, because they don’t work worth a shit, and-
16. I’m going to stop. It’s only funny to me, anyway.
17. Mr. White locks down the lab, and tells the Squints they have to determine cause of death for a set of remains they roll in on a gurney. Already, this episode has a different feel to it. We’ve started out in the lab, and the dead person comes to them, instead of the other way around.
18. Sweets doesn’t like this AT ALL, so he calls Booth. Because, you know, who else would he call? I’d call Booth, too.
19. In fact, I’d like to call Booth right now.
20. To come to a party.
21. A party in my pants.
22. Sorry, this episode makes me so giddy.
23. Mr. White tells Cam and Brennan not to ID the remains. Bad call. The last thing you want to tell either one of them is what NOT to do, because that means they will do it, even if they didn’t want to before. Brennan bangs on later about being good at following directions, but…oh, come on. I’d love to hear what Booth has to say about that.
24. Cam, of course, is still freaking out: “I need to get home to kill Michelle.” Cam, you badass. You are such a natural parent.
25. Meanwhile, Booth’s in the parking garage, chatting up the Black Suits. They don’t chat back. Booth and Mr. White have Hot Man In Suit Stare Off, in which Booth looks so good that it is nearly deadly. “My people.” Oh, Booth. I love it when you call them your people. Also, you know that Booth is going to stop at nothing to get in there.
26. Which results in one of the hottest goddamned things I’ve ever seen.
27. Booth calls Sweets back. Excellent quotes emerge:
a. Angela: This is the first time I’ve ever been as paranoid as Hodgins.
b. Booth: You are FBI property. If anyone’s going to lock you up, it’s going to be me. (O’Brien: I don’t think that Brennan would mind that).
28. Back on the platform, Cam and Brennan find lots of clues that start adding up to ID = JFK. Cam yells just to scare the hell out of the guards, which Hodgins thinks is hot.
29. And the Cadgins fans cheer! I’m Hodgela, all the way, but I can appreciate your love for them.
30. Brennan steels a bone, then lies easily to Mr. White. I don’t know, I just thought it was cool.
31. Hacker is back. And normally, that would make me sad.
32. BUT.
33. OMFG HACKER IS HILARIOUS AND GREAT AND FUNNY AND TOTALLY NOT TAKING ANY BULLSHIT AND HE KNOWS THAT BOOTH HAS ALREADY WON THE WIN-TEMPERANCE-BRENNAN’S-HEART GAME, SO HE’S NOT REALLY COMPETITION, AND HOLY SHIT I THINK I LOVE HIM IN THIS EPISODE.
34. Observe:
Hacker: Hey Booth, you want to tell me why it’s so important that you get in there?
Booth: They’re my people.
Hacker: Oh, GOD. Now you’re going to prove that you’re a better man than I am, too, because you care more about your people? I’m never going to get anywhere with Temperance if he keeps making me look bad by comparison.
35. I think that’s the idea, Hacker. Also, you’re hilarious.
36. Sweets talks some shit on the phone to Booth about the Black Suits, and we have yet another piece of evidence that Booth Is Back.
Sweets: They treat the body on the gurney with great deference.
Booth: A fallen comrade.
Sweets (smiling): That was my first thought.
Booth: Thattaboy, Sweets.
I really, really love that moment. Sweets, who is a Certified Smarty Pants, recognizes that Booth has a natural gift. Booth also realizes that Sweets is constantly looking for his approval, for anyone’s approval, and he’s more than happy to give it. Also, we learn that Booth is back on his game. I love you, Show. I. Love. You.
37. Mr. White heard the whole thing, and absolutely no one was surprised.
38. Hodgins: “This is America, baby. We can conjecture all we want.” Why did I think it was so hot that Hodgins said that? Because it was hot.
39. Hodgins finds pink wool, and proceeds to freak the fuck out, and who can blame him? If I were in the middle of that shit, I would be flipping out. I mean. You know. FUCK.
40. This would be the point at which I believe it would be appropriate to declare: This shit just got real.
41. Cam shows off her casket knowledge, which, you know, former coroner, that does make sense, but…have you ever said, “You know, that’s a good casket.” I haven’t.
42. We see Booth at the glass doors while Cam/Hodgins/Brennan talk on the platform. He’s in The Jacket, he’s frustrated, and he’s not going to be stopped. So, in a completely unsurprising move, he shoots the fucking glass door out. If it were wood, he would have kicked it in, or done that thing with his shoulder, but the gun is the most efficient method here, and by God, WE ARE ALL THANKFUL FOR IT.
43. Because.
44. It is probably the hottest single thing I’ve seen in my life, The Three-Piece included. I just…God. There is nothing he won’t do if it means he can get to his Bones. I…there are no words. There is only his hotness, and forces which are completely powerless to stop it.
45. Booth walks in, hands up, ready to surrender his gun, and totally knowing that he’s about to get slammed to the ground, looking like the cockiest son of a bitch on the planet, because right now, he is. Because Bones just said his name in this way and had a look on her face that was just something, and he’s happy to see her, and you know, fuck it, yeah, he’s probably going to get in trouble, but he always plays things a little too safe, and tonight, he’s feeling reckless.
46. And then, he’s down. The way he answers “Bones” back is great. He got knocked down a peg, but it ended up sort of adorable, so I don’t care.
47. Also, Booth, you’ve really got to stop getting knocked in the head. Seriously.
48. Brennan catches Booth up, even mentioning the possibility of Michelle’s being pregnant, and honestly? I think her mentioning that, with that particular look on her face, really shows some growth. Four years ago, Brennan probably wouldn’t know or care about the Michelle thing, but now, she knows things about other people’s lives. Booth’s influence didn’t just affect their relationship, but her relationships with other people. He made her able to see the world. I don’t care what Angela said in S2 about Sully, and living wide, and all that shit. Booth has made Brennan live wide, and that’s just one of the many reasons they are sort of amazing.
49. Mr. White shows up, and Booth goes back into Cocky SOB mode because he got exactly what he wanted, and Brennan? She’s mostly turned on. Really. Look at her face.
50. Angela finally confesses that she is, in fact, The Baby Mama, and Angela is dealing…well, pretty much like you think she would. Cam, for her part, tries to be comforting, but really, she’s just so damned happy Michelle isn’t pregnant that she can hardly stand it. Show really gets Cam’s reaction very right, and this is part of why I love Show so much: even the little things feel like something I would do, or a way my friend would act, or SOMETHING. West Wing was really good at that; How I Met Your Mother is really good at that, and in moments like this, so is Show.
51. Booth calls Hacker for an update on what he’s found out. What we find out is that Hacker is eating, like, the largest meal in history, because he’s still at whatever diner he was in when Booth went to cowboy up.
52. Hacker: “Do I have any contacts in the White House.” I love the mockery. Hacker, actually, you know, if you want to call me up for a date, I would probably say yes, because you are bringing the funny. Face it: You’re never getting anywhere with Temperance. I’m never getting anywhere with Booth. Let’s try and get somewhere with each other.
53. Back at the Lab, Hodgins does a really good job of not bursting into tears or hitting something or doing any number of perfectly reasonable things that you might do if you found out the woman you are incredibly in love with is having some other guy’s baby.
54. Angela: “It’s not the right time. It’s not the right guy.” Honestly, I would retype every bit of dialogue from this, but this whole scene…CHRIST, this whole scene. Because my God, it is SO well-acted, so beautifully done. You can see, actually SEE Angela breaking apart, and you can see that Hodgins wants to, but he loves her more than he wants to, and I just can’t even handle how much I love this. The way he says, “You always wanted kids, lot’s of them,” the shrug of his shoulders, the almost-break in his voice. I cannot handle it.
55. Brennan thinks, with a chipper smile that we see more often all of the time, that the face Angela put on the skull looks like Booth. Sweets and Angela share a smile, and honestly, Show, you are brining it so hard that I may not be able to watch any other shows, any other episodes of television, EVER, because this is by far the best there ever was.
56. Brennan inspects the skull, and Booth starts showing signs of REALLY not wanting this to be JFK. The reason for which will break your heart. In just a little bit.
57. In Angela’s office, Booth, Brennan, Angela, and Hodgins (Awesome Group Couple Vacation Club members of the future) watch an animation of the JFK shooting. Hodgins and Booth sort of get into it while the women watch, and Hodgins has the nerve to challenge Booth’s gun knowledge, at which point Booth is all like, “What. I can show you. Let’s go.” And really, Hodgins, have you seen Booth today? The man’s on fire. Also, it would be easier next time if the both of you would just whip them out, and we could get a ruler and measure, because your pissing contest is going to stain the rug.
58. Hodgins, Booth, and Sweets meet up to hatch their plan to get the gun. By this point in the episode, I’ve got to say, I’m a little bit on edge. That was the thing about this. We knew it was JFK early. Forget about that. It’s watching the group in this situation that’s really fun.
59. It’s episodes like this that prove that this show is far beyond being a crime procedural and that it’s really all about the relationships and showing character growth. Just saying.
60. Also, Hodgins, WTF with the mopping? I know you’re trying to cover, but Dude, really? Mr. White, if you’re falling for this, you are so dumb.
61. Sweets talks about this whole thing feeling like a test, and I really LIKE that idea. I hope we maybe see this pop up again in a future episode? That it wasn’t just about the Congressional Committee.
62. After they get the gun, we get the adorable: Booth needs some “science jibber-jabber.” Brennan, in the most adorable way possible, is delighted to provide it. Like, beyond delighted. She’s nearly giddy. Booth is smiling, and looks almost a little flirty. Cam sees the whole thing go down, and is trying so hard not to smile that she probably pulled something, but, you know, WORTH IT.
63. Brennan completely makes Mr. White her bitch, with a smile on her face at that, and ED deserves and Emmy just for getting through all that dialogue.
64. Booth goes Cocky SOB again, telling Mr. White to bring his popcorn, and he gives Brennan his seal of approval. She beams.
65. No.
66. Really.
67. SHE IS BEAMING.
68. Show. That’s it. I’m proposing marriage. I’m calling my boyfriend, right now, and I’m breaking up with him, because our love is true, and real, and if I’ve got to move to Vermont to make it official, I will. Marry me, show. Marry me.
69. They set up the cantaloupes, and Booth fires the rifle. He is, of course, spot on, and is so damned pleased with himself. Brennan has clamped her mouth shut to keep from screaming out from the orgasm she just had from watching Booth do this.
70. Oh, yeah.
71. I totally went there.
72. Like you didn’t.
73. That has SO got to be the look on his face when he’s in bed. You know it is. God. I…iapwjfajf
74. HOT.
75. Despite Booth’s awesome shooting, it seems that he hasn’t been able to prove his point. He sits in Brennan’s office.
He sits.
It’s Kennedy. It’s Kennedy, and he knows it’s Kennedy, and-
He’s done things, he told her once. Even that feels like a lifetime ago, sitting in a graveyard, talking to Bones, telling her about ruining a little kid’s birthday, but it was his job. It was more than his job; it was his duty, and sometimes, it wasn’t even something he was proud of, but it was something he did, a price he paid for the things he believed in.
Maybe that’s his problem. That he believes.
He believes in truth, and justice, and the American way, and that pie is a food group, that one day he will see the face of God, and that someone is going to love him, someone is really going to love him….
He believes that what he does is Important.
He believes he’s killed, but never murdered.
But he also believes what Bones tells him. She never lies. She is always truthful, and sometimes that is annoying, and sometimes that is hurtful, but it is constant.
She is constant.
He was 13 when his grandfather told him about John Wilkes Booth. He always knew who he was, of course, but he never thought he was related to him. Lots of people have the same last name, and Booth, it’s not really uncommon.
But when he thinks about it, it feels like getting slapped in the face. He knows that his ancestor was dead long before he was born, that it doesn’t really matter, not really, but to know that the same blood courses through his veins, to know that he might have the same hair, or smile, or middle toe as the man who shot President Lincoln, who murdered, to know that they share some common something, well, it bothers him. More than he’d like to admit.
To think, for just a second, that he could be like him. That he’s murdered, in the name of…that he’s murdered, that he is a murderer. That he took a life that was actually good. That he has done so over, and over, and over again.
The fear is constant, too.
So he sits.
76. I’d heard HH talk before about the John Wilkes Booth thing, that it was something they cut from the pilot, so I think it’s cool they put it in there. And talk about heart-breaking. To have Booth fundamentally rocked like that (and then he goes after the truth anyway), Brennan’s chasing him, saying, “I promise now!” Here are these broken people who try to help mend the other, and sometimes, they just suck at it.
77. But they keep on trying.
78. Hacker calls again, telling booth about the Congressional Committee, and then, this: “Are you being held against your will?” “I could get out if I wanted.”… “I find that on behalf of the FBI, I am annoyed by their arrogance.”
79. Hey, Hacker? Call me!
80. Oh. My. God.
81. My new Favorite Scene in the World is about to come on.
82. Now, look. B/B is my #1 Stunna. We all know that. But this. Scene. Is. Beautiful.
83. It was the easiest thing in the world. It wasn’t even a decision he made, it was just something that he had to do. It was like breathing. It was like-
It does not matter to him that she is pregnant, and it’s someone else’s child, and things are weird between them and have been for over a year. It does not matter. None of it matters.
She matters.
She’s the only thing that’s ever mattered. He was buried underground, about to die, and the only thing he could think of was how much he wanted to kiss her, how much he wanted to tell her he loved her. He thinks of it, sometimes, the tragedy of his death would have truly been never telling her, never having all that time together, never knowing that she snores, or that she sometimes sings in the shower.
He never would have gotten to be in love.
And that’s really what does it. That’s why it’s not hard at all, why he doesn’t feel pathetic and desperate about it. Because he is her guy, and he doesn’t care how or why that is, but he is, and he is always going to be, because none of that matters.
She matters.
And that makes it the easiest thing in the world.
84. When Hodgins said, “I’m your guy,” my breath caught in my throat. Can someone please get TJ Thyne an Emmy?
85. On the platform, Cam explains the Psychology of Booth, and Brennan looks almost physically ill.
86. Mr. White comes along and tells them it’s game over. Cam fucking owns his ass: “For future reference, you might want to tell your bosses that we don’t do half truth here.” Brennan looks on in possible awe, because, you know, CAM IS THE MOTHERFUCKING HEAD BITCH IN CHARGE, MOTHERFUCKER.
87. And we learn that Angela’s not preggo after all. No one is shocked, Show, by your use of this plot device.
88. Even though it’s awful, and killing him, Booth can’t stand for the truth to be hidden, so he rolls up on the platform, asking how much time they need. Cam: “Big Man always comes through.”
89. That’s what she said.
90. WHAT UP!
91. Booth gets fucking awesome x 1,000,000, proving first-hand EXACTLY why Rangers Lead the Motherfucking Way. Brennan runs off with the bones to do her test.
92. I’d recap it hit-for hit, but Sweets: “That was totally ninja! Maybe some anger issues there, but you kicked ass.” Yeah, that pretty much sums it up.
93. Five seconds later, Hacker comes jogging in with a bullhorn and a SWAT team. Hacker’s all, “WTF, FML.” And Booth’s all Mr. Cocky.
94. MR. COCKY.
95. You know how perky Brennan gets about Booth’s Cocky belt buckle? That it’s Boothy?
96. That’s because when she does finally meet Booth’s penis, in person, she is SO gonna name it Mr. Cocky.
97. If nothing else of worth is produced from this recap, Mr. Cocky would still be more than enough. I’m just saying.
98. You guys.
99. Brennan did a whole experiment, with pudding, and everything.
100. She did this experiment.
101. And you know what?
102. She did it to help Booth.
103. More to the point, she LIED to help Booth.
104. Dr. Temperance Brennan, world’s greatest forensic anthropologist, famous novelist, pursuer of truth, hater of deception…the woman always, ALWAYS relies on science for The Truth of Things-
105. Y’all.
106. I can’t.
107. She-
108. She lied. About science. For Booth.
109. When she understands, she feels like she might throw up. It’s is a physical reaction to the thought that Booth could possibly see himself as a murderer.
It is the first time, in a long time, that she wishes she could unlearn something. Facts, evidence, science, they all are a comfort, because they are tried and true. They are the only things that are constant, the laws of physics, the reactions between chemicals, the undeniable marker in a bone.
They are the only things that are constant.
But then there’s Booth.
He’s almost died more times than she cares to think about. She knows he will not last forever, that they will not work together forever, that he might move, or she might get hit by a bus (however statistically improbable that may be), and one day, they will each be like the bones on the table before her, dead, unmoving, unknowing, unseeing. She does not believe in life after death, and she probably never will.
Booth is not constant.
But she finds, thinking of how he must feel, considering what he must think of himself and how untrue it is, that she does not care that Booth is not constant.
Because Booth is important.
Science is important, too, but science never made her feel something like this, like a dead weight in her stomach. And science has never made her smile just by being there, it’s never brought her pizza in the middle of the day and done a weird dance, it’s never held her while she cried, it’s never put itself between her and a bullet, or let her drink straight from its good bottle of scotch.
Booth, she realizes, standing on the platform and trying not to cry, is better than science.
Booth is better.
It was the easiest thing in the world. It wasn’t even a decision she made, it was just something that she had to do. It was like breathing.
She lied. For Booth. About science. Because he is better than science.
It makes perfect sense.
110. You know what this pudding scene really makes me think of?
BRENNAN: Thanks. I wish you wouldn’t keep letting me hug you when I get scared.
BOOTH: Hey, I get scared and I’ll hug you. We’ll call it even.
111. And that’s pretty much what happened. I could go into a lot of stuff, about how easily she lied, how relieved he looked, how they looked at one another for a moment, and the way he says thank you, the tone of his voice, the look on his face, it’s all how he’ll say I love you, when it happens, eventually, like all the stuff will…but really? It’s too pretty to recap. It’s just too pretty.
112. Then Hacker breezes in, oh, btw Temperance, did you hear about that cool thing I did? Brennan smiles, Booth gives Hacker a look that clearly says, “Dude. Give the fuck up. It’s getting pretty pathetic.” And Booth knows pathetic (See # 2, supra)
113. Hacker, it really is. Also, call me!
114. At the diner, we have Family Breakfast. And Brennan is going to lie about this until the day she dies. And that’s totally fine with her.
115. Angela tells Hodgins that she’s not pregnant, and that she’ll never forget his offer. She’s going to take him up on it. Some day. I think in that moment, she knows.
116. Brennan walks out with Cam, in a super-cute jacket btw, and Cam calls her out: That was totes JFK. Brennan’s like, you know, it probably wasn’t, statistically blah blah. And Cam: “You’re a good person. I will never forget what you did for him.”
117. Brennan (from the past): There’s nothing I wouldn’t do to help him.
118. Talk about putting your money where your mouth is.
119. And Cam, you just keep on winning. God. Show.
120. Sweets and Booth walk out, and Sweets is high on the adventure of it all. Booth thinks of that time Parker ate all the pixi stix in the house. Not that we know that time exists, but in my mind, it does, and Booth’s thinking about it.
121. Booth puts out his arm, and Brennan takes it. I love walking with guys, arm-in-arm, even if I’m not dating them. There’s something very…nice about it. Something better than friendly. It’s like cuddling while walking. That’s some awesome shit.
122. And so is this:
Booth: You know, you must think I’m crazy for being so happy it wasn’t JFK.
Brennan: I’m very impressed. You wanted the truth, even if it was going to hurt you.
Booth: I learned that from you. (and it’s that look again, the one that he gets these days, the one that love looks like)
Brennan: Really?
Booth: Yeah. I mean, sometimes you have to go with your brain over your gut.
123. Except for when you don’t. Like when you lie about the ID of a gunshot victim who you will never, ever tell Booth is actually JFK.
124. When you do that, that’s just a lot of heart.
Next Week: Who gives a fuck about next week? Really. We just saw an hour of some of the best TV I’ve ever seen in my life. This episode has an interesting mystery element that kept things kind of intense, Booth did pelvic thrusts, then shot stuff, and was crazy Cocky/Boothy like woah (horse), Brennan smiled, like, CONSTANTLY, and lied ABOUT SCIENCE to protect Booth, Hodgins told Angela that he’s her guy, and Angela really seemed to agree, Sweets felt included and loved, and Cam…oh, CAM. “You’re a good person.” You too, Cam. Hacker was even good. Seriously.
Show. I just…oh, Show. Show and I will honeymoon on a deserted island, because Show? Is totally sporting a badass Mr. Cocky.