THREE // Three months later~
Living without you, living alone
This empty house seems so cold
Wanting to hold you, wanting you near
How much I wanted you home
Open Arms by Journey makes me tear up for some reason. Not cry, mind you, but tear up. Romantic undertones aside, it just sounds so lost, like the person wants something badly but the only thing he (or she) can do is keep his (or her) arms outstretched and hope. I guess living life, especially with other people, is just that demanding sometimes. We're forced to adhere to their will, and they to ours. It's an unfortunate truth, but a sacrifice we make as beings enslaved by social realities.
As I look back at my first year of college, I wonder what I could’ve done differently, what I should have done. I wonder if these choices were really mine to make, or if I was just the inevitable product of other people’s actions.
Where am I in anything? To believe I’m of value to anyone is to believe in the difference I made in people’s lives, or maybe to pretend I had some hand in whatever happens in this world. I don't know. High School people were easy to observe and predict. College people, while simple enough in their own ways, make decisions based on a very different scheme. Sometimes their decisions are random and I only have a split second to react to this change of mood and ideal. It's like being in a room full of little children constantly distracted by different things. You can usually predict what they're going to reach for, but all of a sudden they see the big red ball nearby...
Adjustment period. I've had 13 years with the AC girls, barely a few months with these people. Gunna figure out this clock's mechanism soon, I hope.
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I seem to only ever find time to update when I'm traveling. Oh golly gee.
I wish I could draw or write something but I don't have much of a purpose when I do and not having a purpose, for me, means that I end up doing nothing. No sense of urgency, see. And when I don't have a good idea for a drawing or a story, I'm usually very walang-gana to do it. Sucks. Stupid Martha.
Today, I forgot that a vacation was about going out and mucking around town and shopping. In short, I stayed at the hotel and finished writing an application for another RP community. Ahehe. Why can't I just work on my stories, why? My first meal of the day (at 3pm) was a bowl of instant ramen, followed by Royce and a sip of tea.
I did eventually go out though, to buy female necessities and candy. Here's to a more productive day tomorrow~! >.<
Cheers~