beyond the tricks and favors
... this is how i ended up titling my journal in Costa RIca... well, one of them...
some entries:
may 24th ( the last phase of an 85 day course..surfing)
i said i was going to start this journal when i knew what i was doing... but I've been having crazy mood swings, and i'm a lot of talk... mostly because my ideas require actions i cannot take (yet)... and then i end up with an over-active mind and can't sleep for want of knowing and action. .. anyway, my waterproof jounral is overrun with plans and wants and lists and finances... and i can no longer hold it without becoming overwhelmed w/thoughts, emotions, and desires to run home! To be there for fall and winter... i'm growing into myself .... my dreams, plans and poems..:
I will be born a radioactive woman on the otherside of this neverending birth canal of a dream.. this life thing..
Revolution.
What is revolutionary?
doing the smallest of things differently...
-not asking for each others' freedom
-taking responsibility
-education
-community
it's the exciting and the uncomfortable. some things that are necessary are revolutionary, like responsibilities, and some are invisible... mostly because they are not of great importance in our culture.. and some are enthralling, because they involve rebellion, recognition and action... but they are all out of action, and
the ones you discover for yourself always seem to be more revolutionary, and more likely to be forgotten.
you can't 'half-ass' and 'cool' your way to revolution. (you have to do what may not be cool, only to receive much delayed recognition)
what are the skills of revolution?
it starts with an aching in your chest, a hunger for change, learning, building, growing, compasion & community, the rest will follow because there will be challenges, like how to act and when.. and why. and then acting on it.
repeatedly growing into yourself as a person of action, active in being human. Living and supporting life.
Giving Opportunity to Challenge.
... and then here will come fear again, to try to fear you to death and worry you of what arrives behind the fear..
it could be opportunity.. but you may never know...
... is there something for which you want so badly, but will not sacrafice, ... is it what you believe will fulfill you, but it appears too illogical to risk it, so fear can have it... revolution can wait.. comfort come hither, adventure stand-by, i'll eperience you whem i'm ready, control you as i can... find reigns to make it a balance of bearable and not quite what i wanted... because I'm scared of what will happen if/when i get what i want and i'm not ready...(and if i am set loose... if that should happen, .. hell hath no fury..) i know not that which will come to pass, and for that, i will sit this one out, let another year roll by and live with evenings of regret and echoes of the word coward... at least i can predict that much.. and it's not impossible to find some peace.. and so my life will pass with me reminding myself it's the smartest decision, and i'll believe it..seeming better and more sane for it.. and this adventure that i was born into will be unknown, and remain unknown and delayed.. my dreams, deferred.. is/are, just that.. my dreams, in a waiting room with some aching sickness I can't bear to face so I feign unavailable, busy w/unimportant things, like what i do with my time as i worry about how i'll ever acheive what i'm too afraid to do... i guess i'll never know.. but it comforts me.. thinking about what could happen.. should my dreams.. one day.. come true..
"it is never too late to be what you might have been." - george eliot
"risk everything!.. do the hardest thing on earth for you. act for yourself. face the truth." - katherine mansfield
... so now that you're here,
that you've been born
into question
and you are the living answer...
what will you do?
.... so consider others, but don't forget yourself and remember that your dream is you, and them, and itself, and everything that's big or anything at all, all at the same time..
"can't believe how strange it is to be anything at all" - neutral milk hotel
well.. this is what it is.. what of it?
your old life will beg at you to look back and remember it
your thoughts are miles ahead of you and your company
you know you've reached something you will never catch up to
develop detection for what is fake or a disease of growing stale
live life in a way that serves as a secret revolution
may 13th
it's not all it's cracked up to be.. until it's magic.. and then you wonder how anyone can live any other way..
but maybe that's the nature of the beast, there are magic moments anywhere you are.. but are you noticing?
when i'm being completely honest it feels like i'm lying because it feels too good and i just want to smile and laugh out of goodness and weirdness of harsh purity
i do things.. .because i wonder until i do.
"it may be that the stars of heaven appear fair and pure because they are too far from us, and we know nothing of their private life." - heinrich hein
"to allow oneself to be carried away by a multitude of conflicting concerns, to surrender to too many demands, to commit oneself to too many projects, to want to help everyone in everything is to succumb to violence - frenzy destroys our capacity for peace. It destroys the fruitfulness of our work, because it kills the tool of inner wisdom which makes work fruitful." - thomas merton
I Love walking
complaining is unbecoming, a developed person eager to live will not be found wasting time in this way
all there is to do in this life is to live
this has been the eternal summer of my plotless mind
i'm free. as free as i will take the responsibility to be
i flew away, knowing well that i didn't know what i was doing.. but glad i was doing it
do what empowers
love, compassion and revolution
i want to be someone who can offer others opportunity
to dream
and build
dreaming can get you far... but acting on it will get you farther
what is a dream deferred?
i want to know you beyond the tricks and favors!
'be the change you wish to see in the world' - gandhi
i want less people to be in debt. so i will focus on getting out of it.
i want to see more people pursuing their passions and really living... so i will.
recognizing revolutionary and revolution when you see it. it's not always loud, but it's either exciting, uncomfortable or both.
things can seem cool, or amazing, or exotic.. but even when you're far away from home... it's still all just life. nothing more than life.
can you see with real eyes?
there's nothing like consensual reality create the feeling of home
...more to come
some entries:
may 24th ( the last phase of an 85 day course..surfing)
i said i was going to start this journal when i knew what i was doing... but I've been having crazy mood swings, and i'm a lot of talk... mostly because my ideas require actions i cannot take (yet)... and then i end up with an over-active mind and can't sleep for want of knowing and action. .. anyway, my waterproof jounral is overrun with plans and wants and lists and finances... and i can no longer hold it without becoming overwhelmed w/thoughts, emotions, and desires to run home! To be there for fall and winter... i'm growing into myself .... my dreams, plans and poems..:
I will be born a radioactive woman on the otherside of this neverending birth canal of a dream.. this life thing..
Revolution.
What is revolutionary?
doing the smallest of things differently...
-not asking for each others' freedom
-taking responsibility
-education
-community
it's the exciting and the uncomfortable. some things that are necessary are revolutionary, like responsibilities, and some are invisible... mostly because they are not of great importance in our culture.. and some are enthralling, because they involve rebellion, recognition and action... but they are all out of action, and
the ones you discover for yourself always seem to be more revolutionary, and more likely to be forgotten.
you can't 'half-ass' and 'cool' your way to revolution. (you have to do what may not be cool, only to receive much delayed recognition)
what are the skills of revolution?
it starts with an aching in your chest, a hunger for change, learning, building, growing, compasion & community, the rest will follow because there will be challenges, like how to act and when.. and why. and then acting on it.
repeatedly growing into yourself as a person of action, active in being human. Living and supporting life.
Giving Opportunity to Challenge.
... and then here will come fear again, to try to fear you to death and worry you of what arrives behind the fear..
it could be opportunity.. but you may never know...
... is there something for which you want so badly, but will not sacrafice, ... is it what you believe will fulfill you, but it appears too illogical to risk it, so fear can have it... revolution can wait.. comfort come hither, adventure stand-by, i'll eperience you whem i'm ready, control you as i can... find reigns to make it a balance of bearable and not quite what i wanted... because I'm scared of what will happen if/when i get what i want and i'm not ready...(and if i am set loose... if that should happen, .. hell hath no fury..) i know not that which will come to pass, and for that, i will sit this one out, let another year roll by and live with evenings of regret and echoes of the word coward... at least i can predict that much.. and it's not impossible to find some peace.. and so my life will pass with me reminding myself it's the smartest decision, and i'll believe it..seeming better and more sane for it.. and this adventure that i was born into will be unknown, and remain unknown and delayed.. my dreams, deferred.. is/are, just that.. my dreams, in a waiting room with some aching sickness I can't bear to face so I feign unavailable, busy w/unimportant things, like what i do with my time as i worry about how i'll ever acheive what i'm too afraid to do... i guess i'll never know.. but it comforts me.. thinking about what could happen.. should my dreams.. one day.. come true..
"it is never too late to be what you might have been." - george eliot
"risk everything!.. do the hardest thing on earth for you. act for yourself. face the truth." - katherine mansfield
... so now that you're here,
that you've been born
into question
and you are the living answer...
what will you do?
.... so consider others, but don't forget yourself and remember that your dream is you, and them, and itself, and everything that's big or anything at all, all at the same time..
"can't believe how strange it is to be anything at all" - neutral milk hotel
well.. this is what it is.. what of it?
your old life will beg at you to look back and remember it
your thoughts are miles ahead of you and your company
you know you've reached something you will never catch up to
develop detection for what is fake or a disease of growing stale
live life in a way that serves as a secret revolution
may 13th
it's not all it's cracked up to be.. until it's magic.. and then you wonder how anyone can live any other way..
but maybe that's the nature of the beast, there are magic moments anywhere you are.. but are you noticing?
when i'm being completely honest it feels like i'm lying because it feels too good and i just want to smile and laugh out of goodness and weirdness of harsh purity
i do things.. .because i wonder until i do.
"it may be that the stars of heaven appear fair and pure because they are too far from us, and we know nothing of their private life." - heinrich hein
"to allow oneself to be carried away by a multitude of conflicting concerns, to surrender to too many demands, to commit oneself to too many projects, to want to help everyone in everything is to succumb to violence - frenzy destroys our capacity for peace. It destroys the fruitfulness of our work, because it kills the tool of inner wisdom which makes work fruitful." - thomas merton
I Love walking
complaining is unbecoming, a developed person eager to live will not be found wasting time in this way
all there is to do in this life is to live
this has been the eternal summer of my plotless mind
i'm free. as free as i will take the responsibility to be
i flew away, knowing well that i didn't know what i was doing.. but glad i was doing it
do what empowers
love, compassion and revolution
i want to be someone who can offer others opportunity
to dream
and build
dreaming can get you far... but acting on it will get you farther
what is a dream deferred?
i want to know you beyond the tricks and favors!
'be the change you wish to see in the world' - gandhi
i want less people to be in debt. so i will focus on getting out of it.
i want to see more people pursuing their passions and really living... so i will.
recognizing revolutionary and revolution when you see it. it's not always loud, but it's either exciting, uncomfortable or both.
things can seem cool, or amazing, or exotic.. but even when you're far away from home... it's still all just life. nothing more than life.
can you see with real eyes?
there's nothing like consensual reality create the feeling of home
...more to come