Apathetic.
I can now truly say that I have lost interest for home. My friend remarked earlier that it was surprising I can stand being at home for quite a long period of time. And honestly, I really do not care about it. I guess I had been away from it for so long that it eventually became something superficial and nonexistent, at least for me.
The things going on in our household are surprising, they really are. But what struck me the most was my inability to care for all those things. Deadma lang. And life goes on and I move on. The first night was troublesome of course. I was about to sleep and I wondered where my mother was. Then I remembered that she was not coming home, (oo nga pala) stupid me for forgetting about the conversation we had weeks prior to that. It was freaky in a way, how I quickly rationalized the situation inside my head, like it's just some random act of nonesense in my life.
I quickly forgot about it the next days/nights and got along with my life. Like something like this is normal. Like something like this is bearable. Well, clearly, it is for me.
And right now, I guess the gaps are too wide and deep to be remedied. They also are too old for me to even remember how to feel towards them. I never saw this coming, I really thought I will always have a strong conviction about it. But to not have anything at all, I never never expected something like that.
Still, it works for me and I am doing okay. This is better than ruining my life. See, rationalizing is probably my best suit.
The things going on in our household are surprising, they really are. But what struck me the most was my inability to care for all those things. Deadma lang. And life goes on and I move on. The first night was troublesome of course. I was about to sleep and I wondered where my mother was. Then I remembered that she was not coming home, (oo nga pala) stupid me for forgetting about the conversation we had weeks prior to that. It was freaky in a way, how I quickly rationalized the situation inside my head, like it's just some random act of nonesense in my life.
I quickly forgot about it the next days/nights and got along with my life. Like something like this is normal. Like something like this is bearable. Well, clearly, it is for me.
And right now, I guess the gaps are too wide and deep to be remedied. They also are too old for me to even remember how to feel towards them. I never saw this coming, I really thought I will always have a strong conviction about it. But to not have anything at all, I never never expected something like that.
Still, it works for me and I am doing okay. This is better than ruining my life. See, rationalizing is probably my best suit.