November 29th, 2006 BACKDATED
We went to check on one of the accident reports today, when we got to the police station they were open this time... but apparently no one there could help us with the legal matters so we called a number that the woman gave us.
Mom called the number and some bitch on the phone was giving an attitude to mom since mall security gave us the wrong information saying we were supposed to get a police officer to give us the correct address of the guy that injured me.
We went back to the mall and talked to the guy in the security office. Ehhhh.....
After we were done there we checked out the survey place. I didn't know they held surveys like the one they had today.
Mom was the only one that could do it because it involves consuming wheat and yeast which I can't do.
It's a 3 day survey for $75, you tell them your opinion on different crackers.
When we went to Ray's place I felt kind of odd, first of all we got there over 45 minutes later than scheduled. He was having dinner when we got there *That's probably a big deal to them I dunno*
He wasn't acting like himself when I came to pick up my computer, guitar and music equipment. He was like....just acting tired like nothings gonna change and that his life is just gonna go how it's going.
Like...he said he gave up on music even though we just started on it. He thinks it's getting near the end of his life *since he's 28 and 60 is like extremely old to indians apparently*
It also sucks, he looked cute in his tank top and stuff. Though he was just acting like we were people and not friends, he's been doing that with a lot of people except for his family as far as I know, he's fired 2 girls within a weeks time period. He's been getting really sick to his stomach again and he's even saying theres blood sometimes.
I hope he stops, I keep telling him to. I remember when mom got sick like that and was bleeding cause she used to drink so much.
When we left his place I somehow got started again. About how Mike fucked it up for me and Ray. I really liked Ray and Mike is so fucking stupid to believe what Ray was telling him. Ray always says differen't stuff to different people when it comes to personal things.
I hate the fact that I get a stupid happy feeling when I think about Ray but it's killing me like thinking about Haley is killing me.
I should be glad that Ray at least still smiles at me and asks how things are going. He knows I like him and he seems to be cool with it....
Everything rush's through my head of the past few years and how it's seemed like an eternity. I was listening to some music and it started me up crying again and mom was telling me to stop but I couldn't stop. I feel unwanted and I miss Haley and Ray has to have his two other relationships that he's killing himself with through drugs and shit...when I hung out with him more he acted more free and like he was actually having fun rather than being tied down by other peoples rules...
If I ever make it in the fucking business I bet you I'm still gonna be sad, even if I was healthy and had every fucking thing in the world. It crushes me to think that I'll never see Haley again. It's fuckin killing me, I can't stop thinking about it no matter how hard i try. There's too many memories and I don't even think she knew how much I liked her...I'm fucking lost and stupid, fucking lost...and I feel so empty like a big portion of my soul is missing.